'AITA for refusing to see my dad who disowned me when he found out I'm not his bio daughter?'
"AITA for refusing to see my dad after he disowned me when he found out I'm not his biological daughter?"
So basically, my (20F) father is not mine biologically, which he didn't know until I was six. Apparently he knew my mom was a cheater, but didn't realize I was the result of that until she admitted it and he took a test when I was six.
Last conversation we had was him explaining all this to me, and that I wouldn't see him anymore. The worst part is my brother (18M) is his, and they have a great relationship.
I admit I was hurt at the time, but I did get therapy and it helped me correct my emotions. At the end of the day, my father was more a victim than me, and he had every right to step away from a child that he didn't create.
I settled on taking it out on my mother who was the real person to blame, and tried to maintain a relationship with my brother, which was hard since he moved in with my dad full time when I was 12.
I'm in an ok spot now, I'm finally NC with my mom and I have my own place, dumpy as it is. Recently my brother reached out (We only see each other once or twice a year) and said our dad wants to talk. Apparently he regrets disowning me, and wants to try to reconcile, or at least explain why he did what he did.
I'm not interested, I get that he did the right thing, but I feel like cutting off your child, even if it really isn't yours isn't a reversible decision. I told my brother I'm not going to meet him, and we got in a huge fight.
He says I owe it to him for the six years of free love he gave me, and that I should be grateful I got that. It ended with him saying they were a package deal, and I need to accept both of them or lose both of them. Now I feel like a selfish a**, and maybe I made the wrong call.
Update: So I called my brother and told him I'm still not meeting his father. He hung up and blocked me, so I guess I have no family now. That's his call I guess, I don't think it would've worked out anyway. We both hate our mother and we don't share a father, so there wasn't much keeping us together.
Here were the top rated comments from readers with input:
Six years of free love? Who the f*ck are these people? Do what is best for you.
Trash #1 is unfaithful mess that OP cut off. Trash #2 despite being victim of Trash #1 fuck upiness, deserves & earned OP's indifference & not wanting to speak ever again after disowning her at 6 year old and never speaking all through her underage years plus 2 years as an adult.
Trash #3 better fucking apologize and stop being flying monkey for Trash#2, or else going winded up cut off like Trash #1 for being shitty.
OP so NTA and I hope she gains the epiphany to realize that if Trash #3 don't shape up, her brother going winded cut off /never be spoken again by OP like his trashy parents. Yes, the father is trashy.
Don't expect the child abandoned at 6 years old is ever want to see/speak, especially when said child didn't reach out at all since they turned 18 and point blank told the son exactly why they never contacted at 20 while no longer living with the ex.
'six years of free love.' That made me almost choke on my smoothie! What the actual fuck does that mean? He thought she was his biological child. He was for all intents and purposes he was her father as he was the father role in her life as her parent.
DNA doesn’t make someone a parent. The idea that this man sat a six year old down to explain this to her blows my mind too. How can you still not care and love a child you raised for six years? (And I don’t even really like kids)
Your brother doesn't get to make this call for you, since he continued to have a father, even full time, while you had to stay with your shitty mother. He has no idea what you went through - and your father has absolutely no right to expect a relationship.
He wasn't there for you when you needed him, why should you be there for him, now that you don't need him anymore? Did you ever contact your actual sperm donor?
OtherwisePea5543 OP responded:
I don't know who that is, all I know is he would never sign anything legally tying him to me, so I'll probably never meet him.
'He says I owe it to him for the six years of free love he gave me, and that I should be grateful I got that.'
Your brother is gross. Having a father for 6 years that abandoned you isn’t some gift you need to be thankful for. It’s great that you have forgiven him, but in my opinion anyone who is able to abandon a kid they’ve raised for over like 3 years is a piece of sh#*t.
If you meet he is just going to make you reassure him that he’s not a terrible person for leaving you. And you don’t owe that to him.
“I’m sorry that you do not want to have a relationship with me outside of your father. He made it very clear to me that I am not his child, and was comfortable having a relationship with you outside of me for the last 14 years.
I don’t hold onto resentment for him as he did what he needed to do for his own mental health, but the fact that you cannot see why I need to stay away for my own well being saddens me. If you feel ready to have an adult sibling relationship I would love to reconnect more, but your father is not a part of our relationship anymore.”