'WIBTA for removing my son (23) from my life insurance and will because he disowned me?'
"WIBTA for removing my son (23) from my life insurance and will because he disowned me?"
Gingersnapp_43
I am a 43F currently serving in the Army for over 18years. I have three children 25F, 23M, 17M. Over the past few years my 23m son has been genuinely upset that I will not transfer my GI BILL to him. Those unfamiliar with the military, service members are able to transfer their education benefits to their spouse or children after serving a certain amount of time.
However, I accidentally exhausted my GI BILL. My daughter and oldest son never really showed interest in college, nor were my son's grades the best. Once my son moved out after high school, our communication was minimal.
Our relationship prior to him moving out was also strained. As a parent, I hope I am not the only one to say my son and I just did not get along and could never seem to connect as he got older and it got worse the older he got.
About two years after him going no contact, he messeged me, not to ask how we were doing or anything, but straight to the point that its my fault that he no longer qualifies for grants due to our incomes combined and to complain that I did not transfer my GI BILL to him.
I Informed him that I had exhausted it and that he is more than welcome to speak to a recruiter. He then said I should have set 50-100 aside each month to pay for his college.
At this point I call him entitled and told him I don't owe him anything once he moved out of my household. (Summarized conversation) We go no contact again for a little over a year and recently another messege straight to the point asking how I exhausted my GI BILL, again told him he can go see a recruiter about it.
Nonetheless this conversation still ended on that I should be responsible for his college. Let it be clear, before I joined the army I was a single parent having my first child very young, living in poverty making less that 11k a year.
I joined the army at 25, paying for college tuition out of pocket was never an option. I did the best I could as a parent and I know I would never win mother of the year. In both our conversations, I did apologize for the mistakes I made along the way, as it's clear they bother him.
But this conversation ended with him stating he does not view me as his mother and blocking me on everything. He made it clear to his sister that he does not view me as his mother and I am nothing more than an egg donor. It is time for me to update my life insurance and do a will and I am considering excluding him. WIBTAH?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
ESH. Remove him from your life insurance for sure, but maybe you should try family counseling, unless you’re actually okay with most of your kids not liking you.
Gingersnapp_43 OP responded:
He lives Hawaii, I'm in NC he has made it clear by blocking me he wants no contact. So family therapy is out the question
As someone who was r/raisedbynarcissists I have to wonder why he is has gone NC. You don’t seem to be taking any responsibility for the relationship being what it is. And lord knows why you would “exhaust” your GI Bill, if you even did, when you have a child who is eager to go to college.
Sounds like a completely toxic situation that you are most definitely at LEAST partially responsible for and because of that, you’re cutting him out of your will. Ridiculous. You don’t sound like much of a mother. YTA.
Let's clarify he wasn't eager to go to college and showed no interest until last semester senior year. The GI BILL is my entitlement when I joined. At 6 years I may decide to transfer those benfits to spouse or kids but I have to serve an additional 4 years.
This entitlement is 36 hours. Assuming all three kids go went to college that's 12 hours a piece. Soo...there's that...but that GI BILL is mine
KronkLaSworda
"It is time for me to update my life insurance and do a will and I am considering excluding him."
Do it. He can't cut you out of his life and then demand that you give him something later. NTA He can't have it both ways.If he wants money for college, he can talk to a recruiter, get a loan, or pay his own way. Or get a scholarship, just like I did.
Edit: I'm not saying the OP is a saint. The OP could be a major AH. But that's not the question being asked. The question being asked is should the OP cut them out of their will IF the kid has cut the OP out of their life. That's it. That's what I answered. Keep your WhatAboutIsms on topic.
WhoKnewHomesteading
This and make sure to include in the will that he is intentionally excluded and follow legal advice to make sure it is done properly so he can’t contest your will. Most likely you will need a trust.
tequilamockingbird37
Like the people who specifically leave 1 dollar to a relative.
Monalisa9298
No. Please. Don’t do this. I’m an estate attorney and it just makes me crazy that this misinformation is out there. Giving someone a dollar or a small inheritance does not prevent them from challenging the will.
Which-Tour2102
Feel like there’s some missing missing reasons here.
Terribly_comfortable
Yeah, people don't cut their parents out for no reason. Start digging and you usually uncover the rot.
I’m sure you won’t, (because parents like you never do) but are these hundreds of comments and all the downvotes on your own comments making you realize you might have been a s^%$#y mom to your son and the asshole?? I sincerely hope you try and fix your relationship moving forward.
Gingersnapp_43 OP responded:
They don't, I don't see how not being able to pay for college makes you a s^%$#y parent, ppl make assumptions on what I did or did not do to set him up before he moved out with his GF. I have yet to go into detail on the reason our relationship was strained and allowed ppl to make assumptions.
What people don't know is, the sacrifices I made I it did for my children, I did so because I loved them. Yes, I wanted to provided them a better life than I had and that's what any parent wants. The opinion of these ppl who don't know me and have drawn a picture to being the worst parent ever off of responses is amusing to me.
Yes, I wanted to know would I be the AH to exclude my son from inheritance because he went NC because I did not give him my education benefits. Not am I the AH cus I didn't pay for my sons college