Mom ignores bullying, grandparents gain custody; sister says, 'I don't feel bad for you.'
"AITA for telling my sister I don't feel sorry for her after her daughter moved in with her grandparents?"
Quiet-Gur-1448
My niece Annabelle (15) went to live with her grandparents a few weeks ago. This was a long time coming. Annabelle has been miserable at home for years and has talked to her mom countless times and had me, my mom and my brother talk to her mom on her behalf before.
Nothing changed until Annabelle was finally done. This all started when Annabelle was 4. My sister Natasha (47) met her husband and they moved in together with his then 5 year old daughter, Jasmine.
Annabelle instantly adored Jasmine which I know my sister hyped her up for them being sisters and stuff. But Jasmine from day one was very negative toward Annabelle. She would scream at Annabelle and call her names.
It was normal kid acting out stuff that wasn't corrected from what we witnessed. Then over the years it just kept getting worse and it stayed a very negative relationship even after Annabelle stopped trying to be sisters or even friends with Jasmine.
Jasmine was with her dad way more than her mom. Her mom, like Annabelle's dad, was a bit of a deadbeat though at least she knew her mom where Annabelle has never met her dad.
Whenever we would see them Jasmine would have no problem playing with other kids, even other kids in our family, but she would tell Annabelle she couldn't play or she would blame Annabelle for making her stop playing with others.
My brother's kids would come and tell us what was going on and neither Natasha or her husband would say or do anything. My mom went over a few times to say it wasn't nice to exclude kids and Jasmine would say she hated Annabelle and wanted her to go away.
This all bled into school where Annabelle was bullied by Jasmine and some of her friends. Still nothing was done. Natasha dismissed everyone who mentioned it to her. She would even ask Annabelle if she really wanted her to be unhappy and single again or why couldn't she accept that some sisters won't always like you.
She would ignore when Annabelle told her that Jasmine never liked her. We did our best to be supportive of Annabelle and we even tried to figure out if we could help things with her and Jasmine.
It came as no surprise to me when Annabelle told us her grandparents were fighting for custody. When they won it was surprising because I almost expected it to go in Natasha's favor since she's her mom.
But the judge decided Annabelle was old enough to have a say and took everything into account. Natasha was furious with the decision and has been crying and raging ever since. Nobody has comforted her and we've pulled back now that we no longer need to go through her to see Annabelle.
This might be why she showed up at my house the other night and wanted to talk and when I didn't let her in, she asked me why we're not there for her. I told her that I don't feel sorry for her at all and I said it was her fault this happened.
Natasha called me a bitch and stormed away from my house. She sent me a text yesterday saying I should still be there for her. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Icy_Blueness1206
NTA. What you said was harsh, but honest. Poor Annabelle, of course she wanted out of a house where her stepsister had bullied her for years for no reason and her mom didn’t care.
The absolute audacity of, "She would even ask Annabelle if she really wanted her to be unhappy and single again!” Charming emotional manipulation there. Didn’t care if her kid was unhappy so long as she was married, I guess.
I’m not surprised the judge sided with Annabelle given the situation (and her age). Eleven years of misery is enough. Anyone with an ounce of empathy for your niece couldn’t possibly “be there” for your sister. She made this bed now she had to lie in it and realize she’s a lousy mom.
The OP responded here:
Quiet-Gur-1448
Yep. Being married and/or in a relationship was Natasha's top priority.
LimitlessMegan
Honestly, I’m so mad at your sister if I was you I’d start texting back things she said to Annabelle:
“You should still be there for me.”
“Some sisters/brothers (you didn’t say your gender) just aren’t going to like you. You should learn to just accept that.”
NTA. She made her choice. I’m not even clear why she cares… unless it’s about how it makes her and her husband look, because she sure doesn’t actually care about her kid.
Exotic-Carpet255
NTA. Well, I hope Natasha is forced to pay child support, too. I'm not sure why she's moaning. Now she can live up her husbands ass with no interference from your family or Annabelle. Sure, Jasmine is chuffed, too. Everyone should be happy really /s
But in all serioness, my older bio-sister was about half as bad as Jasmine and I've had longstanding issues, including resentment towards my parents snd her for what I know was very abusive, manipulative, controlling behaviour. So I also hope grandparents can get Annabelle some therapy. I know I need some!
The OP again responded here:
Quiet-Gur-1448
They are looking around for a therapist for her currently. She met with a couple already but didn't really feel good with any of them. Then Christmas stalled the search. But it has resumed and I hope she can find a good therapist for her soon.
Hoplite68
NTA. Natasha allowed her own daughter to be abused in her own home, all because she wanted to share her bed. Her new husband meant more than Annabelle, and ignored repeated attempts to intervene on Annabelle's behalf because then she'd have to do something and she'd be held responsible.
Her manipulation is appalling, "do you want me to be alone", absolutely reprehensible. Annabelle has been failed by her mother, her school and she won't forget it. Natasha has now been shown to be the absolute failure of a parent that she is and she's upset.
Though I'm curious which grandparents Annabelle has gone to now, as it seems implied to be the paternal side. Regardless her abuse victim has escaped, the world sees who she is, who would want to call that woman "sister" anymore.