'AITA for telling my niece her brother will always mean more to me because I raised him?'
"AITA for telling my niece her brother will always mean more to me because I raised him?"
Necessary_Light_6626
When I (43f) was 18, and my sister (47) was 22, she had my nephew (let's call him Luke) with her then BF (now husband). My sister and her husband didn't have any interest in Luke when he was born so I took the role of taking care of him. I got my grandmother (she's an angel) to watch him while I was in my last year of high school in exchange for me cleaning and cooking for her on the weekends.
My parents weren't much help either, they would give me about $100 a month for Luke, and if you have a kid then you know it's not much. Me and my grandmother were the only ones to take care of him.
A year after I graduated from high school I was kicked out with my nephew because my parents, sister, and her husband didn't want to deal with us anymore. My sister said she wished she never gave birth to him.
I immediately went to my grandmother and we went to a family law attorney and I got custody of him and my sister and her husband signed their rights to me.
I lived with my grandmother and when I went to community college and my part-time job she watched my son (Luke). It was a lot of work, especially when my grandmother passed away when my son was 6. My grandmother left 90% of her things to me in her will, which caused my parents and sister to reach out to me under false intentions to see my son and I to reconnect.
That didn't last long and I told them they could either act right or never see us again. My dad decided to actually reconnect with my son and I and now we're close, while my mom and I don't really talk much but she treats Luke nice.
When Luke was 8, both my sister and I became pregnant and that's when my sister decided she wanted my son back and started to tell him that my husband and I wouldn't love him anymore once my "actual" son came along.
My husband met my son when he was 5 and we were already together for a year before he met my son. My husband treats Luke like his and we got married when my son was 7 and adopted him when he was 9, with my son's permission.
We found out that my sister was saying this when one day he broke down crying asking us not to leave him after we told him that would never happen. He explained what my sister and her husband were saying. Luke knows that he's not my biological son but he is my son.
After that I cut contact with my sister and her husband again and did family therapy and individual therapy for my son. When I had my son (1 pregnancy, 2 children) I made it clear that our love for him (Luke) didn't change. When my sister reached out about two years later I decided to go low contact with her with the okay from my son and husband.
My husband and I live comfortably while my sister and her husband struggle sometimes financially. My kids do extracurricular activities, get the presents they wanted, and go on one big family trip in the summer. While my sister and her husband couldn't afford much.
So when my niece was around 9, my sister started making comments about how I needed to pay for this or that for my niece but I told her it wasn't my job. I gave my niece the gifts she wanted, took her out from time to time but nowhere near how I would treat my own kids.
Now my son (2nd) is turning 17 and my husband and I were talking about getting him a cheap starter car. We did the same for Luke when he was 17. My niece is also turning 17 and apparently my sister told her she was going to get a car too.
The thing is my sister can't afford to buy her a car so she asked me to but I told her I wasn't going to buy her a car. I said that I didn't promise her one and that it's not my job to get her one. My sister then got mad and didn't talk to me for a while.
When my son's 17th birthday came around we surprised him with a car. My niece then called me a couple of days later screaming and crying asking me why I hate her and why I can't treat her the same as her brother.
I calmly told her things were different. Her brother is my son while she is my niece. I'm her aunt and nothing more, that as an aunt my job was birthday presents, Christmas presents, and showing up when it mattered, that was it. That her brother will always be more to me than she'll ever be. Then my niece started yelling at me again telling me that I'm being unfair and hung up.
My sister then called me to berate me about how I need to do more, I told her if she wouldn't have promised a car to her or my money to my niece no of this wouldn't have happened. It's been a couple of days and I'm getting calls from some family and some of my sister's friends calling me a b^%$# and some other things.
I do feel bad because my kids did grow up with more and I guess I could have helped more. So AITA for what I said to my niece?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
2_LEET_2_YEET
SOOOOOO NTA
You adopted their first kid, already way more than a whole lot of people would do.
Reasonable-Bad-769
Right? Not only that, but as a teenager she literally raised him and sacrificed for him - I repeat, a teenager showed more maturity, responsibility and compassion than a houseful of adults. I mean her sister is one thing, but even the grandparents. Appalling.
grumbleGal
Curious why you decide to maintain a relationship with your horrible sister and her husband?
The OP responded here:
Necessary_Light_6626
Because she had my niece but mainly talking to my dad about it. It's why I maintained low contact, we only really talk when big holidays and birthdays come up.
delta_seven7
Nta your sister has caused so much drama and confusion, she has caused so much hurt to you and your son. You may need to reevaluate why you want her in your life. After the things she did I would've cut off contact but that's me. Just note that this is a pattern and will continue.
Virtual_Space_286
NTA. Please rid your life of these scum bags. If your dad doesn’t like it tell him to take a hike as well. He is only a slightly smaller pile of shit because of how he handled things when you were 18. The time when you needed him most.