Man disowns sister for 'bleeding him dry,' she turns the family against him. AITA?
"AITB for cutting ties with my sister after she refused to pay me back?"
Little_Bug5615
My sister (F30) and I (M26) lost our mother to an unfortunate car accident back in 2017. When that happened I was 20 y/o and not really prepared to live on my own yet. My parents had split up when I was a child, and my father lived a few towns over. So, I decided to move in with him, and I still live with him.
Since having moved in together, he has gotten remarried to a woman with two sons and we all live together in one house together. My sister, by the time our mother passed away, was already living on her own. But, bizarrely, when I moved in with my dad, she would begin asking me if she can borrow money from me.
She promised to pay it back, but of all the times she borrowed she only paid me back once. All other times she neglected to pay me back, building up the amount of money she owed. I tried telling her about this many times, and she would brush of any mention of this with "Oh my boyfriend and I will get paid this week, we'll pay you back when it comes in" and nothing would come of that.
I understand she's an adult and has adult expenses she has to pay, but so do I. If I keep giving her money, I won't be able to take care of those expenses. I put up with this because she would guilt trip me, using our mother as bait. She would say things like "We're the only thing she has left, she wouldn't want you to give up on me."
Her guilt trips kept me doing this, but something finally caused me to end my support for good. In February of 2022, our maternal grandfather passed away and my sister was the one who delivered the bad news to me.
Within less than 24 hours, she asked once again to borrow money that she had no intention of paying back. Something inside me snapped, most likely because I was trying to grieve and she didn't seem to care that I might be in an emotionally bad place.
This caused me to block her on Facebook, block her phone number, and cut all ties she had to contact me. She didn't have my address, so no danger of her coming to look for me. I know that sounds extreme but my sister has a history of being aggressive, and I wouldn't put it past her.
After that, I thought it was fine, but some family friends of ours caught wind of what happened and recently started messaging me, telling me how bad a brother I'm being to her. I can't help if she can't keep her money straight, I am an adult and need to pay my own bills. I can't be expected to pay hers as well simply because we're family. Am I the ahole here?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
furyoffive
YWNBTB - People who borrow money with no intentions of paying it back suck and they prey on the goodwill of the people doing the lending. Its always a new sob story. I got hit with that some years back.
My neighbor with the "can i borrow money to take a taxi to a hospital in another town" Wanted $50, i got sucked in for $20. I'm curious as to what amount it cost her to be rid of her?(think of the scene from Bronx tale)
The OP responded here:
Little_Bug5615
I can't remember the exact amount but it got into triple digits. The times she asked was spread out by months between the years of 2018 to 2022.
furyoffive
wow thats a lot for some young adults. I got into thousands with an ex-gf in my early-mid 20s. Paying both halves of the bills for the other person to spend their money on trips and whatnot. crazy how the family will only hear her side of the story.
Do you want to reconcile with your sister? Maybe don't lend her money again until she zero's out her balance. Did you keep track from the beginning? if so, did you expect it to go this way?
The OP again responded:
Little_Bug5615
I never expected her to drag it out as long as she did. I tried keeping track, but lost it somewhere along the way. Life started getting distracting at points. I would love to reconcile with her, but unfortunately she is incredibly dependent on other people to fix her problems. She did this exact thing to both our maternal grandparents when we were teenagers.
SlabBeefpunch
Tell everyone calling you to feel free to loan your sister all the money they want.
south3y
NTA. Ignore the flying monkeys. Tell them they can give her money, if they like. You're tapped out.
The OP got in one final jab here:
Little_Bug5615
What a coincidence you say that, her favorite color is green.