Teen refuses to share room with stepsister, 'I don't WANT to bond with that kid.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to share a room with my stepsister?"
Careful-Reach-5542
Stepsister (14f) and I (16f) have been stepsisters for 6 years and I have known her for about 7.5 years. She has always wanted us to be the super close sisters who share a room and share our clothes and stuff.
I was a happy only child before her so it wasn't the same for me. When my mom and her dad moved in together we each got our own room. She wanted us to share, I did not. My mom and her dad said we had the space to each have a room so there was no need to share.
She was upset and got very annoying about it. My mom bought me a lock for my room but my stepsister would try to force her way in. She moved stuff into my room on occasion.
She stole stuff from me and tried to bribe me into sharing so she'd return my stuff. She got in trouble for it but it didn't endear me to her. She would also correct me when my friends came over and I would call her a stepsister.
Sometimes she would start yelling "sister sister sister" over and over because I would never call her a sister. It was always stepsister and even that I hate because I really wish we had no connection.
Things improved a little a couple of years ago and we hung out some. But then she wanted to share again and it became a huge ordeal. Made even worse by the fact I locked my room up whenever I went to stay at my grandparents and I refused to let her join me.
A year ago my grandma came to pick me up and my stepsister ran over and called her a b word for not being her grandma too. Grandma is my paternal grandma and my dad died when I was 6 so nothing to my stepsister.
My parents and grandparents and I also lived together until dad died and then mom and I continued living with them for another 16 months after dad died. My mom and her husband moved to a new house a few weeks before Christmas.
I have two half siblings now and my mom and her husband wanted more rooms. At first it looked like we might need to share but there is a much smaller room and I happily took that over sharing. I just store a lot of stuff at my grandparents. My mom did ask if I would consider a trial period of sharing but accepted my no.
My stepsister is really angry and she cries sometimes now and I know it's because she has herself gone crazy over this. She told me I'm awful and I'm ruining our relationship forever. I didn't say this, but I would be so happy if our relationship ceased to exist one day.
If mom divorces I won't ever see her again. And honestly? Two more years I'm out and I might see her once a year or once every two years and I won't even pretend we're actual family. I won't celebrate her birthday or invite her to mine. I won't attend her wedding or invite her to mine.
She's making everyone miserable over this and I think her dad is a little frustrated that I wouldn't try. My stepsister is very vocal to everyone about me being a complete jerk. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Kitastrophe8503
What 14 year old wants to share a room? Dad needs to get stepsister into therapy cuz she is not handling the blended family thing well. NTA.
The OP responded here:
Careful-Reach-5542
Someone who still has this idealized version of having a big sister and what will come with it. She might hate the reality of it. But I would be more annoyed trying to get to that point and I don't want to punish myself. So I kept to my no.
angry-always80
Or she could love it and then there be no escape. So the no not trying is better then trying to get away when you know it won’t work out.
solivia916
NTA. You like your space and there is enough for you to have it, if your stepsister wants to be close… trying to force her way into your space isn’t the way to do it. But remember, she was an only child before too.
And while she is being an AH about how I think the motivation of wanting a sister is cute, and I hope she one day sees that the way into someone’s heart is the same way into someone’s room: she needs to be invited.
The OP again responded:
Careful-Reach-5542
I know and I think that's why she idealized the idea so much. I just don't find it cute. But I'm at the point of disliking her and being in the same space as her.
Ok_Childhood_9774
NTA and this girl sounds more like a leech than a stepsister. I'd live in a broom closet before I'd agree to share any space with her. I'm very glad your mother has your back.
KronkLaSworda
NTA. I really don't get what this obsession is about. But mom and step dad should have gotten her a therapist years ago and helped her through this.
mfruitfly
NTA. If she let go of room sharing and spent 5 minutes just trying to be nice and get along, she could build a relationship with you. She wants the final result, which in her mind is sharing a room and being besties, without doing any of the work to get there, and her fixation only made it so she will never get what she wants.
And this isn't your problem. Your mother and her father should have stepped in a long time ago, particularly when she called your grandma a b word. While they aren't giving in to her, THEY are the ones who have created a miserable environment by not fully checking her and getting her to move on from this point.
So all you can and should do is tell your mom you aren't sharing a room, there's no reason to discuss it, and they need to handle the result of her getting away with doing this over the years to make the relationship worse (breaking in to your room, harassing you, calling your grandma names.)
This is a problem for your mother and stepfather to figure out. You just keep your room locked and don't let your stepsister bother you.