Woman finds out through TikTok that her husband has a second family. UPDATED 2X
"My(41f) husband(52m) has a second family on the side"
Throwra-brokenwife
I’ve been sitting with this information for almost two weeks now and I still don’t know how to proceed. My husband has been in what seems like a committed relationship with another woman and he’s playing happy families with her and her three sons.
They’re even planning on having a baby. A week ago I stumbled on a TikTok account of this lady sharing her recipes and, in the background, I recognized my husband’s back.
I wasn’t too sure at first but after taking a real good look and as his wife I know that fools neck, back, legs and the clothing he was wearing. So, I went looking through her posted videos just to piece together a confirmation of it really being my husband and I continued to keep an eye on him and his movements, but he seemed normal.
It’s clear to me now that he has his cheating down to a science. Every time he went on his work trips she’d post these videos saying she’s cooking a new recipe because her man is coming back from his work trip.
She’d plate the food up and I’d recognized his grubby hands by their look and the way he’d hold the cutlery (he has a peculiar way of holding it; kind of looks like a neanderthal discovering forks and knifes)
I can’t believe this b@stard has been with her for three years. I don’t know how he found the time to start an entire relationship on the side. I thought we were happy. He tells me loves me all the time. Always brings me a gift from his work trips.
When he’s home we have a great physically intimate life and pretty much go at it four to six times a week. We talk all the time. We’ve been married for twenty one years and we have two daughters. We lost our eldest son 10 years ago but we worked through it and got closer than ever before.
We are even due to have our twenty second anniversary and it’s his turn to plan it (we alternate who plans the anniversary each year). I know he’s been planning an elaborate party for us.
So why is he cheating? I am so angry and don’t know what steps to take. I am utterly distraught. I thought we were happy. I thought he loved our little life. I feel like I can’t think and I barely know where to start. I can barely focus.
What do I do and how do I do it? I love coming on here and reading things and giving advice but now that it’s me I feel like I can’t think. I nearly burned my kitchen down because I literally spaced out and forgot that I was cooking.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
CrystalQueen3000
Collect all the evidence, all of the videos and a timeline of all of his “work trips”, contact a divorce lawyer and hit him with divorce papers. I’m normally of the approach that splits should be as amicable as possible but this fucker has a whole second family… Be the definition of a woman scorned.
The OP responded here:
Throwra-brokenwife
I’ve been downloading all her tiktoks and screenshot everything she has posted on her instagram. I have also been collecting all our bank statements but I can’t find anything incriminating. At this point I’m thinking he has a secondary bank account I don’t know of and he’s probably having the post delivered at his office or at his mistresses house.
I’m actually considering hiring a private investigator to do a deep dive since I can’t find any other evidence of his cheating.
Single_Vacation427
Do a credit check for free on him, you might find info on his other accounts or credit cards. A PI could be helpful, but you need to consult with a lawyer first and they might have a PI. If you are spending on a PI, you need to do it because you'll get more money or something in the divorce.
Don't waste a lot of money on a PI just because you want to know. And you'll need a PI with a license so the information can be used in a divorce proceeding.
trilliumsummer
Do you have copies of your tax returns? I’d find those - if you can’t you can request them the IRS. If none of your accounts are seemingly being spent on her he might be lying to you about how much he makes.
You can pull his credit report which will show you any credit cards he has you don’t know about. If you can I’d check his wallet some time to see if there’s and debit cards from a bank you don’t know of.
Checking his email might be harder, but that could also have emails from financial institutions. Make a list of the big ones to search for if you get access to his email. Forward stuff you find to a new email of yours he doesn’t know with a password he wouldn’t know. DELETE the emails from the sent folder after you send them.
The OP again responded here:
Throwra-brokenwife
“If you can I’d check his wallet some time to see if there’s and debit cards from a bank you don’t know of.”
DEFINITELY going to do this! Thank you!
Single_Vacation427
Talk to a lawyer first. Don't talk to him. He is most likely spending money on her too. You need to check all of your finances to make sure he is not in debt or taking money from any joint accounts, savings, retirement. I'd also do a credit check on him, the free ones, and see if he has opened any credit cards or has loans/debt. It could be considered marital debt.
You need to set everything up to cover for yourself and your children. Most likely, he will move with her which means he will be away and you will have full custody, so you need to get everything prepared to be able to support them and yourself.
If you tell him, he'll have time to hide money, because you said he has a business. The business aspect means you need a very good lawyer because you'll be entitled to a % of the business or he can pay you, but establishing the worth of the business can be difficult.
A little under a month later, the OP returned with an update.
"Update to- My(41f) husband(52m) has a second family on the side"
Throwra-brokenwife
Firstly, thank you all for your kindness and for all the great advice you’ve given me. I am truly grateful! The past couple weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. I have been able to engage the services of a great divorce lawyer and I was advised to not let my husband know that I am aware of his affair.
I was then finally given the go ahead a few days ago, and well at first he refused to admit to anything. But, I was prepared for that and I showed him all the online posts his mistress made. I also showed him pictures taken by my investigator.
He still denied it. Then he accused me of being insane. Then, after hours of me just throwing evidence after evidence at him, he finally admitted to the affair. He tried to twist things so that he could weasel and lie his way out of it but I was relentless. I did not let him twist reality and make me doubt the plain truth.
We argued all day and all night; it was exhausting. The next morning, he tried to get on my good side because I woke up to him having made breakfast and he was begging me to not hate him and to find it in my heart to forgive.
I told him I could not and that and that I wanted a divorce. That brought on the waterworks and he called me a heartless and a unforgiving b*tch. He then left to take his things to his parents' house as I had asked him to leave.
While he was at his parents', I went to his mistress’ home. My sister went with me (she waited in the car) and well, she let me in and we talked. She wasn’t even surprised I was there (I had already suspected she was aware of him being a married man but I still gave her the benefit of the doubt).
She was actually gloating when she told me about how in love he is with her, how good he is to her boys and how he bought her the house, the car and all the other money he spent on her.
She then told me if I wasn’t such a lazy b*tch and gold digger, he wouldn’t have been so easily taken and how my lack of submission and servitude was the reason he cheated (how am I a lazy b*#@h when I’m the primary parent and homemaker is beyond me and how am I a golddigger I don’t understand as I work and earn more than him).
As she was flapping her gums, he arrived and he was p*%$ed off at her. (he was calling me a ton and I had texted him that I was at the mistress’ house) They argued as he told her not to speak to me like that and he in no uncertain terms told her that he wants to be with me, that she’s ruining his chance at saving his marriage.
I just thanked her for being forthcoming and continued to laugh my way out of the house because yes, my husband makes great money, but as his business partner I own half of his business and as his wife I own half of all his other asset’s.
So, I am glad that she gloated and that she confirmed that he paid for most of what she has. Now I know for certain that neither he nor she deserve an ounce of my sympathy, and I will take back everything he ever gave her, and much more!
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this latest update:
Supafly22
I’m always suspicious when everything lines up a little too perfectly and the “business partner” line is throwing up red flags.
Designer_Praline
How does a spouse manage to spend so much money on someone else, especially buying a house, without the other one knowing?
WolverineNo8799
I hope that your divorce attorney has a field day with him. The day his AP gets booted out of the house he bought her will be a great day. Enjoy taking back what is rightfully yours.
Update me!
The OP responded here:
Throwra-brokenwife
Oh I certainly look forward to taking possession of the house and clawing back every penny spent on her!
Typical_Agency8984 said:
Hire a forensic accountant ASAP.
Throwra-brokenwife OP:
Oh did that because I’m certain he used company finances to live extra lavishly.
No-Koala-7019 asked:
Is he still trying to get you back, or is he now with the mistress.
Throwra-brokenwife OP responded:
He was at the house earlier today and begging on his knees then screaming please please don’t do this,then flipping out. He finally left after I had threatened to call the police.
He’s also constantly sending me crazy a#@ texts saying we shouldn’t let the devil get between us, he’s also sending me inspirational quotes and stories, links to marriage councellors and begging me to go to it.