Stepdad keeps trying to get stepdaughter to date stepcousin and it is creeping her out. AITA?
'They're trying to get me to date my step-cousin and I'm losing my mind over it'
Pop_Pineapple
I (16F) am being pressured by my step-dad to date someone from his family. I'm in a public high-school and the person he wants me to date is 17 and homeschooled in a different state. The guy has a crush on me... like a big one. I think he's sweet and all but there's also a lot of other factors.
For starters... he's my step-cousin. That's just weird in my mind I guess. Second, and the most importantly, I'm already in a relationship. My mom, step-dad, and biological dad knew about it since we got together.
I've been with my current partner (15F) for almost a year now. It will officially be a year in a few weeks. I love her very much and we're in a good relationship. I know high-school relationships don't tend to last but I'm not gonna think of it that way because I care about her.
I hate calling him my step-dad so we'll call him James or something. James has been trying to get me and my step-cousin (we'll call him Adam) to date since we met. Me and Adam get along well. We tend to walk around together whenever there are some dumb parties we have to go to.
We got closer and James began making fun of us. I've known Adam since I was 12 and he was 13. We just became better friends because we had so much in common and yet our lives were so different.
James keeps calling us 'lovebirds' and it's starting to make me really uncomfortable and p*ssed off. I'm with someone I care about and it just feels so gross for him to say that stuff. I don't wanna reciprocate it. I've been trying to avoid Adam somewhat in hopes to get him to lose feelings and also to hopefully make the teasing die down.
It's not working. I'm losing my sh*t. I apologize if this is long or seems dumb, not the worst thing in my life but its just so irritating.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Bucephalus-ii
Well James need to calm down, that’s for sure. It’s weird, and downright inappropriate. I recommend a direct approach. Tell him in no uncertain terms, he’s being creepy and needs to stop. Get angry. The goal is to scare him into compliance.
The whole problem with dating cousins is that you’re genetically closely related. If he’s a step-cousin, then I’m not seeing a problem there. The main thing is you’re already in a happy relationship with someone else.
Actual_Sprinkles_291
I would not be surprised if this is him trying to push you into a ‘normal’ straight relationship, especially if he’s ignoring that you have a girlfriend (and currently obviously disrespecting that)
crafty-birthworker
From the POV of a mother of a son about your age: my recommendation is to go straight to your mom and let her know in clear language that James is making you feel very uncomfortable and see if she will make it stop.
If that doesn't work- talk to bio-dad. If neither parent will intervene, then go to James directly. If he doesn't react favorably, then you could try finding another trusted adult to talk with and ask for advice from.
If your relationship with James is good, then you could go straight to him first, but I sense that it may not be your ideal choice. It could help to talk to the step-cousin and let him know how you're feeling. Solidarity in rebuffing the adults' comments might be helpful.
It does NOT matter if the adults in your life think you're being dramatic, or if they're 'just kidding.' This isn't about their feelings or their intentions- it's about your feelings... which are completely valid. You deserve to be comfortable and not harassed in your home. You deserve to be heard and have your boundaries respected- regardless of whether they agree.
Best of luck to you!! I hope this situation is resolved soon for you.
DRTmaverick
Yes tell him his suggestions are not only inappropriate but make you uncomfortable to be around him. Tell your mother as well- if you need to talk to school counselors about the situation if it feels wrong.
SpeechSalt5828
I'm sorry you are going through this. IDK what to tell you other than James is a major creep. He's your mom's husband so your mom can't help. Adam has a crush on you so he's no help. sending hugs.