'AITA for being angry my mom went on a vacation to Hawaii without telling me?'
"AITA for being angry my mom went on a vacation to Hawaii without telling me?"
There needs to be a little context so let me explain. I’m an only child (16M) with divorced parents. My mom has a guest (another cousin of mine) who is staying in MY room from June to August.
I was with my dad on a Sunday when my mom texted me to bring clothes to her house. I asked why and if she had any plans. She said not to worry about it and that it shouldn’t matter if she has plans or not because it’s her week to have me as my parents have 50/50 custody over me.
She also said that she’s on vacation time from work but never mentioned that we would be going anywhere. And although in the past she thought of going somewhere, she mentioned that it might be local.
Anyway, I told her that I already have plans with some cousins and she snapped asking why I don’t want to come home.
I told her that for starters, my cousin is staying in MY room because we have no guest bedroom, and that I don’t want to sleep on the couch in the living room or on the floor (I am a big guy as well so the couch or the floor wouldn’t be as comfortable).
Also, my cousin would be staying until days before I start school, and I didn’t want to not have my room for months before I start school again. After a few minutes of bickering back and forth, she eventually said that she wants me to go to my cousin's.
After about an hour, she texts back again saying that I should bring clothes. I ask if she has plans and that I need to know because not only do I not want to sit in the house all day (not even in my own room) doing nothing, and that I already have plans with cousins.
She snaps and after that I eventually gave up, wanting to end this argument. I told her she can pick me up at the end of the day, but she refuses and says I can just go to my cousin's.
I told her that I chose the latter and then she gets mad again. I end the conversation by telling her, and I quote, “Let me know when you’re done being mad at me.”
I am now at my cousin's and after looking at things on sale on Amazon, I noticed delivered packages a few days earlier (me and my mom share the same account), and they were supplies for the beach.
I checked my mom’s location, and she is in the middle of Honolulu, Hawaii. I am in disbelief and angry that my mom wouldn’t tell me her plans and that I missed out on a trip to Hawaii. I have yet to lash out at her, but I told my cousins about it and I am really frustrated. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA for wanting to know what your mom had planned before you cancelled your plans and went home to a house where someone else is sleeping in your bed. I assume it was her idea, not yours, to invite your cousin to spend 3 months sleeping in your room.
Leaving you behind because you didn't want to come home under these circumstances is pretty punitive. Your mom is weirdly controlling. I have kids your age and I wouldn't do this.
It’s Divorced Parents 101: if you want your kid to spend meaningful time with you (and not resent you for it), you need to make and keep space for them in your home that’s 100% theirs. She wanted him to want to come to her on his own, but she didn’t make and keep a space for him to feel comfortable doing so.
Yeah the Y T A judgements are weird here, this whole situation gave me the ick.
NTA OP, it sucks that you missed the trip but also your mom really should have been clearer and if she wanted to take you on a fun trip and then didn’t take you to punish you for not wanting to spend time with her, she wasn’t trying to take you, she was trying to manipulate and was doing that for herself, not you.
NTA. It’s completely unhinged to not be told about major plans like a vacation. I love going on vacation, but it would be my worst nightmare to be told “pack some clothes and come over” and suddenly be off on vacation.
I’m so sorry to hear that your mom’s done this sh*tty thing! You gave really sensible reasons about why you didn’t want to go over. How hard would it have been to explain that she had a surprise planned?
I think it’s really spiteful of her to leave without telling you about her plans. You literally asked what the plan was! Sure you might have meant just for the day, but she knew what she was actually up to.
I'm not going on a surprise vacation with anyone as an adult so I definitely wouldn't expect a child to do that. Bring clothes - how would you know how to pack? If I was your dad, I would not be cool with that or you not having a room for three months. NTA. Your mom is an a**hole.
You’re NTA, your mom is. the yta votes have me extremely confused because it seems y’all forgot he is sixteen, not an adult.
The mother clearly has horrible communication skills and to be honest, i wouldn’t wanna go to her with the lack of information she gave him and the fact that someone is in his room for several months…. not a day, not a week… months without his permission
Your mom needs to work on her communication because she is the adult, not him. she acted like a grumpy brat when it was her own doing. Hawaii sounds lovely but probably not with her if this is how she behaves. she seems like she’d just hold it over your head