Teen shunned by parents for 'abandoning' family business, applying to college. + Updated
"This is my last weekend with my family and they don’t even know it"
adscer_183
Don’t get me (18M) wrong, I love them, but they expect me to spend the rest of my life here in the projects joining my dad at his work. They never wanted me to leave the house let alone the state. I remember a few months ago when we were talking about college they looked at me like I was crazy.
My dad got so outraged that he was yelling at me and my mom has been basically guilt tripping me ever since about abandoning my family when they raised me, saying the least I could do would be to stay and help my dad with his business.
That’s not the life I want though. For years they always kind of decided that I’m not doing anything else except this. So they don’t even know that I started applying at different colleges. Or that I’ve got a full scholarship. Couldn’t even share that news with them because they’d lose their minds.
My girlfriend and I already found an apartment to move in together closer to campus (which is like 20 hours away from here). Our summer classes start in over a week so we decided this is gonna be our last weekend here so we can have time to move.
I’m not taking a lot with me except my clothes and important papers. She told me I should tell them since we’re already leaving anyway but I don’t have the heart to do it.
To be honest I don’t want today and tomorrow to be fighting or them being sad/mad with me. I want our last weekend to be normal before I have to leave. Just hope they can accept my choice in the future.
Edit: We’re on the road!! I’ll post more on the details later.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's intial post:
Wreckingass
You will piss a lot of people off in your life in the pursuit of what is best for you. If they love you, they’ll respect what you’re doing. It might not be now, but in the future. It sounds like it’s going to cut them deep, but they should be proud of you for forging your own path. Congratulations on university!
RichardBonham
I had a classmate in professional school who was the first in his extended family to ever go to college, let alone professional school. I remarked that I figured his family must be very proud of him. He ruefully told me they all hate him and told him he just thinks he’s better than all of them.
You don’t sound like you have a superiority complex, OP. You sound capable, smart enough to earn a full scholarship and you know how you want to spend your life. And it is your life. You cannot go backwards, but you can go forward as far as you can. I wish you every happiness and success, and I hope your family eventually comes around.
MaelstromFL
OP, call your local police station non-emergency line and let them know that you are leaving under your own will. That way you already have it on record if they put in a missing person report!
ETA: Wow, that blew up! Thanks for all the up votes and awards!
The-Bubbly-Tub
I sincerely hope that OP sees this comment, this is an incredibly smart thing to do. Also, make sure their name isn’t on anything that’s legally yours (bank accounts, vehicle, phone, insurance, etc) to ensure they don’t try to pull the rug out from underneath you.
Also congratulations on you and your girlfriend getting scholarships and pursuing bettering yourselves and your futures. I’m just a random stranger, but I’m incredibly proud of you both. Keep your head up, friend, you got this!
Meastro44
Congratulations. Imagine desperately trying to keep your kid in poverty. So sad. Work your ass off and you’ll be successful. I am extremely proud of you.
The OP responded here:
adscer_183
Thank you 🥹 It sucks that I couldn’t even share the most exciting news of my life with them. My girlfriend’s parents took us out to eat to celebrate us both getting accepted with scholarships. I legit cried when they told me they were proud of me because it made me wish that was my parents saying it even more.
MedievalHag
Congratulations on the scholarship and your efforts to make a better life for yourself. Enjoy the weekend with your family and tell them when you think the timing is right.
And to echo what another said… make sure you take this opportunity seriously. Go to class, study and do well. Many squander this opportunity but it sounds like you have your priorities straight.
Oh, and one last piece of advice (hope this is ok) be careful of unwanted pregnancy. Kids are great, but at the right time in your life. I know, none of my business, right? Enjoy your new life and immerse yourself fully. Good luck.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update.
"Update: This is my last weekend with my family and they don’t even know it"
adscer_183
So I added in my last post that my girlfriend and I were on the road already but that I’ll say more later. Here it is. The whole thing went as hard as I expected it. I mentioned in another comment my parents thought all we were doing was going on a camping trip with my girlfriend’s family for a few days.
When I hugged them to say bye they thought this was still a camping trip.Like an hour-ish in I FaceTimed with them to say the truth. We pulled over so I could talk to them outside the car. My dad was yelling my mom was crying.
He couldn’t believe he raised me to be this selfish with them. All my mom could say was she can’t even look at me right now since I basically picked school over my family. It broke my heart to be honest.
But it made me glad we didn’t have this talk in person because it would’ve hurt a million times worse. Trying to tell them I’m not abandoning them and I WANT them to be part of this journey with me didn’t work.
Nothing I said worked at all. My mom completely left the conversation so it was only my dad, all he had left to say though was I better not expect help from them ever in the future because “help is for family” and I’ve shown them I’m not family anymore.
He hung up on me. They haven’t sent any other messages since yesterday. My girlfriend was the best supporter here. I cried it out and she was hugging me the whole time until we got back on the road again.
Right now I feel like the movie Tangled going through different stages between happy and guilty. I’m trying not to focus too much on my family. Just to be excited for the future.
We are taking the scenic route going up the pacific coast highway. Last night we made it to Santa Barbara to spend the night. We took a detour to the beach this morning and we’re on our way now to this little place called Solvang to look around for a bit.
It’s been fun so far. We want to make it a memorable experience so we’re gonna be making a few more stops along the way to just look at everything. We’ll probably be making it in 2 or 3 days but we still have time to settle in before our classes start. Still sad obviously but we are still enjoying the drive together.
I really appreciated everyone’s support here. Didn’t respond to everyone but I’ve read almost all of your comments during the drive. You guys are so sweet! Thank you for showing your support because this really was the hardest thing I had to do.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:
metaldarkwarrior
Hopefully your parents can learn to understand your decision in the future. Good luck in college!
thebluewitch
You're supposed to want a better life for your kids.
bitemark01
Yeah "I guess we're not family anymore" - if all you want from someone is to do exactly what you say, that's not family. The fact that they called him selfish is the most narcissistic gaslighting comment.
Feelinggross99
The parents attitude is so confusing to me. I understand there's a lot of parents/people out there that don't want the people close to them to show them up or whatever.
But if you're kid is smart, business savvy, and a good chance at making money why wouldn't you want that? At least from the same selfish standpoint of "we raised you so you owe us" I would think they'd want him to make money to give to them.
HelloKittonMittons89
I don’t know if OP will see this, but I am the first person in my family to graduate high school. I went on to college. It was hard especially when others want to drag you back down because the change is scary and hard.
I am proud of OP. It’s been almost 20 years for me and I will say it was the best decision I ever made. If I have one piece of advice, build a good chosen family. You got this OP.