'AITA for refusing to go on family vacation and 'ruining it' for everyone else?'
"AITA for refusing to go on family vacation and 'ruining it' for everyone else?"
thatinfertileone
Every year, the first week of the year my MIL and (step)FIL take their kids, and now their families, on a vacation. This started because both have kids from other marriages and it was too hard/chaotic to try to work out Christmas with the other parents so they started this and they celebrate Christmas there. They always go to a place where they could go skiing and/or snowboarding.
I cannot ski or snowboard, I’ve never made a big deal of it and I would just go tubing or to the spa and just generally relax while they are out. In 2022 I was pregnant so I couldn’t go tubing but I also had a 1 year old so I went out with him in the snow and played, walked around, or just hung out in the room.
Last year I had 3 kids (my now 2 year old and 2 7 month olds) and was pretty much stuck in a non baby proofed room with them all week. It wasn’t an enjoyable experience but I did it for the sake of their tradition and for my kids to see them.
This year I was also pregnant again, with triplets. I told my husband that I would rather not go this year because I don’t want to be far from the hospital in case and I don’t have the energy to keep up with 3 toddlers in another non baby proofed room.
Since all I would be doing is watching the kids, I’d rather do it at our home where I’m comfortable. He said he understood and asked if I would mind if he went.
I told him I would rather him not go the whole time, because we need time off for when the babies come, but otherwise I didn’t mind. So he told his mom and she wasn’t thrilled with it, really wanted our kids to come and him for the whole week, but she dropped it.
When my husband arrived at the vacation, his mom apparently lost it and started crying and ran to her room. FIL said she had hoped he would bring the kids because now it’s not a “family vacation.” She was apparently sad the rest of the time.
My husband said he just wanted to enjoy some time with his family and if he had brought the kids he would be spending time with his kids in a hotel room not the rest of the family.
So then they moved to me: “why couldn’t she come and watch the kids” “she’s not that far along” (22 weeks) “she’s watching the kids at home anyways, she could do it here” etc. My husband stuck up for me (at least he says he did) but the comments came here and there for the rest of the week.
We mainly ignored this and after the trip they didn’t bring it up again. Then they asked if we could come down for my husbands brothers surprise party at the end of February. This was a pretty easy no as I’ll be 29 weeks with triplets by that point, husband told his mom and it’s like the flood gates have opened.
Every possible “slight” I’ve committed against them is coming out but mainly me skipping the vacation and “ruining it” because it wasn’t a family vacation and that was the whole point. They say I’m keeping my husband from them on purpose. They aren’t wrong in that I could’ve watched the kids in the hotel room so I’m wondering if I am the AH?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
TinyBlonde15
Why didn't he go with the toddlers and let you rest up at home while you grow 3 more kids. Also kinda a joke but dang girl are you almost done? Are you okay? That's a lot on your body and I'm legitimately worried about ya.
celoplyr
My thought was "don't get pregnant again, it'll be quadruplets."
TinyBlonde15
Hahahaha oh yea God she's on a streak. Y'all get that vasectomy! Haha.
New-Link5725
NTA. But why isn’t your husband helping you with three, bound to be six kids? Why isn’t your husband helping you out with the kids on this “vacation” instead of spending all his time with his family.
Where your vacation in all of this or is this really just for him and you and kids come along so he doesn’t have to feel guilty. I'm confused because it doesn’t sound like your husband helps out with the kids during the “vacations.”
thatinfertileone OP responded:
On these vacations? He doesn’t help much during the day. He makes them breakfast and then goes out, typically eats lunch during their nap time, and then they get back and ready for dinner. He watches the kids while dinner is being made.
And then we all entertain them until bed. I guess this is just a system that works for us? I don’t particularly like the cold/snow/winter so I’m okay staying inside with the kids. He likes it so he goes out. Last year he did stay back 2 morning and we took all the kids out in the snow. On other vacations we each help equally.
International-Bar215
NTA Why is everyone fine with you being stuck in a hotel room all day on previous holidays? That goes for your husband too. Is he shutting them down now? Does he have your back? Do they not care that you are pregnant, and think it's fine to stress you out? Time to step back from them.
thatinfertileone OP responded:
I really don’t mind being in the hotel with the kids all day, winter/cold isn’t my thing. They like it so they go out. My husband does help with them some and if I told him I couldn’t handle it he would stay back no questions asked. He did shut them down and has now stopped responding to them.
As for the pregnancy, I think it’s because my last pregnancy we went on a trip with them when I was 32 weeks and I was “fine” (one trip to the ER) so why couldn’t I go on a trip at 22 or 29 weeks this time. Which is dumb because there’s a whole extra baby this time but I think that’s what they’re thinking.
FunnyCharacter4437
Has it dawned on them that next year it would be six kids all under 4 in one non-baby proofed room, and then following year would be six kids all under 5, and so on. Unless you're going for sainthood, they have to understand this "family" vacation is over for you. NTA.