Woman bans SIL from family vacation because she hates her 'awful' son. AITA?
"AITA for excluding my SIL and her family on a family vacation because her kid is awful?"
I 34f have kids 6m, 3f and 3m with my husband Luke 32m. Luke's family always goes on a big trip in the summer for the holidays with the kids in a big AirBnB. Usually it is our family, Luke's 3 brothers and their families and not his sister Anna 29f.
Anna never wanted to come before as she was single, and she said there were too many kids for her to be around (11 kids from the 4 families). Basically, she has always said she wouldn't enjoy the activities that are essentially set up for the kids/couples.
Anna has been dating Dave 33m for the past year and Dave has a son Sam 12m. I have met Dave at family functions with Anna. At our last family dinner at my house, Sam threw a tantrum over not liking the food and tried pulling the tablecloth off the table, spilling food and pushing plates on the floor, and he broke some of my tableware.
Sam also kicked my older son and tried teaching some of the younger kids swear words. Anna and Dave apologised and were very embarrased by Sam's behaviour and helped clean up.
However, neither of them tried disciplining Sam, who ran away with his phone given to him by his mom and watched videos while everyone else was cleaning up. I have met Sam 8 times, and all of them have been negative experiences.
Anna told me that Dave is scared of his ex-wife so he won't override her parenting and she doesn't believe in saying 'no' to Sam. Every time Anna tries saying something to Sam, he just reminds her that she is not his real mum.
This year, as a family, we had invited Anna and Dave to come along to the trip, however after meeting Sam, we collectively decided to uninvite them if they brought Sam.
This year we are going to a large beach house for two weeks, and being there with Sam sounds like a nightmare, as neither Anna or Dave will stop him.
Anna called me up and was upset, as she said Sam needed patience and time to adjust since he had been through a lot. Sam's mom is getting remarried and his dad has moved on. Anna said excluding Sam from this trip was mean and she told me to tell Sam to his face next time we meet that he will not be coming on the trip.
I tried explaining to her that this was a group decision and for the sake of everyone's wellbeing and so we all have a good experience on the trip, we had all decided to said no to him attending.
I offered to spend more time with Sam, Dave and Anna separately outside the trip as a family but she declined and will not speak to me. The rest of the family agrees with me, but the trip is next week now. I am just not fully sure that we are actually in the right here.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA. Until Sam can behave around people and not physically assault your kids, he can't be trusted on these trips. This is Anna and Dave's problem to solve.
NTA. Dave set the rule that NO ONE can tell Sam what to do. The only thing left is not allow Sam to come. If Dave & Anna can't get their head around that, then why do they want to come and ruin everyone's trip. That is super rude on their part. They are the only AH's.
NTA it is unfair for one child to ruin everyone’s vacation. And to be quite honest if this child’s behavior doesn’t get addressed not only will he be left out of this vacation NO ONE will want him around.
This child will be excluded from more and more things unless something is done about his behavior. So the parents can fix it or get use to him not being invited to things.
NTA. Actions (and inactions) have consequences.
NTA. Poor parenting has created a child that can not be disciplined by anyone, as instructed by Dave. If this child is a physical violence threat to the younger children and teaching then to behave poorly the only recourse is to not include him.