Woman tells 'deadbeat brother,' 'pay my rent or I'm reporting you to CPS.' AITA?
Sometimes the best way to show love to a family member is to cut them off.
This the the conundrum one woman found herself in with her brother. She writes about her frustration with the fact that he refuses to get his life together and worries that his immaturity is having an adverse effect on his son. Now, he is turning to her for help and she worries that she may be wrong for turning him down.
'AITA For “coldly and selfishly taking advantage” of my brother’s housing situation, rather than showing him more kindness?'
I’m (27F) and my brother Calvin’s (29M) son Aiden is (3M.) Some background information is that, for most of the year, Aiden goes to his mom Lillie’s (31F) every other week. However, Lillie runs a business that largely caters to summer tourists. So between now and the end of August, Aiden only goes to his mom’s house every other weekend since Lillie is working 16-hour days.
Because Aiden was born right before quarantine, our Dad allowed Calvin to move back in with him rent-free, only asking for a little bit of help around the house, so Calvin wouldn’t have to work in-person and possibly risk his or Aiden’s health.
Calvin took complete advantage of our Dad’s kindness. He constantly partied, wouldn’t contribute around the house, and lied about why he “needed” Dad to watch Aiden.
Dad has tried reasoning with Calvin for years, but Calvin has just blown him off and Dad’s had enough. He stood up to Calvin and said he is done with Calvin taking advantage of his kindness, and that it isn’t fair to him to be treated as a private daycare for Aiden while Calvin’s out drinking like a frat boy.
He gave Calvin four months to figure out actual childcare or work out a new custody arrangement with Lillie and then move out. We are now two weeks away from the move-out date that our Dad gave Calvin.
Calvin was seemingly just hoping for Dad to give up and resume their current living/childcare situation. Calvin is only accepting now that our Dad is serious and isn’t going to back down on this.
Our local housing market is awful (think SoCal levels of crazy expensive.) Calvin came to me asking to move in with me.
I made it very clear that if Calvin does move in, he is paying rent on-time with no exceptions. And I am not going to provide childcare for Aiden. Unless it’s an emergency (not “The babysitter cancelled and I “need” to go to this party!”) I am not going to be babysitting him.
If he tries to dump Aiden on me, I will report Aiden to CPS as abandoned so that they can contact Lillie to come and pick Aiden up.
Calvin is begging for a discount because he says the rent I am asking (Exactly half of what the mortgage costs me every month) is too high and he would have to get a part-time retail job.
Calvin and his high school friends were not very nice to certain people. He’s afraid of someone recognizing him and the possibility of being seen as a cliche person who peaked in high school.
I told Calvin I don’t care. Swallow your pride, suck it up, and grow up. I’m already offering a fair rent, and I won’t have him taking advantage of me the way he did with Dad.
Others have called me out and accused me of “coldly and selfishly taking advantage” of Calvin and treating him “like a stranger.”
I told these people that if they’re so concerned, they can help house Calvin and provide him with childcare. This got most of them to clam up, but two said that they aren’t Calvin’s sister and that “I’m disappointed in you, Sarah” for being “shrewd” to Calvin instead of showing him more kindness. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA have your brother sign a lease before he moves in with you. However, I don’t think you should let him move in. He is not going to pay you the rent. He will have a million excuses why he doesn’t have the money. He is already making excuses.
She's the a**hole to herself if she lets him move in, even if he miraculously gets a job. She doesn't understand the risks involved.
A lease will not help her. He will still take months to evict when he doesn't pay. It's not if. It's when. He just did it to dad. Thinking a few new 'rules' and a lease is going to change anything is laughable.
He is an intentionally unemployed, irresponsible partier, with self-admitted bully partier friends. She can ban them, but he has no respect for her, so he will invite them when she isn't there, and he will not respect her belongings or peace. His friends may steal or damage the home even if he doesn't somehow.
He has proven he won't clean or help or show gratitude . He will eat her food and use her stuff. He will expect her to buy stuff for the kid, and she will, because she has a heart.
This is going to be a huge, unfortunate learning lesson for OP if she lets him move in. He won't get a job to support his own kid properly because he's too entitled to work retail apparently. He sure won't get one just to pay OP if he wouldn't for his father.
OP, he's already shown you how he will act. Believe him the first time, and read up on how hard it is to evict people. It's a nightmare and extremely expensive, even in the very rare cases where ungrateful, disrespectful guests somehow don't damage the home or room.
I know all this because I've seen it happen to a lot of folks who just wanted to help family or friends who are irresponsible and entitled, and they ended up in a nightmare.
If he was just a decent, helpful, respectful person to your dad while he helped him, he wouldn't even need your help. Don't be his next mark to take advantage of. He isn't going to change suddenly. He's a thirty-year-old father. He can figure his own shit out.
He won't pay, and she'll end up having to evict him.
NTA but reconsider letting him move in at all.
'Upon careful consideration of your behavior I have reconsidered having you live with me at all. You've treated our father abysmally and you're behavior to my offering to house you despite you're behavior was deplorable. Consider said offer revoked'