'AITA for throwing my cousin and her family out of my home during a birthday dinner?'
"AITA for throwing my cousin, her husband and four children out of my home?"
JanThrow
I'm a 42 year old woman, married to a beautiful man. Every year I cook a lavish dinner for my husband's birthday and this year was no different. We usually invite all our friends and extended family.
For the past few years, I've stopped inviting my girl cousin to our home. There are several reasons for this.
1. I'm her husband's boss' boss, which makes her jealous for some reason.
2. She constantly makes these cringe worthy remarks about how well my husband and I live.
3. Her kids. She has four - 2 girls and 2 boys. I cannot stand them. They're loud, obnoxious and have clearly never been disciplined.
Because of the position of power I have over her husband, my cousin (Let's call her M) doesn't dare to complain much. We were never really close while growing up, so I don't miss talking to her.
Now, M's mother was my mom's little sister, and the two are very close. M was able to manipulate my mother into bringing her, her husband and 4 kids to my husband's birthday celebration. I was livid when I saw them.
M acted like nothing was wrong, while her husband couldn't meet my gaze. My mother begged me to include them in the celebration because "they're family". I took M's husband aside and told him that if his brats don't behave themselves, there will be consequences.
My husband cut the cake, we were having a good time when I heard a little girl's scream. It was our friend's daughter. M's 2 boys were trying to drown her in our indoor pool. M just laughed as if it was so funny!
Both the child's mother and I ran over and pulled M's two monsters off of her. M screamed at me not to touch her children. I told her husband that if he wishes to continue his career, he better get his wife and brats out of my house. He looked terrified and hurriedly got them out of there.
Since then, my mom and a few other relatives have been blowing up my phone with texts, telling me I was too harsh. And that shouldn't have threatened M's husband or thrown them out like that. What's your opinion? AITA?
Edit : Let me clarify that I wouldn't have used my position at work to intimidate M's husband if I felt they would listen to reason. I've dealt with these people before and the only time they cease their bullying is when they know that real consequences would follow. If they were good people, I wouldn't have threatened to ruin his career.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
sworn2carrymyburdens
NTA, What the actual fuck, they tried to drown a girl and they're acting like you're overreacting? I'm so confused. How did they react to this during the moment? What are they replying now when you're bringing up the drowning attempt?
The OP responded here:
JanThrow__
"But they're just kids"
Successful_Bath1200
NTA. They were not invited and your Mother brought them anyway. You have a Mother problem! You had every right to throw them out, in fact I don't know why you didn't send them packing right at the start including your Mum.
You area bit of an AH as well! You should not have threatened his job like that. This was a social event not work. He has witnesses to what you said! Should he take you to court for something in the future he could well use that against you!
fischy333
ESH. Firstly, the way you talk about yourself and your husband vs the way you talk about everyone else proves that you are incredibly conceited and that you think your way is the only “right way.” You clearly like to let people know that you are better than them and I’m sure you just have a general air of superiority to you.
Additionally, you are INCREDIBLY abusive with your power. The way you talk to M’s husband is insane and I would be encouraging him to sue you for abusing your power. He is obviously scared of you and I already thought you were an AH when you gave a veiled threat about “consequences” which could mean you were threatening his job.
But then you outright said it! None of this had anything to do with his position at work and to threaten his livelihood for personal reasons is disgusting. Your mom knows there are issues and shouldn’t have just brought them to strong arm you. Obviously this wasn’t going to go well with that being the starting point.
M should not have laughed and should have helped. Though given the way you talk about this family, I don’t even know that I can 100% trust your account. I feel like “trying to drown” is probably an exaggeration.
Maybe they weren’t being safe and it could have led to drowning, such as jumping up and down and making big waves or jumping on top of each other (which is very normal kid behavior). But what should be done in that situation is that someone calmly takes the kids aside and explains the danger after everyone is safe. You all just sound miserable.
notforcommentinohgoo
NTA for kicking them out.
But massively YTA for abusing your position of power to bully him in your private life.
BeckyDaTechie
ESH. Mixing work and family was a bad move, but I get that you were angry so that may have been a slip up. Still, A-hole move. Threaten his job over what he does at work if you have to; at home you should stick to making expectations clear regarding behavior.
He has a cooked noodle for a spine when it comes to his wife and kids apparently, which is a shame, but he wouldn't look like an AH now if he'd bothered to hash out parenting with his wife 2-3 kids ago.
M's... an entitled waste of a uterus from the sounds of this, but maybe there are extenuating circumstances. Kids with special needs, etc. can be a LOT and it's not their fault while it also wears out their caregivers.
If the kids don't have the help they need to learn how not to be assholes-- and dangerous ones at that-- then their guardians are the ones ultimately in the wrong (at least until a certain age where kids often start to figure out on their own that their usual behavior has different consequences).
If your mother knew about the consistently graceless behavior from this branch of the family, she's also an asshole for going around you and begging for them to be there against your express wishes. If she didn't know they'd be out of pocket enough to try to shove someone into the pool, then she's too soft-hearted for her own good, but not intentionally an AH.