Woman makes parents kick nephew out of will to spite disabled brother. UPDATED
"AITA for making my parents kick my nephew out of their will?"
I (47F) have always had a very strained relationship with my brother (51M). He's had a very bad accident when he was 17 and spend 3 months in a coma.
Ever since he's been the child my parents swooned over and they make excuses for everything he does; I've been to therapy because of this for over a decade as I resented him for my parents forgetting about me when I was younger, even though I love my parents to death.
My nephew (31M) has basically been raised by my parents as well. His mom passed away during childbirth and my brother lived with our parents till about 4 years ago when he moved in with his girlfriend.
Because my brother is handicapped and doesn't have big motor skills, a lot of the childcare was taken care of by my parents over the years. Till my nephew moved out of state 5 years ago for his job.
A couple of weeks ago, my parents were meeting with their lawyer to set up their will, as they're both no longer in the best of health and wanna make sure we're taken care of. The only big thing they have is their house and car.
They were saying that they wanna split the inheritance 3 ways, and I got confused and asked them why 3 ways considering it's only me and my brother. They said they wanted my nephew in there as well, as they basically raised him since birth and consider him largely as their child too.
I told them that's not fair as I have two kids as well and if my nephew is in the will, they should be as well. My brother said that what they're doing with their money is their business and I should stay out of it, but I disagreed. Eventually my parents agreed and didn't give my nephew 'his share'.
My brother called it a giant d*ck move and called me petty to punish my nephew for the resentment I have towards him. We broke out into a fight that my parents had to unfortunately break up.
My nephew called me a couple of days ago to check in on my youngest as he's her Godfather. He had already heard what happened and just said that it was a bit of Karen move, but he's not bothered by it as it's none of his business. But my brother is still very upset with me and my parents are rather cold to me as well, AITA here?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
NTA. OP's parents brought OP into the conversation about distribution and OP gave the opinion that a will that included the nephew should also include OP's children.
Yes, that is fair. If nephew gets a portion, then the other nieces/nephews should get a portion. Giving to one grandchild because he lived with them isn't much of a justification on its own, not that they NEED a reason. Their reasoning is flawed though that it would essentially give 2/3 to brother and his family, leaving 1/3 for OP and her family.
The grandparents don't need justification for what they do with their money, in my opinion. OP has a right to her feelings and she is obviously allowed to feel upset. But nothing is owed to her necessarily -- that's for her parents to decide.
As I get older, I've come to realize that what is equal and what is fair aren't always the same. It sounds like OP's brother is needier than she is through no fault of his own. And OP's nephew had to grow up with a disabled father and no mother -- he was needier as a kid than OP's children, too.
I have a similar family with one needier sibling who lives with my parents and my parents are raising her kids. Her life is a lot harder than mine. I'm thankful that my parents stepped in so I didn't have to. I don't care if I inherit anything -- I just want everyone to be in a safe, kind, caring home.
Your parents are cold to you for being factual ? They have 3 grandkids so if they want to give to their grandchild they should also give it to the other 2 . Fair is fair.
Do they even know or address the fact that they caused you being in therapy because of them ? Like sure your brother needed more support but they ignored you. in the end it is their money but they should be fair in my country it doesn't even matter what is written in the will you get % of the inheritance.
YTA, your nephew and your kids are not the same in this situation; your parents practically did raise your nephew so to them consider that he is like a son to them is really understandable. 'My brother called it a a giant dick move and called me petty to punish my nephew for the resentment I have towards him.'
Isn't this what actually happened, tho? Why was it so important for you that the nephew is not included in the will? It's your parent's money, not yours, to share after all. Sorry that you were the invisible child, but this was an AH move.
After reading the responses from Reddit users, the OP returned with an update.
I did not expect this to blow up as it did, thank you everyone for the sometimes harsh but honest comments, with this is just want to clarify some things.
My nephew is godfather of my youngest, she is 7, my eldest is 10. He is also the only one in the family around his age. All my cousins are around my age and then there are the small kids.
He and I have a good relationship. He's always been a very hard worker and studied hard to be where he is now and I can't be more proud of him what he's been able to accomplish with the limited resources he has.
My parents absolutely adore my kids as well, and babysit after when me and my husband need help or are busy with work.
My parents are in a care home and want none of us to take care of them. They made sure that no one had to. And even when my nephew was living with them, he did errands for them like running to shops, groceries, making appointments for them when need be.
Just because he moved out of state he cannot do that anymore. We also did it together as many mentioned that my brother wasn't able to do this. It is true that they see my nephew more as a son then a grandson.