Woman withdraws 10K gift when 'freeloading' sister mocks her mental health. + Update
"AITAH for canceling my younger sister’s Christmas gift and pulling her 10k graduation gift because she made fun of my mental health issues?"
throwawayuseable345
I (26F) am renting an apartment from my family. Due to the current housing market my plans to buy a house have been on hold at the moment(8% interest rates are crazy). I just switched jobs after a paid leave and I am now making 260k a year ( it’s actually kind of crazy still reeling from the offer).
There is also a small % of equity in the company that came with the offer. My sister (18F) has always been really rude (we have different personalities she’s more urban (think city girl stereotype bs) and I’m not. But she is family and I am obligated to take care of her.
Since I’m so close I often come down to visit them (when I don’t they become concerned, call me like crazy etc) today my sister and I got into an argument and she felt the need to throw my mental health issues in my face as well as my switching of career path. Saying I’m unemployed (I’m not I was on a paid leave).
She hates when I come downstairs and constantly complains about it. Whenever she doesn’t have her keys she uses my spare to come through my apartment unannounced. It’s almost led to some crazy moments when I have guests over.
She essentially called me a loser (not sure where she got that from because I’m the one she’s always begging money from with her spending habits) so I told her maybe if she stopped running up everyone’s cards on Uber eats and Shein people could afford her Christmas list.
My mother has complained in the past that my younger sister’s spending habits are going to bankrupt them. She (My sister) has two jobs and still can’t out work her spending. I pointed out to her how spoiled she is and how I had to work 3 jobs at the same time, get straight A still managed to get a full ride to college. That led to a all out screaming match and dad broke us up.
She made a PowerPoint on what she wanted for Christmas. I had already bought her gift off the list I had just let her know I wasn’t getting everything off the list. Idk if it is because I’m still struggling with my mental health but it put a bad taste in my mouth so I canceled her Christmas gift order and donated the money I spent on her gift.
I am considering pulling the 10k I set aside for her as her hs graduation gift as well. For context when I went to college I got around $9k in spending money because my family is so large and everyone gives money as a grad gift.
As a gift to my sister, I had put aside 10k for her to use as spending money for her first year. I know it seems petty but it’s actually the first time I’ve ever had someone use my mental health issues in an argument and I don’t see why I have to reward her behavior. AITA?
Less than few hours later, the OP returned to update her post.
"Update"
throwawayuseable345
My mother let me know “it’s not that serious” and she didn’t mean it. She claims she never said anything directly about my mental health. ( she threw a jab at me about my organization knowing that’s one of the main battles I have with my mental health) aside from a few other things.
I told her because I job hop doesn’t mean I can’t keep a job ( my parents and my sister insinuate this often and make jokes about it, my dad even directly saying “you can’t keep a job”). I do job hop but that’s because I’d rather find a new job than begging for a 3% raise and financially Its done well for me.
I’d rather not spend 5 years at a company when I could learn what I need to and move on. Im not in debt, I get a discount on the rent (which I let my family know anytime they need to raise it do so I can afford it) and my expenses (aside from my sister ) are low. I was saving to buy a house big enough to move everyone in but now it’s a hell no. As much as it hurts I have to change course with my plans.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:
unf0rtunateballs
NTA. your sister is rude and crass. you shouldn’t reward that behavior at all. don’t get her anything. just because she’s family doesn’t mean your obligated to take care of her.
throwaway769526
Why would you give someone who treats you like garbage a 10k gift? You’re not obligated to do that. Do yourself a favor and get yourself an apartment that isn’t right next to all of these nuts.
anonny42357
What. In. The. World.
"But she is family and I am obligated to take care of her."
No, you absolutely are not. You are not her mother. You are not her father. They are obligated to take care of her. You are not. Whoever good you that you're responsible for her lied to you.
Your sister sounds like a narcissistic spoiled brat who has spent her entire life being enabled by those around her, and emotionally manipulating people who pushed back. Get her a small Christmas gift, and do not, under any circumstances, give her 10K as a graduation present.
The fact that she threw your mental health in your face is unacceptable. Continuing to indulged her after that isn't doing her, or you any favours. NTA.
Your parents are AHs. Your sister sounds like a clinical narcissist. Not only should you stop indulging her, you should distance yourself from her. She's not good for your mental health, and she and your parents will continue to prey upon your generosity.
LittleJoe3204
An 18 year old with a PowerPoint Christmas list is wild... Good luck with that level of entitlement.
The OP responded here:
throwawayuseable345
I know, it’s actually a problem and I was looking at my budget last month and I spent $200 sending her money for various shit. Idk what to do with her because my family is caribbean and the idea that I’m supposed to take care of her is so deeply ingrained that I won’t get my half of the house if I don’t take care of her. It’s literally in the will.
I sometimes hate her because once she was born I essentially got pushed to the side and all the signs of serious mental health issues in me were completely ignored.
unf0rtunateballs
NTA. your sister is rude and crass. you shouldn’t reward that behavior at all. don’t get her anything. just because she’s family doesn’t mean your obligated to take care of her.
Inner_Doubt_1660
NTA. First, no you are not OBLIGATED to do anything for your sister, she is not your child. You did not go through labor to bring her into this world. So stop that BS. Second, change your locks. There is no reason your adult sister, who criticizes you and belittles you, to be allowed to walk into the house you pay for, whenever she feels like it.
Third, why are you giving her ANY money at all? She is the reason your mother is working three jobs. AND SHE STILL CANT KEEP HER HEAD ABOVE WATER. and you are enabling this behavior.
Giving a barely legal adult 10 grand would be like giving a classroom full of 10 year olds the biggest bag of candy and telling them "only one piece". She is going to throw that away in a few days and then be back in your house with "gimme" hands like a toddler.
There is a reason she acts so bold and spoiled and it's because your parents, and now you, are creating this monster. Stop it. Or you will have yourself to blame when she makes you go bankrupt as well.