'I think my sister and my husband may be too close for comfort?' UPDATED
"I think my sister and my husband may be too close for comfort?"
RevolutionaryNoise3
8 months ago, my sister moved back into town. A small backstory: She has not lived here in 10 years, as she originally left for college and never came back. We grew apart, we talked maybe once a year, and I haven’t seen her physically in 4 years.
I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married 3. She has met him twice in the entire duration of my relationship with him. He’s a quiet and serious man, who only opens up in front of me and a few of his select friends.
She was struggling to get a job here, so I thought I’d be a good person and ask my husband if he could maybe help her find a job at his company since they work in the same type of field.
Fast forward to current times, they actually work in the same department now. He’s been acting more closed off towards me lately, but he claims everything is fine when I ask him what is wrong.
We had our traditional family Christmas meal yesterday, and at first he tried to get out of it. This is not something he’s ever tried to do, and I was very confused by this. After some convincing, he finally agreed to come along.
My sister pulled him aside a few times, and they were in a very deep conversation, as if the rest of us didn’t exist. When I approached them, every time they both would jump a little and when I’d ask what they were talking about they would say “a work project that’s near deadline”.
I was feeling a little off about their behavior, but the one thing that got me the most was at one point he got up to go get himself another drink…she was sitting in a chair that was next to the kitchen door, so he had to pass her to go to the kitchen.
When he was near her, she put her hand up / reached towards him, and he caressed her palm and lightly grabbed her fingers as he walked past her. She looked up at him with a big smile, he looked down at her and nodded his head. As soon as he was out of sight, she turned her head towards me and smirked at me.
I later asked him what that was about, and he said “It’s just a high five”. I said it didn’t look like a high five, and he said that’s all it was. I’ve never had any reason to suspect him of cheating, but this has me feeling on edge.
I’ve been battling with myself to investigate further…another thing is that he doesn’t focus that strongly when he and I talk, it’s always just short answers and light hearted. They were having some intense conversations, where he was hanging on her every word and giving her in depth responses.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
redhead9390
It seems like either they are beginning to cross into an emotional/physical affair or they have already cross that line. I know people don’t agree with going through this partner phones but I would. Something is clearly going on.
RevolutionaryNoise3 OP responded:
I've been contemplating going through his phone, and it's something I've never even thought of doing before.
TwoBionicknees
You suspect? They stroked each others hands in front of you and she smirked. She showed you to your face they were sneaking around.
Get a PI, have them investigated, a PI will find bills, phones you don't know about, phone bills showing constant contact, texts in the middle of the night, them both having charges at some restaurant just out of town or at a motel. Or him constantly buying gas at the station by her house, etc.
PIs can find that easily, confront him when you have absolute proof, blow up the job, tell their manager that he's having an affair with his sister, get her fired. etc. Maybe the PI finds nothing, maybe it's all weird, but in reality no one... NO ONE strokes someone else's hand unless they are in an intimate relationship. No one.
Particular_Disk_9904
If you can get in there without him know I would do it. Take screenshots if you do find anything, and play along so he doesn’t delete anything.
RevolutionaryNoise3 OP responded:
If only he didn't keep it nearly glued to himself, he never leaves his phone unattended.
_A-Q
“As soon as he was out of sight, she turned her head towards me and smirked at me.” Your sister just claimed your husband as her own in that moment Op. And she made sure you know it. I’m sorry OP. You deserve better. I hope the house is yours so you can at least throw her out.
Around a month later, the OP returned with an update:
I apologize for not updating sooner, I’ve been busy getting things sorted out. After my first post on a Tuesday, I had asked my husband if he’d go on a little weekend getaway with me. We went to a cabin up in the mountains, neither of us had cell phone service.
I planned for that, as I wanted to make sure I had his full attention. The first night went fantastic, and I almost forgot everything about my concerns with my sister.
When we woke up the next morning, we cooked breakfast together but he was rather quiet. I asked if he’d go on a little walk with me, which he agreed to. When we reached the lake, there were some large rocks that you could sit on.
We both sat on the same rock, and we sat there in silence for what felt like forever. I finally got the courage to bring up the concerns I had with my sister and him, and his face went white.
He admitted to falling in love with my sister, he said that it all started because of how much they have in common. They spend more time together at work, than he does with me at home. He said he feels like he can talk to her about anything, and it never gets tiring.
He said he’s never felt more alive than he does when he’s with her, and they started having a physical affair in October. The emotional affair began in June (after working with her for a couple of months since the end of April).
He apologized for hurting me, and deceiving/betraying me. I asked him what he wanted to do about it, and he said that as much as he knows it will hurt me to say - he no longer is in love with me.
The most painful thing I’ve ever heard in my life is when he said that the way he feels for her, made him realize that he’s never once felt that way for me even at the time when he loved me the most. He said it’s not comparable by any measure, and he doesn’t feel right staying married to me.
We are splitting in agreement that the marriage is over, but yes I am heart broken. They have both applied to transfer jobs to a different city with the same company, and he offered to let me keep the house. I told him that I didn’t want the house, because it reminds me of him/us.
We have split the finances, and he is giving me more money than he is taking. We are getting ready to list it for sale, and I have been packing and doing odds and ends like painting. He said I could keep the full amount of the house sale.
New carpet/flooring comes tomorrow, and the movers come this afternoon. I found a small house for myself to start fresh, but I know it will take some time for me to not be so heart broken.
My sister on the other hand is not handling it as kindly as he is, and she is gloating. She even “accidentally” sent me a photo of both of them where you can tell she is in heaven because she won him away from me.
She changed her profile photo to a picture of her taking a selfie of herself smiling very smug, as he is kissing her forehead. I unfollowed her on TikTok because now she’s posting videos and photos of them together, some of them are from months ago and it kicked me in the heart.
I asked him if he could please ask her to stop, he said he’d talk to her about it but nothing has changed. I have removed myself from social media for now.
My mother is favoring my sister's side, saying that she’s not posting those things to “hurt me”, and my sister deserves to be happy. My mom said it’s my fault for looking, and I need to stop being so petty.
My father is taking the white flag, and said he’d like to stay out of it. He said it’s not right what my sister did, but she’s still his daughter. He said he won’t accept their relationship, and he is here for me for whatever I need - but he won’t be in the middle of this. I respect his decision on that, I’m sure it’s not an easy place to be in.
Thank you all for the kind words, and all of the advice that was given. I probably didn’t add everything, but my brain is kind of foggy at the moment.
Edit: For those thinking that this unrealistic because it was magically resolved in 18 days, it is far from resolved. They are moving to a different office because he said he feels guilty, and doesn't want to be near me. They have not transferred yet, because they can't for a while due to lack of openings. I worded it wrong, which is my fault.
I wanted to update as much as possible as to try to put closure to this for those asking for an update. Also, I am NC with all of them except my STBX at the moment and will be for a long time, if not forever. I will be NC with him after the divorce.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the latest update from the OP:
DoctorBartleby
My heart breaks for her. Finding out about an affair is bad enough; he didn’t need to kick her while she’s down. The parents and sister are trash and should be taken out.
CordeliaJJ
I will never understand how a sister can do that to a sister also. That is like double whammy betrayal. A spouse and sibling. One of the few people in life that are suppose to have your back. It just horrid. The sister is openly rubbing it in her face too. That is just evil to me.
Practical_Reindeer23
And they'll all wonder why they never see op again. Can't wait for an update when it's known that either sister or soon to be ex husband has cheated again. I wish OP peace.
CordeliaJJ
I don't tend to wish bad on others, but I totally hope the pos husband cheats on the pos sisters. My petty heart would say I hope the OP is pregnant so she can rub that in the sisters face that she has the husband's baby, but I think I may just watch too many daytime soap operas. That would be terrible for OP in reality. I truly wish her peace and hope she finds someone who gives her all the love she deserves!
ScribblerMaven
I don’t anger quickly or easily… but this is so beyond the pale. I’ve been upset about it since her initial post. For so many “loved ones” around OP to have such blatant disregard for her is infuriating. I hope she is able to take some time to heal and surround herself with people who actually care about her.