'AITA for cutting my sister’s stay short after she body-shamed my daughters?'
"AITA for cutting my sister’s stay short after she insulted my daughters?"
My( 42M) sister (44F) was staying with my daughters ( 18F, 16F) and I. She’d taken 2 weeks off from work to give herself a summer vacation and she spent one week on a beach and then asked if she am could spend the next week with us.
I thought it sounded awesome so I agreed. After about 3 days, my sister, after dinner, pulls me aside and asks if we can talk privately.
In my mind I’m thinking she’s going to tell me something serious like she’s broke, she’s unemployed, something like that. We go into the backyard and she says, “ you really need to get a handle on how fat the girls are”.
One thing about my sister is she does not sugar coat, she just calls it exactly how she sees it. I told her she can cool it on calling them fat. She gets irritated and goes off. Tells me they’re lazy, they’re doing nothing all day aside from lying in bed or sitting on the couch.
She said she feared that Dana (18) was going to break her chair. Which I took as hyperbole but my sister goes, “ if you wake up, you’ll notice that Dana’s butt has its own zip code”
She kept going, told me my daughter Ali (16) might be wider than she is tall and my sister pointed out that on more than once occasion she’s seen Ali’s belly pop out of her shirt. She told me that where I messed up after my wife died 14 years ago was I subconsciously overindulged them with food.
She decided to put me on the spot ask me how much they weigh. I told her that when Dana(5’8)was at her doctor’s she in the 240s and this was in May. Ally( 5’5) is in the upper 220s and she saw her doctor in March.
Sister told me again to do something about my “ obese, lazy daughters”. I told her to drop it. Sister goes, “ there’s no way Dana doesn’t come home next summer after freshman year (college) weighing less than 300 pounds”
I told my sister to pack her stuff and find a hotel. She said I was “ blind to the issues” but did leave. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Although she definitely could have approached it much better, ie 'I'm concerned about your daughters' health'... She has a point. 'I told her that when Dana(5’8)was at her doctor’s she in the 240s and this was in May. Ally( 5’5) is in the upper 220s and she saw her doctor in March.'
This is concerning. Barring any conditions that cause weight gain, your daughters are at ages where they should be in probably the best shape of their lives (high school and college years). ESH.
With those numbers so young his daughters are headed for a type 2 diabetes diagnosis in the next few years, along with all of the potential associated complications from that disease- cardiac issues, kidney failure, neuropathy, blindness.
I’ve cared for many patients that were on hemodialysis because of kidney damage from uncontrolled diabetes- you’d be shocked how many of them were in their twenties. One patient I had even went blind in his late twenties (due to diabetic retinopathy). If he loves his daughters he needs to get them back to their doctors to refer them to weight management.
YTA for neglecting your daughter's health.
I have been fat all my life. As a toddler my mum said I looked like a sumo wrestler when I was in nappies. From my teenage years I’ve always been on diets and then broke them, and I end up putting more on than I was before.
I’m 32 now, last year I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and a fatty liver (even though I don’t touch alcohol at all). Because I’m young and have high blood pressure, 1 month ago I had to go for a EKG.
Now I have to go for a CT scan to see if the artery from my heart to my kidney is narrowing. My daughter is autistic, and she doesn’t eat sweet stuff. But I can never seem to fill her. I’m worried about her as she is a big lass.
Had a nurse come and see her, and they gave us some advice. But it’s so hard to out in place because she gets so violent over food. Since Easter I’ve been on strict healthy eating.
My kids have been on it too (they get treat dinners every so often), my daughter is finally starting to lose some weight. And I’ve managed to lose 3st. Being fat is horrible, especially at the expense of your health.
Normally, I’m not a fan of others talking about others being fat but…She took you away from the girls to talk to you. She was straight to the point but it came from a place of love not from her ego. You know buddy?
Sometimes people closest to us get to tell us not what we want to hear but what we need to hear. She told you some home truths. Your daughters are in trouble. She was trying to shock you into action. You took it personal and closed your ears to it.
Her message was harsh for sure but maybe she felt you needed that harshness. ESH.
YTA - medically your children are obese and their pediatrician has likely discussed this with you. Guilt and denial and anger won’t help any of you but therapy might. Your sister didn’t have to be so harsh, but your children are medically considered obese (5’5 and 220lb and 5’8 at 240lb per your post) please consider therapy for all of you.
ESH, but some kudos to your sister for broaching a sensitive subject and taking you aside to do it.
But that is beside the point. I'm a dad. One of the challenges of being a parent is teaching your kids good eating habits and good exercise habits. It's a daily thing, get good food to eat, lots of vegetables and fruits, no highly processed stuff. Get some exercise, go for a walk or a bike ride, go for a run, or just walk up and down stairs for 20 minutes.
Teach your kids good habits. Teach them life long good habits. Sorry about the loss of your wife.