'AITA for forgetting my mom's birthday because my daughter was being born?' UPDATED
"AITA for not wishing my mom a happy birthday and then not letting her come to our house?"
Here's the original post:
I (25M) have a wife (24F) for the sake of the story let's call her Amelia. Amelia and I got married 2 years ago, coming up to 3 years in June. We have recently just had our first baby. A beautiful baby girl. My mom never was a huge fan of my wife for reasons I will never know but I don't care as I love Amelia so much and I've had to defend her against my mom multiple times.
My wife's labor lasted much longer then we expected, she started on Thursday evening and delivered our baby on Monday during the very early hours of the morning. As you can imagine it was a long process and she was exaughsted and so was I as I wasn't sleeping unless she was asleep.
My moms birthday was on the Saturday and she had a whole party planned out. Amelia at this point was in awful pain very consistently meaning I was constantly by her side doing whatever she needed me to do, meaning that the Friday night, we got no sleep so when Saturday came around we both were fighting the sleep and could barely stay awake.
Because of this I just completely forgot it was my moms birthday, as I didn't really look much at my phone and if I did it would be for entertainment for my wife and I together. We both agreed before hand that when the time came we would send the initial text that the baby was coming but that would be it and we wouldn't respond to any other text until after.
Well my baby girl was finally born and we announced it to our family. Then I got to replying to my messages from the past few days and that's when I saw my mom text about it being her birthday and she sent a few more after, expressing her anger for me not getting in contact.
So I called her up apologising but explaining that I genuinely forgot and it wasn't intentional. She went on to blame my wife by saying she purposely went into labor right around her birthday in order to "steal her spotlight from her son" which I found really weird to say.
From this comment alone I got annoyed and just told her to leave me and my wife alone and that she isn't welcome at our house for the next few days, she can't wait till she's over her fit to see her granddaughter.
My whole family have been calling me and a-hole and that I am a bad son for not remembering my moms birthday, but I'm an even worse son for not letting her meet her grandbaby. It's annoying because all we want to do is enjoy our new baby together, just the two of us without anyone being a bother. So AITA?
As you can imagine, most commenters agreed "NTA" and urged him to set boundaries with his mom. Here are some of the top comments:
pineboxwaiting said:
NTA It’s cute that your mom thinks your wife is talented enough to go into labor on command. It’s bizarre that you’re the only person in your family who realizes the world doesn’t revolve around your mom. Keep to your boundaries, Daddy— and congratulations!
bkwormtricia said:
NTA. Your mom should have understood when you told her you were with your wife in labor. Not been bitching and accusing. Tell/message your mom that after how she stupidly insulted your wife (specify, that she accused your wife of choosing yo go into labor to damage Mom’s birthday party!), you will need an apology from her to your wife in person AND on social media. And cc that request to all the family.
bobledrew said:
Wwwwowwww. It’s rather amazing to see that your mother has gotten so much buyin for her narcissistic behaviour. You are doing right by YOUR family; set stone walls up around behaviour and words and guard them zealously. NTA.
Independent-Length54 said:
NTA. You didn't intentionally forget your mom's birthday... you were supporting your wife giving BIRTH. A difficult one at that. That she could make your wife's difficult, scary labor about HER and have the audacity to say your wife planned that to steal your spotlight screams narcissist.
It's also completely NORMAL to wait a few days for family to meet a new baby, ffs. Everyone but you and your wife are AHs here. Congrats on the new addition to your family.
Material-Profit5923 said:
NTA. Your mother sounds irrationally jealous and unstable, and your wife does not need to deal with that right now.
Verdict: NTA. And it would seem that he considered everyone's feedback, because he later shared this update:
Hi, firstly I wanted to say thank you to everyone for your advice and it really made me realise how serious this situation is. I took the advice and decided to post an Instagram and Facebook post before my mom got a chance too.
In the post I mentioned what my wife went through and purposely left in that she would never want to forcefully go through that, just to make it clear to my mom and family what the truth is.
We announced that whilst we soak up our newborn, that uninvited guest won't be allowed in to our home so please respect out privacy as we take time as a new family. This worked and I got a lot of friends and even some family commenting their congrats to us.
My mom has since asked when she can see her granddaughter and we have just said that she will see her when she fixes her attitude toward my wife as my baby won't grow up to see her mother treated like she is nothing, also the fact that my wife never deserved to be hated in the first place.
We are going NC for now and are as happy as we could ever be with our new baby girl. About my family, we have sent them a message with the full story, and now they feel really awful about everything.
Originally, my mom told them that my wife got induced and that she took some medicine to slow down the labor (I dont even think that medication exists) because apparently thats what i said on the phone (Which is obviously not the truth) and my mom started claiming i did that to compete with her.
My sisters are only young and didnt question my mom but now have been nothing but supportive, that being said though, i still have my gaurd up for now, just in case. Thank you then again for your advice and all your kind words to me and my wife. We really appreciate it ❤️