Man's pregnant wife suspects him of cheating, causing him to discover huge family secret. UPDATED 3X

A man's life ended up being completely upended after he went online to seek help with a marital problem. It all began when he posted this:

"My wife is convinced that I will cheat on her because she’s pregnant."

Long story short my father cheated on my mother with my stepmother. My wife, in our seven year relationship (four dating, three married), has never met my father, stepmother, half siblings, step uncles, or my step grandfather.

My mother convinced my wife she didn’t want any of them at the wedding or have any holidays with them the entirety of our relationship. My wife was cheated on in the past but moved passed that (or so I thought).

Well my wife and I recently found out we’re having our first child but my wife is not excited or happy at all because my mother told her that my father cheated on my mother once she got pregnant. Yes, accurate, but it was before either of my parents knew my mother was pregnant with me.

My wife is convinced that I’ll cheat on her because she’s pregnant. Very unlikely as she’s the most amazing woman I’ve met and no one can hold a candle to her on looks.

My mother just says I’m my father’s son which really pissing me off. But because my wife hasn’t met my father she says that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. She does trust me, she says she trusts me, but she cries every time my phone goes off.

My stepmother, who I call Mama, says to not vilify my mother and be a supportive husband to my wife as I can be. She even bought me some stuff to pamper my wife with because “she deserves to be loved and pampered like the beautiful woman she is” and how pregnancy is tough on women’s bodies (I trusted the woman who was pregnant three times, once with twins).

So, besides the obvious, how can I get my wife to calm down and enjoy her pregnancy? Or convince her that I will not cheat on her? I love my wife, she makes me whole, there will never be anyone but her.

This is what top commenters had to say:

YourRAResource said:

Couple's therapy immediately. I can certainly understand why she has this insecurity now, and your mom is really being awful in this situation. But you can and should reassure her as much as you can, and understand that her hormones are going to be running wild.

But try to get someone in the middle where you can all discuss all of this, and she should consider doing it on her own as well. What your father did isn't a prediction of what you'll do. But talking through it all is the only thing that's going to help. Good luck.

1Tallboi said:

You need to put your foot down with your mother and get into couples counseling with your wife. Your mother sounds like the type who isn’t happy unless everyone around her is miserable

Jujuevelyn said:

Your wife should probably consider therapy by herself. You two should probably consider therapy as a couple. Leave other individuals out of this relationship/issue.

maggienetism said:

I think you need to have a serious conversation with your mother. Why do YOU have a relationship with a woman who believes you're going to cheat on your pregnant wife and who tells said wife so? She clearly has a bad opinion of you.

And [deleted] said:

You have a mother problem here. Where are your boundaries with her?

Edit from OP:

To add my father and stepmother owned up to what they did to me years ago. They always apologize to my mother whenever they see her because she constantly brings to up. I’m almost 30 but my mother will not stop making jabs at my father about my stepmother. I’ll see what I can do about that.

Second edit:

okay, message taken. Separate my wife and mother, currently looking for therapists, and going to break out a couple face masks so my wife will be in a good mood when I talk to her. Maybe give her a massage. But I need to talk to her and cut contact with my mom.

A month later, he shared this first update—and it's a doozie:

Okay, thank you to everyone who responded to my post, me and my wife are grateful and hopefully my head is firmly out of my butt. Firstly, my wife has joined an online book club with a lovely group of women who I have met. She’s made friends, she’s enjoying their book, the majority of them are moms so they have plenty to talk about.

With permission from my boss I changed my work hours so we could spend more time together and we’ve been talking a lot. She is much happier and she’s been talking to a therapist and me about her insecurities. It’s a work in progress but that is life (and our baby is developing very well due to reduced maternal stress).

Secondly, I now call my stepmother by her first name. I don’t call her Mama anymore. She wasn’t upset at all. My wife has met my grandfather (SM’s dad) and my uncles (SM’s brothers) they got along real well. Especially since I got a pie to the face and they all laughed at me. Fair.

I’m under the impression it was my grandfather’s idea but as long as she is happy. Her laughter is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.

My mother was told therapy or no contact. I was told she “wasn’t going because there wasn’t a goddamn thing wrong with her.” Her husband and daughters (my awesome sisters) are going to keep trying.

My mother and wife have been out of contact since, my wife is a little upset but because of this she’s made new friends that when the world is better she can meet in person and the can dish on their husbands out of ear shot (kidding).

Then someone in my DMs got into my head about the paternity about my half siblings, if they really are my father’s or not. So....I talked to my family about genealogy and learning about where our family came from.

One of my uncles suggested we just make our own episode of Maury, stepmother said it would be pretty boring but whatever if that’s what we want to spend our money and time on. Yes, my family is...a little weird.

So all us kids took tests, my sisters didn’t want me to be left out. I mean, I had the test as a baby, no true surprises. 4 out of 5 kids matched. The one that didn’t?

Me.

The one kid my dad was sure about. Several tests later, they all agree. My dad isn’t my biological father. Dad’s upset, I’m upset. I haven’t told my wife because I don’t know how to really say it without sounding like a crazy person. And I still have emotions about the results myself. Me and my twin half siblings could be triplets. I don’t understand.

I’m a little lost here. I’m overwhelmed. If anyone has anything for me I’d greatly appreciate it. I’d love to ask my mother about this fun revelation but she’s not getting anything from me until she goes to therapy. My stepfather and sisters wouldn’t know anything about it. So...if anyone has advice, I’m open to hearing it.

A month after his first update, he shared this second update:

I wasn’t expecting to make a trilogy out of this, I was just expecting some advice to help me with my wife. But thank you to everyone who has been helpful. I shall continue my epic.

Before I begin my dad and I went through with a paternity test through a doctor, no change. And, well, I did a genealogy kit and made the results public so I could try to find my father that way and sadly nothing yet on that front.

My wife has met my whole family, it’s amazing and she’s talking about us renewing our vows so they could be there that time. Baby and virus permitting. I do like the idea. And my wife apologized to me about the hurtful things she said and the way she behaved. And even offered to have them paternity test our baby with a promise for the most boring paternity result ever. I.e. the baby being mine.

I trust my wife, we’re a team, and I love her. There will never be another person for me. I will take her up on her offer but it’s not because I think it will expose something (and I’ve told her just that).

My stepfather reportedly gave my mother my paternity results. He told me she screamed “THAT B TCH!” I believe that is a reference to my stepmother. She claims my stepmother tampered with the results (of all the tests us kids took) to make my mother look bad because, and I quote, “that skank couldn’t close her legs for a cold breeze, she’ll f ck everything that moves!”

Things were thrown, and a lot of other things were screamed about my dad and stepmother. She is indefinitely no contact with me or my wife. Her daughter, my half sister, has been removed and is living with my stepfather’s parents until her paternity results come back. My other sister is my stepsister, she’s safe.

Oh and Mama (my loving stepmother) has busted the evil stepmother myth for my darling wife. Their relationship is relatively new but those two, plus my two sisters (Dad’s girls), and my other two sisters have teased starting their own book club while they wait for baby to arrive. Or the world to right itself, whichever comes first.

So...I think I’m okay. It’s not perfect, not a fairytale but maybe an update when my sister’s results come in or if I get a hit on my genes or I can leave you all in suspense. I can stop using this account and bothering the poor people on this subreddit. But when my boy is born, it will be hard not to tell you all about it.

I don’t know how to link my past posts as I’m on mobile so I do apologize. But if anyone has any true further advice to offer me, I will be thankful for anything.

Two months after his second update, he shared this third and final update:

Okay so I wanted to start my update with the happy news but I thought I should start with the title because I am, well, furious. My wife was with my dad’s family because my mother tried breaking into our house. So my mother found out my wife was staying there and basically tried to do the same.

When she broke into my house I did call the police but they let her go with a warning. Even after I tried to press charges. “She’s your mom, you don’t want to do that to her.”

Mother busted in a living room window to be confronted by Stepmother. Mother busted Stepmother over the head with my grandmothers urn. Dad called the cops but not before my grandpa punched my mother. Mother and Grandpa were arrested and taken to the station before I got there, Dad and one of my brothers went with stepmother while my sisters were consoling my wife until I got there.

I immediately took my wife to her mother’s house and stayed there while my uncles freed Grandpa (who was having a grand old time since it reminded him of his military days, and he loved his military days). My stepmother is recovering but given she’s not that young anymore it may take her some time to fully recover. Dad and I are pressing charges on my mother. Every charge we can get because I’m done.

Anyway. I found my biological father’s family. A wife and two sons. I have two half brothers who were very surprised I existed. My father passed suddenly 3 years ago so all that I have is his wife and sons. And I apparently look just like him. I’ll never truly know his side of the story but I know that he married his wife when I was 4 years old and his wife has no idea who my mother is.

They’re very nice people who can’t wait for all of us to meet in person. My little sister’s paternity results haven’t come back yet, that I know of, she’s very busy these days. My wife has assured me that her and the baby are okay. I am just unbelievably angry at my mother right now. So if anyone has anything they can give me, I’d appreciate it.