'Am I wrong for expecting people to pay my 9yo for her baking?' UPDATED
"Am I wrong for expecting people to pay my kid?"
My child (9) has recently gotten in to baking. She's really passionate about it and it has sparked most of our family members to stimulate said passion by requesting her to bake small items they happen to be craving right as they're coming over/have invited us over.
They're always very small things like 'ooh i'd sure love some brownies' or similar and since people asking/complimenting her genuinely makes her heart smile I only support it and don't mind paying for the ingredients.
Now, one of my family members is hosting a gathering and asked my daughter to bake 75(!) cupcakes. They said they would take her shopping for ingredients.
She asked me if she could and I said sure (I supervise oven-related steps and have to be present). Afterwards I contacted said family member to get some specifics as to allergies and other nonsense and brought up the fact that she was so excited to have her very first, paying customer.
Said family member was apparently appalled at the expectation of paying my child for hours of labor and stated that since she is a minor and doesn't have a genuine business yet she shouldn't expect payment because 'taxes'
I replied that if she feels that strong she should order from a 'genuine business' because there is no way in any universe I am going to let someone exploit my child like that. She accused me of 'promoting child labor' and when I retorted that she appeared to be fine with said child labor until she had to pay for it she hung up on me.
Now, some additional info; I didn't expect a full hourly wage, just something extra to thank her for her hard work. She has been putting every cent she gets in allowance or earns towards more baking supplies, I expect she would have done the same with this money but that's entirely up to her.
If said family member decides not to pay I am still going to let her make the big order, pay her in full and take the food down to a local foodbank so she still gets the money and the experience.
As fellow-parents, how would you have approached this situation? I feel like I potentially robbed my kid of an experience she would have enjoyed out of personal principle.
EDIT: Some more info as it appears to be mentioned a lot.
This is not a close family member. She is the kind of relative you only see at funerals or weddings.
All the money my children earn goes to them 100%.
Yes, I do pay them for the chores they do.
No, I am not trying to turn my daughters hobby in a business, I am only supporting and teaching her wherever she takes is. I do not feel any kind of strong emotion towards said relative. I don't dislike her at all. We aren't American.
Here were the top comments on the original post (update below).
Asking if the child would like to bring a dessert to share at the gathering is fine. Asking the child to make 75 freaking cupcakes without any kind of reimbursement is just ridiculous. She’s taking advantage and got called out for it.
When I got married, my niece reached out and asked if I would like a wedding video. She was an aspiring videographer - and we didn’t discuss price as she “offered”. Imagine my surprise when she sent me a contract laying out expectations and saying the cost was $250.
So you know what I did? I signed the contract and I paid her $250. I didn’t really know what to expect of the video, but I wanted to support my niece as she navigated running her business. She was 17… so quite diff than 9.. but the concept stands.
That wedding video is one of the best videos I’ve EVER seen. It’s so well done. It makes me cry every time I watch it. She did an amazing job, so I gave her an additional $200 as a “tip.” I would have had to pay a ton more for a video of this quality had I gone with a professional.
She’s now 20 and was hired by a professional sports team as a videographer. She was able to use my wedding video as an example of her work. She is incredibly successful (makes nearly as much as I do at 20 and I’m 37) and I’m so glad that I chose to support her instead of push back over something so stupid.
Your daughter is doing something that people would charge quite a lot of money for, thank you for advocating for her.
She’s 9. Crossing the parent and going straight to the child for such a request is unbelievable. They knew exactly what they were doing. Shame on them.
Your response about child labor is the kind of comeback I could only come up with in a hypothetical shower argument. I envy your quickness.
This is common behavior is any creative endeavor. Family and friends think they're entitled to a discount or even free services/goods. Except they aren't.
I think this is an important lesson to teach your daughter tbh. Especially if shes planning on pursuing thus further into a true business. Shes going to have to learn how to say no to these types of people and how to manage the situations. This is a great opportunity for you to practice what to say and all that.
Here's what happened next.
First of all, thank you for all the advice. Some things were really helpful and I have put a lot of it in use. To those accusing me of trying to profit off of my child, monetizing something that should be fun or being a shitty parent in general; go headbutt a moose.
I have sat my daughter down and explained to her that the relative did not intend on paying her, that she was welcome to do the work for free if she so desired but that she also was allowed to decline her request.
We proceeded to have an entire discussion about the differences about doing someone a favor (like a pan of brownies) and 'labor' (like catering an event.) I emphasized it was her decision and she would have my help & support whichever way she went.
She ended up asking that if it were possible for her to attend the event in stead of receiving payment so she could see the people eat her cupcakes (and brag about making them), which the relative declined because it was a childfree event and she could not make exceptions.
We both found this fair enough and she requested a set of baking pans in sizes she doesn't have yet as payment, which the relative also declined because 'why should she give her gifts while it was the relatives time to be celebrated.' She went on to say that my child was ruining the party by refusing to do dessert because 'she counted on it'.
My daughter was starting to feel guilty and I stepped in, gave her a list of local bakeries and at home bakers she could contact and wished her a fantastic day. Reassured my kid and we went on to go shopping for the baking tins ourselves.
About 2 hours later the relative, undoubtedly having contacted bakers/bakeries called and offered my daughter a giftcard for a local shop that sells all kinds of cooking and baking supplies, she happily accepted and we thought that was that.
The relative really stepped up her game in making up for the nonsense as she arranged for my kid (and myself to supervise) to be allowed in the venues kitchen and make the cupcakes there, as the venue owners (who also cater the venue) feel like young passion should be encouraged.
I have ordered her her very first tiny apron and she is beyond excited to experience a commercial kitchen, and watching her heart smile makes my mom-heart happy.
And the people are loving it.
This is an excellent result! Glad the relative got their head out of their a** and hopefully learned something new about the value in helping children grow and nurture new talents.
I LOVE this outcome!! You, your daughter, and the relative have all learned some life lessons and rose to the occasion! Good job!
Kudos to you for keeping your temper through all this. I certainly wouldn't have managed.
Your family member is a Karen of the highest degree. Glad you and your daughter told her to pound sand until she decided to stop being so entitled to event catering assistance from a 9-year-old.