'Emotionally distant' man criticizes his son's parenting, so son imitates him. AITA?

Everybody parents differently. And children don't always grow up to turn into their parents...

When a father felt he was being attacked by his father, he decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. After a dispute, he came to Reddit to ask:

'AITA (Am I the a-hole) for embarrassing my father by offering to stop telling my children that I love them?'

Appropriate_Flan_164 writes:

I call my kids Boy (15) and Girl (16). I love the Simpsons, and I always thought it was funny that Homer referred to Bart as Boy and Bart called him Homer. With my father everything was yes sir no sir.

I also constantly tell my kids that I love them and am proud of them. For some reason the name thing puts a wild hair up my dad's ass.

Folksy!

He was over last weekend and he was vociferous about how I'm hurting his grandchildren by not calling them by their names. I told him that my kids were happy and to leave it alone.

He just wouldn't drop it. So I called my kids over to where we were talking and I asked them if they wanted to be called by their names instead of Boy and Girl.

I said in return, they would have to call me Sir, not daddy or dad. I said I would accept Father in emotional conversations. But that I would no longer remind them every day that I loved them and was proud of them.

That's... quite the add-on.

They both said they were happy with the status quo. They know what my relationship with my father is like.

My father got all pissed off and said that's not what he wanted at all. So I asked him how often he told my sisters and I he loved us or was proud of our accomplishments or just as people.

He said it was a different time. That his father was worse than him.

This is getting real.

So I asked him if he thought my kids were happier than myself and my sisters were growing up. I pointed out that my kids are happy. They are reasonably well adjusted.

Now he is being pissy and my mom says he is upset that I think he was a bad father. He wasn't. He was just emotionally distant. I hated it.

My sisters both had some therapy to help them choose better men. They both 'fell in love' with any guy who gave them attention.

My daughter knows her worth and won't settle for anything but the best. My son has no problem hugging me and telling me or his mom about his life.

They are teens, I know I don't know everything going on with them. But I'm doing my best to be there and give them the support I never had. My kids know they are loved. I don't just say it. I try my best to show it.

My dad thinks I'm being an a-hole for pointing out where he didn't do great as a father when he tried to criticize my parenting. AITA (Am I the a-hole) for embarrassing my father by offering to stop telling my children that I love them?

Here's what Reddit had to say...

BigBayesian writes:

You’re totally NTA (not the a-hole) for that interaction with your father. Where you might be in dicey territory is the parenting choice of using your children as props, and threatening, even in jest, to withhold affection.

It sounds like you have a healthy parental bond, and your kids are old enough and know you weren’t serious. But if they had any ambiguity about that, then you’d be an AH for causing it just to illustrate a point to your father.

atmasabr disagrees:

YTA (You're the a-hole). I think you intentionally and needlessly trolled your father, and you dragged your children into it in a way that was emotionally manipulative. And I agree with your father about calling your children Boy and Girl.

SirSkelton says:

I would say ESH (everyone sucks here) because of how he framed the question to his children. He didn’t say “Hey, are you ok with me calling you Boy/Girl or do you prefer your actual name?” He said “I’ll call you by your name but in return I won’t tell you I love you as much” which is really weird.

Maybe the kids do want to be called their actual names but OP keeps pulling s#!t like this. Even if he knows 100% they prefer being called Boy/Girl OP giving his kids an ultimatum where one side is “I won’t tell you I love you” is pretty f&#ked.

miligato goes in:

YTA for both making your parenting choices about your own amusement (the name thing) and a means to stick it to your father, instead of having your parenting choices be fundamentally about the well-being of your children. Children are not play things or a way to make a point to other people.

terpischore761 comments:

ESH. Feels kinda icky you used your kids to make a point to dad. Sounds like dad is jealous of your relationship with your kids and has no way of actually articulating it so he devolves to insulting you.

From Whyevenlive88:

YTA. It's totally reasonable to question why you don't call your children by their names, it's rather odd. And then you pretty much asked your children a leading question to humiliate your dad. It sounds like he's aware of his failings, but that doesn't mean he can't point out yours.

What do you think?

Did OP go too far into a-hole territory, or is he on equal footing with his dad?