'AITA for spoiling my friend's child and turning him against her?'
Most people would be considered saints for taking in a friend's child during a crisis. One woman got a different response from her friend when she took in his son for several months.
u/TAfriendskidproblems was told that she ruined her friend's relationship with her son. She asked Reddit:
AITA (am I the a-hole) for spoiling my friend's child and turning him against her?
I (31F) am a single woman who lives alone & doesn’t intend on having children of my own. I’m not wealthy but I make enough to very comfortably support myself. I work from home & have a flexible schedule so I have a lot of time to live how I want.
I have a complicated friendship with Emma (27F) because I love her but she frustrates me. Emma is a single mom with 2 children, Caleb (7M) & Grace (4F). Grace has had serious lung problems since birth & contracted RSV in Oct & has been hospitalized since. It’s been a horrible time & she is finally more stable now but not well.
Early into grace’s hospitalization, Emma asked me to take Caleb. Emma lives with her parents who were not willing to watch him full time so I happily took him in & temporarily converted my den into a room for him. He’s a sweet kid who’s been though a lot & I’m happy to give him some quiet space.
I’ve never taken care of a child long term before & my life was not set up for kids but he has adjusted well. I love cooking and collecting special ingredients to use and try in new recipes & Caleb just rolled with it. I grow micro greens at home and he’s loved watching the process & incorporating them into his food. He hasn’t liked everything but he’s always willing to try.
I like pour painting & we’ve been having craft nights where he gets to experiment with his own canvases which he’s enjoyed. We also take trips to museums & shows. I’ve kept up my regular life & luckily, he was thrilled to come along. I would’ve struggled to come up with a more kid specific lifestyle.
Emma usually only calls weekly & sees him maybe once or twice a month which bothers me but the Grace situation must be draining so I try not to hold against her but it does mean that Emma really has no idea what we do day to day.
Yesterday was Christmas & he was going home to visit his mom. I sent him with his gifts (shoes & books) plus gifts for his mom & sister. His grandma dropped him off last night & didn’t really say much to me which was weird. Caleb looked sad & didn’t want to talk about it so I let it be & we watched a movie before bed.
Late that night, I got a call from Emma scream crying at me for ruining her relationship with her son. I guess it didn’t go super well & she feels that Caleb is now spoiled because of me and that what she can provide is no longer good enough for him.
He wants to make kimchi with her. He wants to get a cat. He didn’t want the mac & cheese his mom made for him. When Emma gave him a new coloring book, he told her about the paintings instead and asked her to get the supplies so they could do it together when he went back home. He asked why she never takes him to museums.
I was so thrown off by the screaming that I yelled back & told her I wasn’t going to downgrade my life to suit her expectations & she hung up on me. I feel guilty now. I really hadn’t considered how I could be affecting Caleb’s tastes long term but I think she should’ve thought about that herself. She knows how I live.
Seems like a complicated situation. Reddit users came to support her.
But they brought up several things for OP to consider...
ComparisonSuper949 writes:
NTA (not the a-hole) This actually made me laugh…she’s so furious about the way your raising her child, yet she dumped him straight back to you at the end of the day?! That’s a whole new level of entitlement 🙄 she should be more grateful that you have been caring for her child for so long with what I am interpreting as zero financial compensation.
jhxcb says:
NTA. I think your friend is just going through I hard time. I'd never be able to keep my emotions in check throughout that. Some of those things might have been hurtful, but she didn't really mean it.
It must also be hard to see that there's a possibility her son is better off with someone else. Even if it's just a fleeting thought, that would be devastating to compare the two lives her son has when you look at it on surface level.
elmariiee says:
NTA. This is about her not knowing her son anymore. You're not spoiling him by cooking, doing crafts, and visiting museums. They are things he's interested in and he's wondering why his mom doesn't spend time with him or want to learn about his new interests. Having a kid in the hospital is horribly difficult, so I sympathize with her there, but she needs to make an effort to be there for her son too.
Some Reddit users sympathized with mom but everyone agreed that OP is definitely NTA (not the a-hole).
Having a child in the hospital is incredibly tragic so emotions are undoubtedly running high. Some Reddit users made sure to mention that while others took issue with mom's absence.