'AITA for telling my former MIL that I'm not obligated to provide her grandchild a home?'
"AITA for telling my former MIL that I am not obligated to provide her grandchild with a home?"
u/SavingsAlgae7990
I (32f) have a son (8m) with my ex-husband. He and I were married for 3 years and had our son a year into the marriage. He cheated on me multiple times and I only found this out the day of our 3rd wedding anniversary, an hour before an anniversary party he was throwing for me.
He invited his at the time mistress (there were multiple women) and she was supposedly a friend. I still remember how much it broke me to have it all happen as it did. I felt humiliated. My marriage ended that day and he moved in with the mistress.
We ended up sharing custody of our son and the divorce was easy enough. He ended up marrying the mistress and their relationship was a mess. They had a child together who is now 3. The child they had together is currently with my ex's parents.
This came about because my ex and the mistress cheated on each other and both had zero interest in their little girl. They broke up for a period of time and the mom dumped their daughter on my ex and he told his parents he didn't want her either.
CPS got involved and neither my ex or his wife wanted their child back, none of the maternal family wanted her, none of the rest of my ex's family wanted her. The grandparents don't truly want her either. But didn't want to look like they allowed her to go into foster care.
I know this because about a month ago my former MIL started to reach out asking me to raise her granddaughter with my son. She said ex and his wife got back together and still don't want their child.
She told me all the sordid things and admitted they did not want to raise another child. She said she knows I'm a good mom and that I am technically kind of a stepmom. I shut that down fast and said I am no stepparent.
I told her I wasn't interested during that conversation but she did not let it drop. She has repeatedly contacted me in the past month about giving her granddaughter a home with my son and I and how the kids should be raised together.
To make the whole thing even more complicated, my ex still has custody time with our son and takes his custody time.
The last time my former MIL tried to talk me into it I told her I am not obligated to provide her granddaughter with a home. She said she might not be my child by blood but she is my son's sibling.
I told her I know all about complicated dynamics with half siblings and it never bothered me not to be raised with mine or to even know mine. I told her I was in similar shoes to my son and I think he will be just fine. That since she's with them, we can facilitate contact but I do not want to give her a home.
Former MIL said I would regret my choice and she said I am being cruel. She said she and her husband should not have to start over raising a child and I already have one. She called me cold and all sorts of other stuff. So I ended the call and blocked her number. AITA?
Here were the top comments and responses on the post.
MurphysLaw4200
Sorry, as a father of 4 kids (2 w/ ex, 2 w/current wife), I can't even read that. I hope somehow things work out for that poor little girl. This is just disgusting.
Serene_FireFly
NTA. If she should be nagging anyone because she is raising a child all over again, it's that child's parents. You are in no way obligated to do this. I can see MIL's point, regarding raising the (half) siblings together, but many people (as you know personally) do just fine with barely or never knowing half siblings. Do what's best for you and your son.
Bonaduce80
NTA. If anyone is being cruel, she doesn't need to look out of her family. It's her son (your ex) who has an actual responsibility for the poor child. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Paevatar
NTA. This is absolutely not your problem. If the harassment continues, get a lawyer to write her a stiff letter telling her to leave you alone.
ExMIL should be pestering her own son to raise his daughter, instead of trying to pass the buck to you. ExMIL is a huge AH to have raised such a sleazy and selfish son.
DinaFelice
Oh, that poor child! NTA, and what nerve that woman has! She resents having to care for her grandchild (someone she should love and want in her life), but thinks it's reasonable to try to pressure you to take her (even though you have a legitimate reason to resent the child).
You might tell her grandmother that the best thing for her is for everyone to give up their legal rights to her so she becomes available for adoption (rather than stuck in foster care because CPS continues to try for some kind of birth family reunification).
She is young enough that she has a decent shot of being adopted by a family that will actually love her...the longer she is in this limbo with people who resent her, the more psychological damage she will have (from being consistently unwanted), the older (and therefore, less adoptable) she will get, and the harder time she'll have bonding to a new family.
International-Fee255
NTA So her own son won't take care of his child and ahe obviously thinks you are a soft touch and will take in the child. This is a completely effed up situation but it's nothing to do with you. You were right to block her. Any facilitating of seeing your son should be done through his father anyway.