'AITA for pouring my drink on the table when my dad gave a toast for my stepmother?'

"AITA for pouring my drink on the table when my dad gave a toast for my stepmother?"

My real mom died from cancer when I was 10. My dad married Julia when I was 13. Julia and I actually had a good relationship when they were dating, but the marriage destroyed any chance of us ever reconciling in any way. I'm 17 now.

What happened was that my dad gave my mom's ring to Julia. This is the ring my mom gave to me (literally took it off her finger and put it in my hand) in her final days. We had a huge fight when he did it but they told me it is to bring us all closer together. It didn't.

When my mom and dad married, it was my dad who took my mom's last name so I have that as well. After their proposal I requested that my dad can either take Julia's last name or they can go to my dad's maiden name, but I didn't want her to take my mom's last name. But they didn't listen.

A year later when they had a baby together. They named her after my mom in the honor of her memory. Again I did not want that, but they didn't listen. My dad insisted that this would mean they are respecting her and her memory. So the baby has my mom's first and last name, despite having no connection to her in any way.

Julia has also started to wear my mom's belongings, like her dresses, shoes, watches and jewelry.

Julia is not a bad or evil person. And I liked her before these issues, but after all of this there is no way for her and me to reconcile (same goes for my dad, too). We live in the same house, but I don't talk to her. Every once in a while she tries to mend things between us but she's not willing to do what she needs to.

Last night we went out for dinner for Julia's birthday alongside relatives from her side of the family. I didn't want to go but my dad gave me no choice. At the table I did not order food, only a glass of water.

During dinner Julia was sitting right there wearing my mom's ring and earrings as my dad tried to raise a glass and give her a toast, referring to her as his wife and the mother of his 'children' (it's just two children).

I raised my glass and then poured the drink on the table as people looked at me I said 'she's not my mother,' she said 'please don't start something' and I said 'you can steal her ring, her jewelry, her clothes, her name, it doesn't make you her' and asked my dad if I can be excused and left.

When they came back home my dad talked to me and told me he misspoke when he said children and I didn't need to make a scene. I told him that I didn't want to go and he made me so that's on him. Later him and Julia asked me what it would take for me to stop this 'war' and for us to start over?

I said it's simple: 1) Julia gives back my mom's ring, 2) she will not use any of my mom's belongings, and 3) They change their last name to something other than my mom's. Ideally they should also change the baby's first name but I know that's not realistic (and it's not her fault) so I'm willing to compromise on that.

Julia said no. I said 'then leave me the F alone'. My dad said I'm being an a**$ole by creating an impossible situation.

Here's what people are saying:

Infamous_Ad_7864 writes:

Hey uh INFO?? how much does Julia look like your mom..?

MetalAndWood2 OP responded:

Same body type but a very different face.

Whattheduck93105 writes:

I’m surprised Julia didn’t dye her hair the same color as your mom’s. This is just creepy. Majorly NTA but minor AH for pouring the water on the table-don’t give them the satisfaction of stooping to their level.

MetalAndWood2 OP responded:

Oh she does. She looks at pictures of my mom at certain events (weddings, etc), takes the pictures to her hairdresser and ask them to replicate it.

Lovehatepassionpain writes:

I feel bad for you and Julia. Your dad really needs to wake up to what happening. He is trying to replace your mom with this other woman - and turn her into a different person. You are NTA and I am sorry you have to deal with this.

MetalAndWood2 OP responded:

I don't feel bad for Julia. She signed up for this and chooses to continue to participate.

GameOverMan78 writes:

YTA. You need to grow up.

MetalAndWood2 OP responded:

I feel like I'm the only adult here to be honest. They need to grow up.

yonk182 writes:

OP can any of your mom’s family help you with this?

MetalAndWood2 OP responded:

Uncle (mom's brother) is a lawyer. Will talk to him about it.

Specific_Progress_38 writes:

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If you haven’t already, tell your Uncle about your father’s and stepmother’s creepy behavior.

MetalAndWood2 OP responded:

Oh he knows and is not happy about it at all.

MetalAndWood2 OP says:

We've been to family therapy a few times. Julia refuses to continue because she says therapists take my side (even though they don't).

TrayMc666 writes:

You didn’t create this impossible situation. Your father and Julia did. They stole the ring your mother gave to you. That alone is just awful behaviour. Julia wearing your mothers jewellery and clothes is also just creepy. I don’t think you overreacted at all. NTA