Raising a child is no easy feat, especially when they are struggling with physical or mental health. And what happens when two parents have very different approaches when it comes to addressing it?

When a teenage girl rapidly started to put on weight, it naturally concerned her parents, who decided to leave it alone... until a tipping point was reached. A huge fight ensued, so the dad (u/ReadyPercentage9350) took to Reddit to ask:

AITA (Am I the as*hole) for not supporting my wife's decision?

My wife is a doctor and a pretty straight arrow. There's not a lot of beating around bushes or dancing around issues with her. We have 1 daughter who's 17 and she's just started her senior year of high school.

She's always a bit above normal or above average, however you wish to phrase it, weight wise, but, over the course of last school year and this past summer, things have really escalated. My wife noticed, I noticed, we discussed it amongst ourselves and always left it at, she's a smart girl, let's let her deal with it, she'll make the right call.

One morning last week, my wife noticed our daughter struggling to get into her school uniform pants, proceeded to come find me and said that this was kind of it for her and that she was going to do something. She asks my daughter to weigh herself, turns out she's about 75 pounds overweight.

My wife proceeds to lay out the health risks of being this overweight to our daughter, things like high cholesterol, blood pressure, diabetes, etc. She goes on with saying that my daughter is going to need to diet and do some exercise( she proposed walks together as a family).

This became a shouting match between them. My wife proceeded to say, ' Your father and I...' before I interjected with, ' Your mother...' My wife finishes by reiterating concerns.

When it was just she and I alone as our daughter was heading out the door, my wife asked me why I'd dropped the ball in presenting a united front to our daughter.

My point was that, she never really collaborated with me to begin with, she just went upstairs and asked our daughter to weigh herself. We should've decided if that was the most nuanced thing to do. AITA (Am I the as*hole)?

What do you think? Was OP being neglectful and should support his wife on this? Or did mom seriously cross the line and OP should stand firm?

Reddit was pretty torn on this one! But most everyone felt that even if OP wasn't THE as*hole, he was AN as*hole for various reasons....

mm172 rules:

YTA (You're the as*hole). Would it really have been so difficult to say, 'Hey, honey, come here a second' and actually talk to her about your concerns with her approach? As it is, you picked the worst of both worlds: you didn't back her up, but you didn't actually do anything to defend your daughter, either.

and so does Expert-Scientist646, but for different reasons:

YTA (You're the as*hole). I could chalk this up to your wife freaking out over nothing if it were 5-10 pounds over, but, if she's 75 pounds over what she should be, then yes, it's time to say something.

but caryn1477 comments:

Disagree. I just don't think was handled well at all, by anybody. Attacking their daughter and making her get on a scale and feel like crap is not the way.

Bad_Prophet also responded:

They waited over a year for her to gain all that weight, but the moment OP's wife has an emotional reaction to seeing her daughter not fit into her clothes, there's suddenly exactly zero time to have a discussion with OP agreeing that something has to be done, and how to approach that topic with their daughter?

I disagree. OP's wife should have talked w/ OP. She went solo in an emotional moment. Very inconsiderately, too. As if she needed to see her daughters weight to know she was overweight. How condescending and embarrassing.

EM_Full_Moon says:

The way I read it, op was not planning on doing nothing, he just wished his wife would have talked with him about how to approach his daughter about it. I understand why. When i was 17 and overweight, I was very insecure about it. If my mom would have come at me like that I would feel even more terrible about myself. I think a bit more tact wouldn't have hurt here.

trashpanda44224422 rules:

ESH (Everyone sucks here) except your daughter. 75 pounds overweight at not even adulthood is definitely concerning, but this was handled in all the wrong ways. You were wrong to interject and make it crystal clear that you and your wife are not presenting a united front.

Your wife was wrong to stick your daughter on a scale and assume the weight is coming from something simple, and to start lecturing her immediately. At her age, your daughter could be experiencing hormonal changes, the beginnings of PCOS, some kind of imbalance or autoimmune disease, or another potential underlying cause for her weight gain that is bubbling up with her approaching adulthood.

She needs to be further tested, not just stuck on a scale and berated. Disappointing that your wife, a medical professional, didn’t take a more nuanced approach, but the two of you have got to get on the same page for your daughter’s sake.

and from strandroad:

ESH (Everyone sucks here) apart from your daughter, on three counts: 1) Your wife did tell you that she intended to take action ('proceeded to come find me and said that this was kind of it for her and that she was going to do something'), if you disagreed or had ideas you had a chance to voice it back then. She didn't blindside you.

2) You both allowed your child to get to 75 pounds overweight. On a female teenager, it's a significant amount. You neglected her health. 3) She was far too brutal with your daughter though, it needed a more constructive approach.

Clearly this is a complex issue that reached into mental and physical health, and the family has a lot to work out.

But as rule... let's stop making people step on a scale in front of people. Agreed?