Daughter treated like help decides to leave family; younger sister calls her an AH.
AITA for dumping the truth on my sister?
My parents had two girls me (17f) and my sister (14f). I have always felt like my parents saw me as a babysitter, as a third adult in the house, and have expected me to be a 40 year old kid/teenager.
Whereas my sister was their baby. They spoil her rotten. They adore her. She has never wanted for anything and they do everything to make her happy.
I was expected to help take care of my sister for as long as I can remember. She's not special needs, was never sick, wasn't even a preemie either. But that was the dynamic that was set up. I remember I would come home from school and mom would have me help feed my sister.
She would have me watch her then while she was in and out of the house. I would be told I needed to play with her if my sister was upset. She'd miss me a lot and my parents would insist I dedicate my time to her once I was home.
We'd go out as a family and she'd want something and they'd get it for her. But I would be told to act my age if I wanted something. She would get to hang out with friends whenever she wanted, would have really amazing birthday parties and sleepovers that I was never allowed to have. I also never got to attend sleepovers at other friends houses.
There were times my parents would take her to do really amazing stuff and I was left behind.
Over time my sister started to get annoyed by my pulling back when I was around 15. I kept to myself, I'm moody around them, I don't engage in the 'family', I take the punishments rather than do chores since she has none assigned to her. My parents hate that I won't be the little house keeper they wanted.
My sister has told me I'm a brat and ungrateful for not helping our parents who are amazing. Over time it has gotten worse.
Then she heard me making plans to leave with my friends in a couple of months. She was so pissed that I was going to leave the family behind and that I hadn't told the family anything.
She talked about how mom and dad have saved for us to go to college and I just wanna run away. Something broke inside me when she said that I told her SHE has a college fund waiting for her, but I don't.
Just like SHE can get anything she wants while I'm told to act my age and not want anything. I told her she expects me to be a maid when I get nothing and she gets everything. I told her I am not that much older than her but everyone expects me to be an adult.
I asked her how she'd feel if she was supposed to juggle a younger sibling, taking care of the bulk of household chores, schoolwork and not getting time with friends. That the only reason you have sh*t is because you work, but it leaves you exhausted because you already have so much on. I told her that is my life and she doesn't make me want to stay any more than our parents do.
To cut this short she's upset and I was called an a**hole for being so mean to her. My sister said I was an a**hole for dumping all that on her shoulders. AITA?
Ketamine-pigeon says:
NTA, but you gotta start setting your boundaries harder. Yes it’s important to help your parents but NOT at the expense of your mental health. I think this is a convo you need to not just have with your sister but them too.
Proud_Buyer_8918 OP responded:
No conversation with them will help. They don't care. They don't love me. I brought up the college stuff and was called a leech. That is how they see me.
Low_Basil9900 says:
Very very extremely minor YTA.
In that your sister is 15 and doesn't know anything other than you essentially as her primary carer or at least an extremely central caring figure for a large portion of her life (I'm assuming this as she missed you so much when you were gone). From her perspective you just got weird with her for a couple years then exploded at her.
OdyDggy says:
That's an issue with a lot of firstborns have to deal with. I had to put my foot down and say no, I was doing this at their ages they can too.
Siblings>parents your parents are going to go away your bond with your siblings need to be strong.
Proud_Buyer_8918 responded:
My bond with my sister has never been strong. Circumstances made sure of that.
A_Phinions says:
Tell her to use her eyes: who does most chores? And to ask your parents to see both your college funds.
Proud_Buyer_8918 responded:
It's not even about more chores. She does none. Nothing. She doesn't even pick up after herself.
CaliWilly76 says:
If what you wrote is absolutely the truth your parents are incredible AH. How dare they treat siblings so differently. This is a very sad situation and they may have created mental and physical ailments for you from having to deal with their garbage parenting skills. Good luck. NTA.
Proud_Buyer_8918 responded:
I know I am going to need a lot of therapy. I know there is part of me that will never be okay. But I will work on trying to be a good person. I'll try and have a happier life once I'm gone.
Asleep_Village asked:
Are you an affair child??
Proud_Buyer_8918 responded:
I look just like my dad. And I have seen a couple of photos of when I was born and my mom definitely gave birth to me.
iammiroslavglavic asked:
why don't you do your chores?
Proud_Buyer_8918 responded:
I did for many years and was criticized a lot of the time for not meeting their standards. Then being given no benefits for all the hard work. While watching my sister do nothing and get everything. My parents have shown they don't love me so I'm not taking care of their home for them.
iammiroslavglavic asked:
Do parents not feed you? Clothe you? Gave you a bed to sleep on? Gave you the internet? TV? etc...those are benefits.
Proud_Buyer_8918 responded:
I don't use their internet. I don't get access to TV really, only with them, which is very rare, and only if my sister wanted me to be there (back in her clingy stage). I have been taking care of my own food needs since I was little. They buy the food (but I have to make it), and some clothes and a bed but yeah. That's about it. I have access to lights.