Daughter 'creeped out' by father's relationship with MUCH younger girlfriend. AITA?
"AITA for telling my dad I don’t want anything to do with his gf and new baby"
I (37f) have had a good relationship with my dad(60m). It wasn’t always a good relationship because he spent my entire childhood in jail and it took us years for me to be comfortable enough to connect after he was released. I have 2 kids (12 & 6) and he’s honestly the best grandpa. It warms my heart that even if he couldn’t be there for me he can be there for my kids. He’s genuinely a good guy.
For the past 12 years he was married to this evil witch, I could not get along with her for the life of me, again she was great with my kids as well so I just kind of chalked it up to not everyone has to like each other.
I respected her but avoided her at all costs. I’d ask my dad to visit us in our home if possible so I could make my visits around his wife less frequent.. well this past fall my dad decided to get a divorce. He met this 26 year old lady with 2 very young children and I guess they hit it off.
He called me and told me and I responded well dad, you’ve had a hard life and if this makes you happy I’m all for you having fun and living your life. He wanted me to meet her for Christmas but honestly I don’t like his choice in women.
The First Lady I met put him in jail, the second was his ex wife. So I said dad I love you but she’s part of your life and I’d like to be kept separate from your love life. I don’t want to meet anyone and I don’t want my kids around her or her kids. He understood and we dropped it
4 days ago he calls me and asks me if I want a little brother or sister and I told him neither and he says too bad cause his gf is pregnant. I fully lost it. I told him it was different when he was just having fun but this is disgusting. I don’t want anything to do with this mess.
Come to find out she left her husband for my dad and the husband is pissed and has open CPS cases on her for not caring for the children properly, she’s a migrant from Venezuela so I told him she’s probably just a young tramp looking for papers and you’re falling for it.
I said I never want to meet them or even see them (baby included) I told him he is always welcome to come visit my children but he has to come alone and he can’t take them anywhere cause I don’t want her around. I know it’s his life but I’m pissed.
My mom said I should ask him to pay the child support he never paid when I was a child before he starts having other kids. I’m honestly super grossed out and my dad never responded and hasn’t spoken to me in 4 days. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Raffzz15
I will say NTA. I understand not being comfortable with this situation.
The age gap is too big.
She left her husband for an old man. It doesn't paint her in a very good light.
She is pregnant from said old man which to me would tell me that these two are irresponsible. It is unlikely that your dad can take care of a baby in his old age.
Apparently she is not a very good mother. I also wouldn't want my kids around someone that is being investigated by CPS.
I also can understand that maybe you are hurt by him wanting to raise another kid (again, assuming he even can) when he didn't raise you. At the end of the day he can live his life but you don't have to approve.
The OP responded here:
Commercial_Mouse8996
Thank you for this insight.
Dry_Impress5410
OP, your dad let you down. He still is happy making terrible choices. You deserve an acknowledgment of your feelings, that's not blowing things out of proportion. You may never get it from him, idk. Not without excuses and blame on others But you still deserve some acknowledgement with no qualifiers.
Please find help healing. Counseling and education. Get a couple books or articles even (absent fathers, parents coming back into your life, childhood trauma, toxic families, etc) I'm guessing there is a lot for you to unpack that you dont even realize you are carrying around. Be a good example for your own kids.
ooolalaluv
YTA. In your comments - you blame your mom for him not being involved in your childhood, you blame his ex for him going to jail for 15 years (and refuse to say why he was in jail), and now you blame the woman you’re calling a “tramp” I guess for daring to have a baby with him?
Your dad has agency here. He clearly has made choices. I think this is a clear case of idolizing the parent who wasn’t involved. There’s a lot of misogyny to unpack.
Embarrassed_Advice59
Ngl your comments about the girlfriend was uncalled for. Your issues are with your dad. Given the humanitarian crisis in Venezuela I’m not surprised she would want to, you know, leave. Protecting her children as well.
Your father didn’t ask you to be apart of this “mess”. You told him before that you wanted nothing to do with his gf or her children. That’s your choice. Not an AH for that. Everything else you commented makes you an AH. So ESH. You say he’s a great guy overall so calling him disgusting and such when it’s his life to build on, to me, is selfish.