Family shuns man for 'laughing hysterically' after wife's miscarriage.

A frustrated woman posted to Reddit about the horrible treatment of her husband by his (and her) family, asking if she was wrong to spread the family drama to her neice. You decide who the a-hole is...

AITA (Am I the a-hole) for telling my niece my husband and I are not going to her birthday because my husband isn't welcome?

u/Beautiful-Cut3012 writes:

I have been with my husband for 10 years. We have been married for 5 of those years. He has suffered horrific trauma at the hands of his dad. His parents were married and expecting twins when his mom suffered some kind of hemorrhage and she ended up with eclampsia. My husband's mom and twin sister did not make it. But my husband did after a period of time in the NICU.

His dad told him it was his fault they died. He had grandparents who meant the world to him and tried to shield him from his dad's anger, but when he was 8 years old they died also. His father then blamed him.

He spent the next 10 years hearing day after day that he was the reason. At no point did he have another person to reassure him it wasn't.

When we met he had just started to heal. He was away from his dad and attending therapy. It was a very big fear of his that what his dad said was true. He is a wonderful man and my nieces and nephews adore him. He was always so good with them and the rest of my family.

In January 2020 I was pregnant and we went for a scan where we learned I had miscarried. As soon as my husband heard this, something inside of him broke. He started to unravel. He was in the middle of a mental health crisis. He was doing this weird manic laugh that was also a sob. He ran out of the room and I followed after him, concerned.

My mom and sister both work at the hospital (sister's a nurse while mom worked in the little gift store). Both saw him in this worst moment. They saw as medical personnel were forced to intervene because he was in the middle of a breakdown, hysterical and totally out of it. He was totally broken and nothing could reach him. It was the scariest moment of my life. The worst moment of his.

And they judged him for 'laughing'. Then when they told the rest of the adults in my family, they also judged him. All of my family were aware of his history. He told them about it years ago.

My husband ended up under the care of a psychiatrist who suggested he needed a lot more help than therapy could provide. Instead of understanding, my family no longer wanted him around. They said a man who could laugh at his own wife's miscarriage was not the kind of man they wanted around the kids.

I told them I would not leave him behind.

My niece is turning 12 this year and is having her first big party since Covid. She called and said she wanted us there but she hadn't seen us on her mom's list. I told her we wouldn't be able to come and that I was sorry, we both were.

She was upset and asked why she never saw us. Why we wouldn't come to her birthday party. Why we missed them all now. I told her that my husband was not welcome by the other adults in the family anymore. She apparently yelled at her parents and mine. Then I got sh*t from them for telling her what I did. They said I had no business saying that. AITA (Am I the a-hole)?

Who do you think the a-hole is in this situation?

Reddit pretty much unanimously agreed that OP was NTA (not the a-hole).

McflyThrowaway01 says:

More like YOU HAD NO BUSINESS TELLING THE TRUTH, NOW WE LOOK BAD AND WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE VICTIMS BECAUSE YOU CHOSE YOUR HUSBAND OVER US. For a nurse to do that to her own sister and BIL, makes me think that she never liked him and she used this.

JupiterSWarrior writes:

Holy hell, NTA! So much NTA. I am so so so sorry you and your husband lost your child like that. And I'm so so so sorry, especially, for your husband. That must have opened fresh wounds. The scarring on that is deep and concerning.

No, I don't think that you and your husband should be surrounded by people who totally judge him based on an extreme vulnerable moment in both of your lives. His mental health comes first. I hope you and him are doing better.

And OP responded:

He blamed himself. The moment he heard our baby had no heartbeat he believed it was all because of him, again. That still haunts us. He doesn't even remember what happened after hearing the words.

Kill_The_Dinosaurs shares:

Generally I don't think it's fair to pull the children into the adults problems - and while I still think it feels 'icky' - I'm going to say NTA ... she's 12, she's reached out to you specifically and wants to know why you won't be there and why you haven't been there. I think it's okay you told her and okay that she's calling your family out on it.

From Everythingbutmyears:

NTA. Schedule time to see your niece separately if possible or send her a gift. Your family’s reaction to a mental health crisis is abhorrent. He’s lucky to have you to support him and understand that none of this is a reflection on him.

To which OP replied:

That won't be possible. They made it clear after I stood by my husband that if I want to see any of my nieces and nephews I need to do it where they can make sure 'he' isn't around.

Ibba60222 says:

NTA. Your sister, as a nurse, should have recognized what was happening. She also violated HIPAA by spreading misinformation to the family. You should have reported her to her supervisor for that. You did nothing wrong telling your niece the truth.