Woman walks off plane after seeing fiancé's kids in 1st class, hers in coach. AITA? UPDATED
A women took to Reddit for a reality check, asking 'Am I The A**hole for walking off a plan after finding out her fiancé's kids were in first class, while her kids were seated on coach. Her fiancé is basically saying it's not a big deal, and she's wondering if she overreacted. Take a read and see what you think. Here's her story...
'AITA for not getting on a flight upon finding out that he put my kids in economy?'
So, my fiancee has 3 kids from his former marriage whilst I have 2, from my former marriage as well. I quit my job to start focusing on getting my degree. He's become the 'breadwinner,' if you will, although I still contribute with my savings! I also do 80% of child-care and chores.
Long story short, he wanted me and my kids to attend Thanksgiving with his family who are located across country, and we were supposed to go yesterday (ahead of time to get a rental place). He booked our tickets and everything, but later before the flight I found out that he his kids and myself were put in 1st class, whilst my 2 kids (14) & (10) were put in economy.
I was stunned, he acted like it was a no big deal, and told us it's just few hours and the kids could 'just hang in there for a little while.' I asked how he could think this was acceptable, and he got mad and said he's the one paying for tickets then we go by his rules. I immediately turned around and took the kids and made my way out of the airport.
He started following us screaming at me to go back but I refused and told him that I no longer felt like spending Thanksgiving with his folks after this. My youngest cried because she never flew without me.
He went with his kids. My and the kids are home. He has not stopped calling trying to berate me, and even had his mom text that I needed to get over myself and stop teaching my kids to be spoiled and entitled.
She said that the fact that I was 'willing' to miss Thanksgiving with the family over something so trivial shows my real character and personality and mindset or 'lack thereof.' I have not replied but I feel horrible.
AITA, should I have just let it slide and just went? In case I wasn't clear, ME AND THE KIDS LEFT OUR FAMILY/HOMETOWN SO WE COULD GO CELEBRATE WITH HIS FAMILY IN HIS HOMETOWN. My kids weren't too excited leaving their grandparents for a week or so.
From OP when asked how old her fiancé's kids are:
12 & 15. Very close in age to my kids. He says he paid then he decided who get what but he seems to forget that I'm juggling BOTH child-care (yes that includes doing eveeeeerything for his kids) and household chores.
While studying as well. So I think that it's unfair to say that just because I don't bring in any money then I don't get to have a say in his decisions. Specifically decisions like this.
Here's what people had to say in the comments & update from OP after the comments:
corgwin writes:
NTA. His kids in first class, your kids in economy? That's a bad sign for the future. Then his response is to berate you and future MIL calling your kids spoiled and entitled? Even worse. It would not have ended here. I would be done with that relationship.
owlsnarks writes:
His kids can go in first class but for her kids it’s “spoiling” them? NTA. Be your child’s champion and don’t let anyone treat them as less than. He’s sending a direct message that your kids aren’t members of his family. Rethink this marriage.
Independent-Top3524 writes:
NOOOO you are right and NOT the AH. Either all kids fly one way or no dice. If you can afford first class for 4 you can afford first class for 6 or all fly economy if you dont want kids to feel entitled. He has clearly shown where your kids rate to him especially over his kids. You may want to rethink marriage to an AH like that.
DemainTomorrow writes:
NTA. Your fiancé seems to missing the point: it's not that you expected your kids to be in 1st class, but that once everyone else was in 1st class, it was not okay to put them in economy.
TrainingDearest writes:
NTA. First strike: wrong for him to segregate your kids downward. Second strike: wrong for him to seat minor children away from a parent without that Parent's knowledge. Last strike: that he and his mother have teamed up to attack you.
Update from OP after this was posted:
I'm currently getting myself and the kids packed so that we go stay with my mother. This has happened BEFORE in other instances but I kept thinking to myself 'this is not right but I have invested too much time and effort in this relationship so maybe this shouldn't get in the way'..and I'd try to minimize most situations where I find my kids being put last.
Not only that but he tried to give me an ultimatum regarding getting my degree and what was my response? 'This isn't right....' but kept making light of it and letting go.
Now he's probably badmouthing me to the whole family (and so is his mom, bless her effing heart)The kids and I are leaving, He'll be coming back to an empty home...except he'll find some company with the engagement ring that I took off and left on the nightstand.
Distance and some re-evaluation is needed right now. Thank you to all who reached out with helpful input and perspectives. You're right, my kids come first and that's what I keep trying to do and I hope I won't ever fail. Thank you so much for the support.