Man called 'horrible' for moving away from parents; says 'pay if you want me to stay.'

It's only natural for family to feel sad when you move far away from them. But that doesn't mean you should stay nearby to make them happy. Career opportunities take place all over the world, and if you want to move up in your field of choice, it often requires a willingness to uproot yourself in the name of opportunity.

Still, that doesn't make it easier for loved ones to wrap their heads around the concept of you being distance.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for telling his parents they can pay the difference in his salary if they really want him to turn down a job opportunity. He wrote:

"AITA for telling my parents that they would have to pay me if they wanted to see my kids more?"

I just got a job offer in a different state. My husband works in a fly-in fly-out camp so it will not affect his work. However, my new job adds nearly $30,000 a year more to our budget. My in-laws live in a different state already and make an effort to see our kids. However, we currently live eight blocks from my parents. And they are losing it.

They are saying that I'm a horrible son for moving their grandchildren away from them. That they have grandparents' rights and all that. I told them that I would be willing to change my family's plans so long as they made up the difference between what I currently earn and my new job. I was even willing to go net. I wasn't asking them for my gross earnings. Just the after-tax difference.

They said it was ridiculous to expect them to pay to see their grandchildren. I asked them if they thought that my in-laws didn't pay for their flights and stuff when they visited? They said that is different. I don't think it is. Just because my parents can walk to my house they think that seeing the kids isn't an effort for everyone else.

My siblings have been calling me to say I'm an AH for demanding money from our parents to see the children. I offered to let them pay me the money I will be losing if I don't take the new job. Then they figured out my parents didn't tell them the entire story. Now there is a big family fight because one of them has a job that may require her to move.

And my brother will likely move after he completes his post-grad. I don't actually want my parent's money. I just want them to understand the money they are asking me to give up.

People did not hold back on this one.

yourlittlebirdie wrote:

NTA and "grandparents rights" are not a thing except in extreme situations (like if a child is left orphaned and grandparents have a right to seek custody).

They are free to come visit you whenever, I'm assuming. And if they care that much, why don't they move to your new town?

Ill_Potato533 wrote:

NTA, I get that you're not actually asking them for money but making them realize you cannot give up this job opportunity just so they can live close.

ETA: also the fact they threatened the grandparents' rights crap makes them a huge ah. If they're willing to threaten to take children away from their parents simply because they don't get their way, then they shouldn't have access to those kids.

Sir_Gunga_Din wrote:

Here's how your parents are planning your life:

Turn down job improvement and stay near them.

They will live their normal life while you are making an insufficient salary.

Parents will die.

You never have the ability to bring your missed opportunities current. You will never recoup the lost wages nor have the ability to improve your standard of living going forward because you will be too old. See how that works?

Sea-Tooth-8530 wrote:

NTA. It's not the 1950s anymore and we don't have grandparents/parents/kids all living in the same household or even the same town anymore. With the modern economy, the "nuclear family" is now the norm and not the exception. You have a fantastic opportunity for a new job with much better pay.

The only people that can make the decision on whether or not to pursue that opportunity are you and your spouse. If you decide that taking the job is the best thing to do...you do it.

Simply tell your parents this is too good an opportunity to pass up. You understand that they are down because they won't be able to see the grandkids as often, but your door is always open for them when they want to visit.

However, you need to take advantage of this opportunity so you can provide for your family in the best way possible. If they can't understand that, they are just being selfish expecting you to tailor your lives around them instead of doing what's best for you and your children.

Foggy_Radish wrote:

NTA. Your title had me thinking otherwise, though. People MOVE. Jobs CHANGE. It isn't a personal slight against your parents. Although, with the way they are acting, I'd move even if I didn't have a better job because once you threaten me with legal action (grandparents rights), whether baseless or not, that's when you lose me and my kids.

OP is most certainly NTA, his parents are grossly overreacting to what is a perfectly normal situation.