Man refuses to fund dad's vacation with other sons despite making '5 times' his salary.

Mixing money with family is always a tricky move.

In theory, if a family member is struggling and you have the means, then you want to share the wealth and help them out. However, the reality of cutting open the boundary of finances can get complicated fast, particularly if you have entitled family members or your finances start becoming more limited.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for refusing to continue helping his dad financially even though he makes five times his salary.

He wrote:

AITA for refusing to help my father financially when I make over five times his salary?

I (31M) have a father (52M) who has two other children from another woman. He always asks me for money because I am a chemical engineer that makes over $250k a year. Most of the time I do it, because his asks are pretty small, but he has never had a vacation with me before. In the last two years, he has asked me to pay for his trips to have quality time with his other kids.

This year, I asked if I could also tag along, but he said that I wouldn’t fit in and it’d be awkward. This time, the trip cost over $20,000, so I said, if I’m paying for this trip, I’m tagging along. He got very annoyed and said that he had promised a father-son bonding experience for them. I asked him why he promised to do something he couldn’t afford, and he said” because I know you’ll pay for it.”

I asked him why we never had father-son bond time, and he shouted “ARE YOU GONNA DO IT OR NOT?” I told him no. Now all of my family is saying that just be I was denied something that doesn’t mean I should deny it to other people, but maybe he shouldn’t have promised someone he’d do something when he couldn’t afford it? Idk, a lot of people are telling me that I am the AH. What do you think?

The internet didn't hold back their opinions on this situation.

JustheBean wrote:

NTA. I thought this was going to be about helping your dad with medical bills or something a reasonable person might ask for help with. What planet is your father on? $20,000 for a vacation you aren’t even a part of?? That’s insane! You’re his son, not his personal trust fund.

QuinGood wrote:

NTA. If he wants to take his 'other children' on holiday, let him figure out how to pay for it himself. Let the 'concerned family members' crowdfund his vacations. Don't say anything to him, except refuse to give him any more money. Repeat (silently) to yourself as often as necessary: The ATM is closed. You don't deserve this sort of treatment. Hugs and good luck.

throw05282021 wrote:

NTA. He wants you to pay for a father and son bonding experience that he refuses to share with you. He's treating you like an ATM, not a son. It is not your fault he is a deadbeat dad. It's not your fault he made a promise that he can't keep.

Him promising to spend $20k of your money without asking you first is unbelievable. He must think you're desperate to win his approval. He's given himself way too much permission to treat you horribly.

Bare minimum, he should have apologized for mistreating you and never making time for a father-son trip with you. Instead, he doubled down on his AH behavior and yelled at you. Cut off the flow of money. Spend your time, energy, and income on someone who treats you better. Consider spending time with your half-siblings without dad.

ETA: I make good money, and I don't spend $20k taking my wife and kids on vacation. Him asking you for that much money for a trip you aren't even allowed to go on is just mind boggling to me. That's blatantly abusive behavior on his part. Either that, or he's lying to you about what he plans to spend the money on. That's enough money to pay for another mistress.

MaryAnne0601 wrote:

NTA. You are NOT an ATM, stop acting like one! The bank of the son he only wants money from is closed. Stop torturing yourself. You could give him a million dollars and it will never make him love you and want you like he does the others.

Accept it, block him. To him you’re not a son, just a bank. Let them all go and make a family of your own from the heart. Good friends that value you and care about you. Your blood relatives aren’t it.

Mysterious-Bag-5283 wrote:

NTA. You're not the one who made a promise for this plan. You don't even go to trip why do you need to pay. Your father can take a loan if this vacation is that important to him.

Clearly, OP is NTA, but his dad is a giant one.