'AITA for not wanting to share my lottery winnings with my family?' UPDATED
"AITA for not wanting to share my lottery winnings with my family?"
So, I (32M) recently won a significant amount of money from the lottery. We're talking life-changing money here. I've always been the kind of person who values my independence and self-reliance, and I've worked hard to get where I am today.
I've always been financially stable, but this is a whole new level. My family has always been a bit... let's say, financially irresponsible. They've never been good with money, and they've always relied on others to bail them out of their financial troubles.
I've helped them out in the past, but it's always been with the understanding that they would try to improve their financial habits.
When they found out about my lottery win, they immediately started asking for handouts. They said that it's only fair since we're family and that I have more than enough to share. They've even gone as far as to say that I owe them because they've helped me out in the past (which is not true, I've always been the one helping them).
I've tried to explain to them that I want to use this money to secure my future and that I can't just give it away, but they're not listening. They're calling me selfish and ungrateful, and it's starting to cause a lot of tension in the family.
I feel like I'm in the right here, but the constant guilt-tripping is starting to get to me. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from the initial post:
NTA. It’s your money, not theirs. They don’t get to decide how you spend it. If you say yes to one person, it will lead to a slippery slope of you saying yes to everyone. Hold firm.
Work with a professional to keep your money safe, and take time to think over how you want to spend it.
NTA. It's your winnings. You don't owe them anything. Make sure your life is set up the way you want it to be, and then if you feel like helping them out, do it in a way they can't take advantage of.
Such as paying a bill directly to where it's owed rather than just giving them the money to go blow on whatever. I've actually done that before, and it's surprising how often people will decline the help and throw a fit if they can't get their hands on the cash. Congratulations on your win, and good luck with the family.
The OP then provided a quick, initial update:
I didn't expect this post to blow up like it has. I'm genuinely overwhelmed by the amount of advice and perspectives you all have shared. It's given me a lot to think about. I've seen a lot of comments suggesting I should have kept my winnings a secret, and in hindsight, you're absolutely right. I let my excitement get the better of me and now I'm dealing with the fallout.
There's also been a lot of debate about whether I should help my family or not. Some of you think I should cut them off entirely, while others suggest I should help them in a more controlled and constructive way.
I'm still figuring out what I'm going to do, but your input has been incredibly helpful. If you're comfortable, I'd love to hear more about your own experiences with sudden windfalls or difficult family dynamics. How did you handle it? Again, thank you all for your advice and support. It means more than you know.
At the OP's request, some reader's shared their personal experiences with mixing money and family:
In addition to getting a lawyer, you also need to get a financial advisor. They will help you invest your money wisely; they take into consideration your age, the amount of money you have to invest, and they’ll help you figure out what you need in your regular savings; they’re invaluable.
I hopped on to the top comment bc I received a nice inheritance and had the same problem. I shut it down by telling them my financial advisor had me invest the bulk of it (so it’s not immediately available), and what I have in savings (immediately available) is what I need for emergencies, etc.
I admit it wouldn’t be hard to withdraw from my investments, but I don’t want to. Those wanting loans don’t know how it works, so they accept I can’t get it easily/without penalties.
There are investments that will penalize you if you withdraw before a certain date, but none of mine do. Privacy is KEY; no one should know how much you have or where it’s invested. Good luck with the vultures!
Soon after, the OP provided a full update:
Reality is starting to set in. Reading through all your responses, I've realized the magnitude of the situation I'm in. The advice, the stories, the perspectives - it's all been incredibly helpful and eye-opening. After much thought, I've decided to take a step back from everything.
I'm going to take some time for myself, away from my family and the pressures they're putting on me. I need to clear my head and figure out my next steps without the constant guilt-tripping and demands.
I'm not running away from my responsibilities, but rather giving myself the space to make the right decisions. I want to ensure that this windfall is a blessing, not a curse.
I'll be seeking professional advice from lawyers and financial advisors to ensure I handle this responsibly. I'm also considering some of your suggestions about setting boundaries with my family and possibly offering a one-time assistance, but that's something I'll decide on later.
Thank you all for your support, advice, and understanding. It's been a whirlwind, but your words have provided some much-needed perspective. I'll update you all when I've figured things out. Until then, take care.
Here were the top rated comments after this latest update:
NTA. Don't give out money. I don't know what you won but its never enough to last you thru retirement. Many winners burn thru the money really fast giving to family and friends. Invest it wisely with a known big company.
Don't go with some family friend. Fastest way to get your money embezzled by that family friend. Be very careful and don't trust anyone with your finances, always check and verify.
NTA. Go find a lawyer now. Don’t talk about the money with anyone. Don’t promise anything, don’t offer anything, don’t do anything. Talk to a lawyer and start making a plan.
Read on ther personal finance sub. There’s a sidebar with instructions for you. Go read it right now. Your lawyer call will be Monday morning. You are in danger now, no mistake. You have to protect yourself.
Yes, good luck! Practice dodging cars, immediately Monday morning before you head over to the lawyers office.