Man calls SIL 'stuck up' for avoiding family; his brother is furious. AITA?

In a perfect world, we'd all harmoniously get along with our sibling's spouses. But we don't live in a perfect world, we live in a flawed world where all of us are just little anxious weirdos with our own personality preferences and triggers. This of course means, we just might butt heads with a sibling's partner here and there.

However, there's a big difference between butting heads and blowing up an emotional landmine.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for calling his sister-in-law a 'stuck up b&^%h' because of the way she avoids the family.

He wrote:

AITA for telling my brother’s wife that she is a stuck up b*&@h? Context: This involves me (25), my brother, (32m) and his wife (27f).

When my brother met his wife five years back, all of us were very welcoming. But soon it was clear that she wasn’t at all interested in being a part of the family. Over the past five years, she’s come to our family get-togethers like 6-7 times.

It’s always either my brother alone or my brother and my niece (3f). Initially, I would try to make plans with her but she’d always reject it by saying that she doesn’t go out much or that she doesn’t like shopping or whatever.

The handful of occasions she’s attended our family gatherings, she’s been very reserved and quiet, giving one-word answers or just smiling whenever someone tries to strike up a conversation. Mostly she makes some excuse and doesn’t show up.

Because of this, my brother has also stopped attending the family gatherings as much as before. My parents are very disappointed with this and my brother’s absence makes them visibly upset.

I’ve asked my brother about it, and he’s always maintained that SIL is very introverted and has social anxiety and that he’s not gonna force her into doing something she doesn’t like.

Next week is our dad’s 70th birthday and ofc, my brother and his family are invited. This is supposed to be a grand event with all of our extended family going on a weekend trip. Yesterday, SIL texted me saying that she won’t be coming for the trip.

The conversation went something like this:

SIL: Hey, I’m so sorry but something urgent has come up and I won’t be able to attend the event. It’s gonna be only (my brother).

Me: At least (niece) is coming, right?

SIL: Oh I would love for her to attend but she’s saying that she won’t attend without me.

Me: Then why don’t you stop being a stuck up b*tch for once and attend the event since it would mean a lot to my dad if the entire family was there!

SIL didn’t respond after that. Few minutes later I got a call from my brother and he was furious. He said that the way I talked to his wife was very disrespectful and that he will not be coming for the trip until I apologize.

I refused to apologize because I felt this was long overdue. So now brother isn’t coming for the trip. My dad thinks I should apologize but my mom thinks I did the right thing. AITA?

Truly no one was on his side.

Y-tho_ wrote:

YTA maybe your SIL doesn’t want to hang out with you because you suck 🤷🏽‍♀️

lihzee wrote:

YTA. What the f*#k is wrong with you? And who, exactly, do you think you are to say something like that to her? 'My mom thinks I did the right thing.' Of course, she probably shares your sentiment and feels SIL has 'stolen' her baby.

idontcare8587 wrote:

Holy s%*t YTA. She married your brother, not all of y'all. Judging by this post, she's not the stuck up 'one' here.

maypopfop wrote:

YTA. She was polite and you escalated that beyond the point of no return. You do realize that you have absolutely vindicated her from ever seeing you or bringing your niece around again, right?

You sound hostile and inappropriate and she can always refer back to that weird 0 to 60 text. Your brother understands that she is introverted, with a low social battery, and he respects that. Why can’t you?

Answer: You don’t like or care about her. So, why should she hang out with you again? Your father does not deserve a command performance. Your brother will visit when he is able to, as will your niece. Accept that.

OP certainly didn't get the vindication he hoped for. Hopefully, he's able to look in the mirror and understand why his sister-in-law so actively avoids the family.