Man asks if he was wrong to 'disrespect' GF's rude Italian-American family.
Italiano: la lingua piu' bella del mondo! (the most beautiful language in the world)
At least, that's what I told all my Italian professors and my husband's grandmother every chance I get. My husband is from a typical Italian-American family: the food is amazing, everyone is proud of their heritage, but only the older members still speak the mother tongue. But does not speaking the language make you any less Italian?
For one man, the answer wasn't so simple. After meeting his girlfriend's intensely macho Italian-American family (hard relate), he felt the need to flex his own Italian background. But he worries that he may have gone too far, so he came to Reddit to ask:
'AITA for speaking Italian to my GF's rude Italian American family and embarrassing them?'
Backstory: due to my dad's job we lived in Italy for 3 years when I was younger, so I speak Italian almost fluently (it's been awhile, so I've lost some of it). Recently I started dating a girl. She's great and I love her so much.
I met her family a few nights ago for dinner. She warned me that the male side of her family is very big into being macho, into 'testing' the boys the women date and are VERY big on taking pride in their Italian ancestry. I think besides the grandfather, however, they were almost all born in Bergen County, NJ but whatever, its nice to take pride in one's heritage.
I've never met an Italian that didn't take pride in being Italian!
Long story short, at dinner they kept making jokes at my expense (I honestly would not call it bullying, just things about my height, beard, shaved head). They tried making fun of my IT job too but stopped once I told them my income. It was overall not a bad experience, but a not so pleasant one.
Sometimes you just have to take a little ribbing from the fam.
Anyways, her older brother kept pushing things, giving me exceptional amounts of sh*t for playing Lacrosse in HS (apparently its a sport for prissy rich kids and not manly like football or baseball). He ended his rant by saying 'hey, we're just a big Italian family, we're loud and tell it how we see it! Hahaha!' and all the family except my girlfriend laughed.
Obnoxious, yes. But is he wrong, though?
So I, for the next minute, responded to everything they said in Italian. The grandfather laughed and everyone else kept looking at each other confused before telling me they didn't speak Italian. I replied 'then don't use your Italian heritage as an excuse to behave poorly when you can't even speak the language.'
Cazzo!
They got mad, but the grandfather told them all I was right and to be quiet. My girlfriend isn't mad, just ashamed (of her family), I think the grandfather likes me, but word from my gf's sister is that all the men are furious, think I'm a smart ass and that I disrespected them and their masculinity in an unforgivable way. So AITA (Am I the as*hole)?
What do you think? Was the OP being a little sensitive and took it too far, or did that family deserve to get knocked down a peg? Like, maybe he did disrespect their masculinity... but maybe that's not a bad thing.
The wonderful world of Reddit made a pretty unanimous verdict of NTA (Not the as*hole).
From bigbrainvirus:
LOL NTA. The grandad knows it! He probably half rolls his eyes every time they say they are Italian when he knows he’s the last speaker. You shut them down in the most epic/appropriate way possible! Your girlfriend should be proud flaunting that her boyfriend is more Italian than any of them.
riot1man writes:
NTA to the max! You can’t have your cake and eat it too! You can be proud of your heritage, you can be proud of what your roots are and whatnot. But don’t go throwing it around like it’s the best and only reason as to why you think you are allowed to act a certain way. Even your girlfriend’s grandfather knew that they were being buttheads and laughed with you when you totally owned them.
Also, I like that they act all big and macho and tough, but as soon as they get owned, they become all sheepish and angered. It’s almost like they want to make snide and rude comments to others, but don’t want that stuff directed to them. That kind of stuff is a two-way street man; if you start doing that kind of stuff, you open yourself up to the same thing.
splbm says:
LMAO - the pure savagery from what you said & did is so golden. You totally won the heart of your GF's grandfather (I wish I had that kind of grandfather, but mine is an AH). You and your GF are lucky to have each other. NTA - Sending good vibes.
But lampcouchfireplace had a different response:
They sound like d*cks, and his response sounds kinda funny. But if I was planning on dating someone for any length of time, I probably wouldn't dunk on their family so hard the first time I met them. There's a difference between was I an as*hole and was this a good idea.
TheGoblinPopper comments:
Yeah, also want to add that this is more 'Italian American' culture than 'Italian'. More specific north east US. I'm from the area and you didn't have to say 'Jersey' for me to know where this took place.
HelpMeUpPls adds:
Lol, they wouldn’t say lacrosse is for prisses if they had ever played 😂 especially compared to baseball. All the football/hockey kids I know where I live play lacrosse during the offseason. It IS an expensive sport, though. NTA. They sound insecure AF. The grandfather knows what’s up.
So, that's how it goes, kids!
È così che va, ragazzi!