Man keeps visiting his birth mom at work but she doesn't know he's her son. UPDATED
"I keep meeting my birth mom but she doesn’t know it’s me"
She had me when she was FOURTEEN. And I (24M) was given up for adoption. My parents told me about her growing up. I still have the letter she wrote me that she asked if they could give it to me if they wanted.
It’s crazy reading it sometimes and knowing it was a literal child who wrote it saying she’s sorry she couldn’t be my mommy but she hopes I’m happy. She was open to having contact but we moved for my dad’s job when I was 11 and then it seemed impossible to find her.
But luckily I did. She’s working at this small restaurant and I keep going but she doesn’t know it’s me. We talk sometimes. And she seems like a nice lady. Sometime when she says something like “do you want a refill, honey” or uses another term like that I wanna tell her. Idk why it makes me nervous.
We talk sometimes and she seems really genuine. If it’s not super busy she’s more open to talking about random stuff. I literally drive 2 hours to come eat at this place just to see her. And it’s like she knows me already because I’m there once or 2 times a week for the past 3 months so she always says hi with a big smile. But man if only she knew
Here's what top commenters had to say:
pilotmaxmom said:
I use to long for my daughter that was adopted. I would visit a neighborhood park, watching all the children to see if I might recognize something in a child that would tell me was mine. Years later, when my daughter was older I sought her out. We have had a wonderful relationship for the last 15 years.
She was at that park. Found out she grew up 5 miles from me. She could be craving reconnection as much as I did. I wish you a fulfilled journey and much love.
[deleted] said:
She didn't give you up out of spite, its a child who loved you. Please tell her, because I think for her this would be the biggest joy in her life. Giving up a baby while she leaves you a letter to meet? Hun.. she loves you, 14 or 80 a mothers love doesn't change.
Otherwise she would have erased any way to contact her. It won't suprise me you're the biggest hole left in her heart. Because a mother is never whole when she lost a child who she loves. If you're to scared, write a letter about yourself with a phone number or a mail.
Or leave a babyphoto she would recognize with your name and phonenumber in an envelope with her name on it. Then you don't have to say "i'm your son". But take the step, because regret is more painful than the present. And every moment counts, the present is only thing you can change. You deserve her and she definitely deserves you.
PercentageSoft8684 said:
baby, why cant you tell her? This makes me tear up🥺
likethemovie said:
Tell her, please. I know it’s difficult, but you say you want to. My mom gave up her first son through a closed adoption and searched for him for 30 years. It was heartbreaking when he finally found her and turned out to be not a great person.
You’ve already met her and you know that the two of you get along. I don’t know either of you, but knowing what my mom went through, I doubt that a day goes by that she doesn’t wonder where you are.
And or4ngepoop said:
I NEED an update when you'll talk to her.
Well, commenters finally got the update they craved. Because OP later posted this update:
Well… I did it I told her. And yeah it was pretty heavy. My heart was even beating fast. i kept trying to think how to tell her. Many of the comments on my last post here mentioned writing her a letter just how she wrote a letter for me. Originally that was the plan but for me it felt like I needed to say it.
Oh, really quick I wanna say thanks to everyone for their love and support. Mostly to all the birth parents out there who shared their stories with me. That’s what really helped push me to have the courage to confront her. It meant so much so thanks.
I did wait for her to be done with her shift and that was when they were closing the restaurant already. And waited in the parking lot. We said hi when she saw me first but then I told her there was something serious that she needed to know. First told her sorry for keeping it from her this long. She didn’t react until I actually pulled out her letter.
And she started bawling from there. Like screaming and crying at the same time, and didn’t even have to finish the whole “I’m your son” speech. She just saw it and knew. It was crazy. Next thing I know she’s hugging me instantly but then she pulled back and asked if it’s okay to hug me.
Ofc it is and we’re just there hugging an crying in the parking lot. It hit her hard though. Her legs gave out for a second so I had to actually hold her up while she’s still hugging me for a min. What really got me was her saying to me look how big you got. also hearing her cry made me cry too.
She went back to open the restaurant up (she wouldn’t take no for an answer) we had coffee, ate a slice of their pie inside and talked. Soooo many stuff we talked about. She told me the second time I came to the restaurant she got a feeling but for her it was hard believe it was me. So that feeling she had was pushed way down.
Because she told me for years after I was adopted she saw kids that would be my age and used to think they were me. Then she would be crying in public. It fucked with her mind a lot and made her depressed so she didn’t want to do the same when she saw me, getting her hopes up like that.
She says I look so much like my biological dad when he was younger though. We talked about him too. They stayed in contact with eacho ther in case I ever reached out to one of them so it would be easier to contact the other. I didn’t have hope about finding my biological dad since he was never mentioned so I’m glad they both planned for this future scenario.
She told me about how they wanted to keep me. Especially my biological dad, he didn’t want me to be adopted. But he knew they had to because they were just kids. It took him a long time to get passed it after I was born she told me. That’s why he didn’t leave anything because he didn’t wanna believe he might not see me again.
We talked for hours. Til almost 2 in the morning (they closed at 11). She just wanted to know everything about me but her main thing was “am I happy”. Were my parents good to me. Did I have a happy childhood. And I did. I told her thank you for helping to give me this life. We both cried again. She cried the most. Everything was very emotional for her. Sometimes she would look really happy but then get sad again.
After my 18th birthday she was hoping I would find her that’s why she stayed in the same city. But since I didn’t she always thought maybe I resented her, wasn’t told I’m adopted, or maybe had decided it was better not to have her around. It made me feel bad for not telling her sooner. She told me it’s not my fault and I did right going at my own pace.
Honestly she’s so sweet. The way she kept looking at me with the biggest smile, it made me emotional sometimes. Makes you think how can someone who’s been a total stranger ur whole life look at you with so much love. It’s wild. We learned so much about each other.
She asked me if we could have dinner soon to keep talking. And if at some point in the future if I’m interested come over to her house so I can meet her husband. That all sounded really great. We exchanged numbers. After I left she sent a text telling me thank you for giving her this gift that she didn’t know if it would ever come.
My girlfriend came over and she hugged me while I cried. I wasn’t sad btw these were happy tears. Everything went better than I expected. There was still emotionally heavy stuff but I’m still glad that we got to open up to each other.
I'M NOT CRYING, YOU'RE CRYING. And apparently I'm not the only one who got emotional reading this.
Commenters have responded to his update:
witch-bitch- said:
IM SO GLAD I SAVED THE FORMER POST TO COME BACK. Such wonderful news!!! I’m so happy for the both of you.
SenpaiRanjid said:
I saw your first post and this was the update I was really hoping for! So happy it all turned out great for you, this is so beautiful it made me cry, jeeeez.
Ant1mat3r said:
OP, I am beyond elated to read this. I'm sitting here, tears in my eyes, genuinely happy. I read your original post; I wrote this whole post about my wife and her biological father finding her, and how happy they are now, encouraging you to tell her, and I decided not to send it. I didn't think it was my place, and hey, what if I'm wrong, and it didn't end up positive?
But that smile - the one she looked at you with - I've seen it in my Father-in-law. And that's where the tears come from - I know that emotion - I know that feeling through my wife and her father - and I'm so, SO happy you told her. I wish you nothing but happiness. I hope this is the start of a new, exciting relationship with your mother. Cheers.
shaydatticus said:
Just read this on my break and have to go back to work looking like an emotional wreck. “Look how big you got”. Congratulations and best wishes to you.
Sybrite said:
Freaking onions man. So glad this turned out as good as it did and happy for you. Just hits hard cause I was adopted at 2. Never met my mom growing up. Bio dad lived in home town but everyone kept it under wraps. Turned 17 and got the whole story, though I kind of had figured it out.
Met him, and he was just, eh. Like he was happy but I didn't get a great vibe of the person he was so I just kind of loosely stayed in touch. When I was 32 Was able to contact bio mom for first time. Nothing but disappointment on that end.
I'm very happy with the life I was given though and the person I've become. So these stories all hit different and harder. Very happy for you and hope you can have a great continuing relationship moving forward.