Man's fiancé leaves his 10yo daughter home alone; brings her 'stone cold takeout.'
"AITA for arguing with my fiancée after she left my child at home and took only her kids on an outing?"
Backstory, my fiancée and I have been together for about 4 years. She has two kids (12f, 15f) with shared custody. It’s an odd arrangement, she has them Jan-June. Early September, she moved into our house. My daughter ‘Charlie’ is 10. For the record, up until recently she has been an amazing mother figure to Charlie.
Our first issue was back in November as we discussed bedroom arrangements. She felt her eldest should have a room of her own while living here 6 months out of the year. That would cause Charlie to bunk with her youngest. I however did not allow it because that would encroach on Charlie and likely cause her to feel alienated in her own home.
Last weekend I was called in and worked a 12hr shift. When I arrived home, Charlie was upset because they went out to eat and left her home. She said when they came back, she was handed a bag of takeout and the food was stone cold.
I asked my fiancée to explain, and she admitted to taking only her girls out to an early dinner then took them to play mini golf. That's why the food was cold, it sat in the car while they played.
She kept deflecting to the food, saying she didn’t expect her to eat it cold, she could have warmed it up herself. I said it was extremely rude to exclude Charlie from the outing. She came back with…”But I brought her food home.”
We didn’t come to any sort of an agreement. Friday she was taking her girls to the dentist. On the way out she made the snarky comment, “I hope this doesn’t offend Charlie too.” It pissed me off she said that, I called her feral.
We both later apologized, but she then started the argument back up. She said it was so rude of me to argue about her taking her kids out. She also said, “I don’t see my kids for 6 months, excuse the hell out of me for wanting to spend time alone with them.”
I understood her point, but I felt like we could periodically plan separate outings on the same day so no one feels excluded. She kinda threw the bedroom ordeal in my face and said, “My kids might feel alienated from their own mother if they can’t enjoy time alone with me.”
She made the pointless remark that her kids have no problem with her doing things with Charlie while they’re living with their father. She also said that there will be many times when Charlie will be excluded because of the age gap between her and the eldest.
I told her if she expects things to workout, she would need to treat Charlie as one of her daughters. She said I was entirely missing her point because I don’t know what it’s like having shared custody. Me scolding her for spending time with them as she said was a ‘b**@h-a^%’ move.
Here's what people had to say:
INFO Did your fiancée make the s**$ty remark about the dentist in front of your daughter?
picklejuice4044 OP responded:
God no. She was in the shower. Her kids were already out in the car.
jasperjamboree writes:
OP, your fiancée gave your daughter a bag of food that was sitting in the car as they played mini golf for presumably several hours. During that time, food can accumulate bacteria when left out between 40-140F degrees in as little as two hours.
Not only did this woman neglect your daughter to show favor to her own kids, but your daughter could have become ill from eating leftovers that were sitting in your fiancées car.
Lily_Flowrs writes:
To top it off, CHARLIE IS 10!!! Who the eff leaves a 10 year old home alone?!
picklejuice4044 OP responded:
She’s been left alone before. The only difference was I never stayed gone longer than an hour, and I’ve never left her alone at night. Most the time she’s left alone, it was a quick run tot he store. Fortunately, she’s never had to be a daycare kid. My ex MIL has helped me raise her as she lives nearby. I’ve been a single dad since she was 3.
Lian-with-I writes:
She's fine excluding your daughter knowing she'll be alone in the house with no one to contact. Are you sure you want to marry this woman?
picklejuice4044 OP responded:
Of course I’m having second thoughts. I wasn’t really when the bedroom incident happened. I was taken aback by it. If the roles were reversed, I would never expect Charlie to have her own room if it was their house
But this happening now, no I’m not about to tie the knot with this woman any time soon. Luckily, we don’t have a date set. As far as I’m concerned, we nowhere near that.
This has only been an issue since she moved in. I should have elaborated more how the dynamic changed. I get a lot of comments here are saying toss her to the curb. That’s why I said to her if you expect this to workout.
Before we lived together, she would take her kids to amusement parks, water parks, bowling alleys. You know, all that type of stuff. Sometimes both Charlie and I would join, sometimes we’d later hear about the things they did together. That was fine, no one was excluded because the dynamic was different. Two different households.
Then during the 6 months she didn’t have the kids, we’d see each other more. We’d take Charlie together to go do fun things. Sometimes we’d have date nights while Charlie was spending time with her grandmother.
Everything was fine. Charlie’s mom left the picture when she was 3. She doesn’t ever see her. So having a mother figure, aside from her grandma really helped Charlie to fill a void.