Woman says MIL can eat her Thanksgiving food or not come. Husband calls her 'petty.' UPDATED

"AITA for uninviting my MIL from Thanksgiving because she refuses to eat my cooking?"

This year I (32F) am hosting Thanksgiving at my house and I have been working all month on coming up with the menu and testing all my recipes. I am so excited to share my cooking with my family and my husband (35M), who has been supportive and helpful through all the planning and prep-work

I have bought all the ingredients and I have a beautiful variety of dishes planned (both traditional and a few unique additions).

Well today my husband dropped the bombshell on me that his MIL wants to bring her own dinner to eat when she comes over. I asked him why she would need to bring her own food when I will have more than enough here. He just made excuses saying I know how his mother is a 'grade A picky eater' and she won't 'like' anything I have prepared.

I thought that was ridiculous, I am not making anything unfamiliar to her and there will be plenty to choose from. He argued that her bringing her own dinner would be a good compromise and I disagree.

It will be hugely obvious that she's making a comment on my cooking and it would be humiliating to have her there eating something completely different in front of everyone, it's like she's trying to make a point of showing that my cooking isn't good enough for her.

I think she is being incredibly rude and disrespectful of the time, money, and labor I have put into this upcoming meal. I told him if she can't eat anything here then she is welcome to stay home and eat whatever she wants. My husband is now calling me insensitive and petty.

He says I am ruining the holiday. I don't see it that way. I only want friends and family around who are appreciative and kind - I don't need the negativity of someone rejecting everything I've cooked and insulting my cooking when I've worked so hard.

This has truly been a labor of love and I took on this responsibility to share that love with my family and friends. AITA for not wanting my MIL to come if she's going to reject everything I've made?

EDITS:

Because some people are asking, here is what I plan on serving: Roasted turkey, stuffing, classic creamy mashed potatoes, potatoes au gratin, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, roasted carrots, homemade bread rolls with apple butter, roasted squash with goat cheese.

And honey glazed ham, braised short ribs, spinach, bacon, & feta cheese pies, special lasagna with white sauce, stuffed mushrooms, creamed corn with cheese, and then pecan pie, pumpkin pie, and apple pie for desserts. It's a lot!

How can there not be one thing she can eat?

From the comments:

pinetree8000 writes:

Yes, your MIL is being rude and disrespectful, but uninviting her is not the answer. Here's what you do: Welcome her and her special meal with open arms. Kill her with kindness.

ithinkerno writes:

This is one of those situations where the MIL thinks she's embarrassing OP but she's really embarrassing herself. OP, consider how good you will feel as you watch her get more and more uncomfortable eating her special meal. And consider that if you uninvited her with no explanation you will look like an asshole, if she brings her own food she will look like an idiot.

Practical-Bluebird96 writes:

YTA. She doesn't want to eat your food for whatever reason - shes proposed a fine solution. Doesn't require any extra work for you. Maybe she really is a picky eating, maybe your food is terrible (I'm sure it isn't!) or maybe she just wants to be passive aggressive, but what does it matter?

Let her come and eat her sad sandwich. Enjoy your excellent food with everyone else.

TnksgvngThrowaway567 OP responded:

Given that the whole point of Thanksgiving is fellowship over a shared meal - if she doesn't want to participate in the meal then why should she even come?

Pheonyx11 writes:

Sorry, but YTA. She is not telling you what to make, she is not telling other people not to eat your food. She just knows what her safe foods are and is choosing to bring those, rather than bring the drama. You sound like you would create a scene if she did come without food, and then refused to eat yours.

Let the rest of the family eat your food, and let the woman have her single plate of food she knows is safe. For goodness sake…picky eating may be frustrating, but you are being petty by trying to force her into food she isn’t comfortable with.

spadoinklemillenia writes:

YTA. She wants to be apart of the gathering, but knows her taste preferences are difficult. The gathering isn't about your food, it's about getting together with your loved ones. She's not asking you to change your recipes, she's offering to bring food she is comfortable eating so she can still be apart of the gathering and not hungry.

Update from OP:

Omg there's a lot of replies, thank you all for weighing in. I've been reading all your responses and have been thinking a lot.

My husband says she has always been weird about eating other people's cooking. But he admits that sometimes she is adamantly against eating anything new and sometimes she is okay eating new foods. It seems like it depends on her mood or feeling at the moment. There are no allergies I have been made aware of and she is not on any special diet

As much as it hurts my feelings, I think the kill her with kindness route will be the best thing to do.

I am so overwhelmed and exhausted and I just want to have a perfect Thanksgiving for everyone. I will let her know she is welcome and will ignore her and focus on my other guests. I won't let her ruin my day and will be the bigger person.

That's what family does, as much as I will be irritated on the inside...(who knows maybe she will try something and like it! - but if she doesn't that's okay too)