MIL tries to kick DIL out of the house; DIL says, 'It's my name on the deed.'
'AITA for telling my dad's wife I own the house she lives in?'
My (29F) dad married a woman named Maria a year ago after dating for 4 years. My dad wanted to buy a larger house for them to live in, but couldn't afford it without selling the home he lived in at the time, which is a unique property that he dearly loves.
Although I now live abroad, I like the area he lives in and my husband offered to buy a house there that my dad and Maria could live in. My dad agreed to this on the proviso that we not tell Maria that it wasn't him who paid for the house. This made no difference to me so I agreed and the house they live in is in my name, and they live there. I never planned to tell her.
Recently, I went back to my home country and decided to stay with my dad for half my time there. The whole time, Maria made it clear I was an inconvenience and that me doing things with my dad was annoying to her, but I'm not a confrontational person, and I don't react to much, so I let it go.
However, two days before I was due to leave, she came into my room and saw that I had my dad's dog on the bed. Now, this is a dog that my dad has had since before he met Maria and that I raised. Maria doesn't allow him on her bed which is fine, but I've always had him sleep on mine.
She flipped out, saying this was the final straw, that she'd had enough of me disrespecting her in her own home, and I had to leave. I tried to de-escalate the situation, saying we should just wait for my dad and sit down and talk this out, but she was adamant that I had to leave and that she had the authority to make me.
After several minutes of me trying to explain to her that it was absurd of her to try and kick me out of my dad's house without talking to him, she said that what she said went and since she married my dad this is technically her house.
I just chuckled and said since my name is on the deed, it's technically my house, but there's no need to get technical, we should just wait for my dad. She was shocked, and left the room. When my dad came back, I told him what happened, and he went to speak to her.
There was a shouting match, and she didn't speak to either of us until I left two days later. My dad is mad I told her, which I get, but since then I've also got texts from her kids saying I was the AH for telling her and making her feel like a guest in the house.
This isn't the case, she isn't a guest, she's a tenant, but so is my DAD and the only point I was trying to make was that she didn't have any business trying to kick me out of my father's house, let alone my own property. I didn't take it there until she did. That said, maybe I should have just left the ownership out and let my dad handle it?
EDITS from OP:
For everyone talking about Maria being a tenant and tenant's rights. She doesn't pay rent, so I don't know if that makes her a tenant, technically. If it does, then as a landlord I'm pretty sure I have legal recourse over the remodeling she did without notifying me or my approval.
And anyway, I wasn't there as a landlord, I was there as a guest of another 'tenant,' and actually she did have several weeks notice I was coming in any case. I'm sure it's a legal rabbit hole, but the only reason I used the word 'tenant' is to say that since she lives there she isn't a guest in the home.
From the comments:
rilliant_Button9388 writes:
I’m going with YTA. You could of just kept quiet. I get you were frustrated with her, but you broke a promise to your father.
Mundane_Cucumber99 writes:
YTA. He only agreed to you buying the house if she didn’t know it wasn’t his. This was his prerogative, and to which you agreed. Then you break the agreement when she is being difficult without talking to your dad first. He knew the fallout from her finding out and wouldn’t have entered your agreement if he thought you wouldn’t have honored it.
Your dad’s business is his business, not yours. Your business is your dad, so if he’s entering into or staying in a dynamic that is untenable, your responsibility is to talk to him about it. Care for him, not the justice of the matter. She’s a piece of work, but that’s not your fight.
West-Faithlessness72 writes:
YTA, you don't live there and disrespect the rules of tge house for the dog which is being trained to no go into a human bed. YTA
mread531 writes:
YTA and so is your dad.
Your dad shouldn’t have lied to his wife and you shouldn’t have enabled him to do so. Not only that but pulling the card out to get your way about her husbands dog that presumably follows your dad and her agreed upon rules is just a d**k move power play over something that could have been avoided either with honesty or you just being a good guest in the primary residence.