Mom tells daughter it's 'lazy' to let dishes soak too long, they get in argument. UPDATED 2X.

Few things can dredge up ire as quickly as a disagreement over the dishes. Whether you're a married couple, siblings, roommates, or a parent and child, differences in dishwashing philosophies can launch a thousand verbal wars.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her daughter she was being lazy about dishes. She wrote:

"AITA for telling my daughter that 'this needs to soak' translates to I’m too lazy to wash this?"

Just like the title says, last night my (52F) daughter (30F) and baby granddaughter were over for I made an oven-baked macaroni and cheese. We took up our plates and I put the leftovers in a container and immediately filled the pan with hot soapy water and we sat down to eat.

After dinner, we had a coffee and then my daughter went to wash the dishes before heading home, when she got to the pan she said oh this still needs to soak. I told her translates to "I’m too lazy to wash it." I reminded her it had already been soaking for over an hour and that it wasn’t going to get any easier to clean.

She said I was just being b**chy & that I should just be happy that she had done the dishes in the first place. So AITA?

Redditors were opinionated.

He_Who_Is_Person wrote:

Soaking overnight absolutely helps. Stuff that would have to be viciously scrubbed slides off easily. It's just one pan, one time.

YTA.

Lindseyh911 wrote:

She did almost all of the dishes in a house she doesn't live in, and you call her lazy?! YTA.

EsmeWeatherwax7a wrote:

I live with people who do this. The key is that when they say "this needs to soak," they are never, ever around when it's done soaking and it's time to wash. Coincidentally, that's always my job. I agree that "this needs to soak" for some folks actually means "you wash it because it's really messy and I don't want to."

That said--and I really, truly feel your pain as I look at the dishes my spouse set to "soak" last night still in the sink waiting for me to clean--you will never make points with someone by assassinating their character. "Hey, it's as soaked as it needs to be, would you mind washing?": fine.

"You're lazy"--well, it didn't end up changing the dish situation, and your daughter called you a rude name, so just judging by results, not an optimal strategy.

Unfortunately, I've gotta go with YTA here for the name-calling, but I'm mighty tempted to join you in the club.

11SkiHill wrote:

YTA. No. It needs to soak.

And who makes company wash the dishes? That would be a one-visit and done for me.

judgingA-holes wrote:

YTA - She always washes the dishes up. She had washed all the other dishes. And baked mac and cheese def needs to soak for a while. Honestly, one of the reasons that I use foil throw away pans when I do homemade baked mac and cheese. If that dish doesn't need to soak over night, that mac and cheese ain't made right!

After being thoroughly judged as TA, OP jumped on with two updates:

EDITED TO ADD: My daughter comes home 3-4 times a week for dinner (I know it helps save her money on groceries so I don’t have any problem with that ) and she always insisted that she do the dishes because I cooked dinner.

SECOND EDIT: My granddaughter is almost two and my daughter is a first-time mom who is co-parenting. For those who are saying that she’s a guest I assure you that she is not, she has a key to the front door, comes and goes as she pleases, still has a room here (now it has a toddler bed as they often spend the night).

The pan in question is a glass pyrex, the cheese wasn’t burnt on and as I said it was full of hot soapy water already and had been for a while. And FWIW technically she didn’t call me a b**ch but said I was being b**chy and I didn’t say she was lazy I said what she said means I’m lazy.

OP is clearly TA here, hopefully, she's able to chill moving forward.