Mom ruins giant family dinner after telling 'control freak' with spreadsheet to 'chill.'

Family dinners can be the best of times, and family dinners can be the worst of times.

It's really all about figuring out how to balance big personalities and give everyone tools to not lose their minds. If everyone can agree on their respective roles in a gathering, then ships can sail smoothly. But this is always easier said than done.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, the OP asked if they were wrong for calling their mom's bluff and thus 'ruining' dinner.

They wrote:

AITA for accepting the suggestion and not coming back, ruined a family dinner?

I'm known in the family to be a 'control freak' about preparing food. In fact, in my family, there are 2 dinners in the year that all members come (in all 30 people) and before I took over, all dinners were extremely late, there was always some problem with seasoning or poor preparation. I'm organized and for every meal, I have a spreadsheet with everything I need to make a huge-scale dinner.

At first, they didn't respect it, but after seeing that my method was useful, everyone joined in and allowed me to be the head of the organization. Since then, dinners are ready on time, everyone praises and repeats the dish (not very common). It's 1-2 day for preparing meals. I don't ask them to help me, because I know I'm serious with organization, but if the person wants to, I ask them to respect the process.

Another fact: my mother was a cook (for 1 year) and my SIL is studying gastronomy.

The situation:

Sunday was the half-yearly dinner and I was the head as usual. Would help me: my SIL, mother, aunt, and uncle. This would be SIL's first family dinner and she offered to help. During the preparation, my mother started to do several things wrong and every time I said something, she said something like 'Stay calm, a wrong thing will not lead to anything.'

The problem is that she did so much wrong, skipping so many NECESSARY steps in the food that most things I had to redo or give a second look. She continued to help even though I said it wasn't necessary.

I broke down when I just commented something about steps with my SIL and she corrected me, I was going to comment but my mother said 'I think you better cool off in the pool and let those with experience sort it out.'

I accepted, grabbed a glass of wine, the spreadsheet with me and spent the whole day in the pool, ignoring when asked to come back. So...dinner was late, poorly seasoned, undercooked, and no one had a second dish. My mother later said that I ruined dinner and humiliated our family in front of relatives in revenge. I shouldn't take that serious, because it was a silly family joke.

Btw, I love making these dinners, and yes, my mother and SIL's behavior is common. AITA?

Someone asked for examples of what she did wrong: she put too much salt on one of the meats and it was inedible. There had to be 10 of something for the food and she cut it in half because it was too much (it wasn't). She started to make rice very early, and we use the pan first for other food and the rice is last because it is the biggest and heaviest pan.

My spreadsheet basically has the amounts and how long each cooking ingredient goes. I point out when they get the quantities wrong (too much or too little) or when they start making food that is for a long time before or after.

The thread quickly filled up with people's takes on the situation.

Few_Ad_5752 wrote:

Lol, NTA! You did exactly what your mother suggested you should do in her rude way. Good for you for having a nice day in the pool. The last person who gets to complain is her.

Muted_Bad7043 wrote:

I'm petty enough to love that you took the spreadsheet with you too. I'm sitting here giggling, thinking about you in the pool like, 'You got this, right?! Sure ya do! (Singing) Carry on, my wayward Mooom!'

Yes, I am a bad person.

Also, I really think this qualifies as Malicious Compliance. Maybe post to that subreddit too, for critz and gigglez.

Edit: Oops was snickering too hard to put the verdict. Technically it was kinda an ahole thing to do, but was completely justified. So I vote NTA.

jimmap wrote:

NTA. They wanted to cook and ruined the meal. Not your fault or your problem. Maybe you should stop cooking those meals since they don't seem to appreciate your effort.

Effective-Several wrote:

NTA. Kind of also belongs with r/MaliciousCompliance. She TOLD you to cool off and let those with experience sort it out. You did. So either they listen to you and follow your directions - and dinner is ready on time, everyone praises and repeats the dish.

OR - they don’t listen to you, at which point you will leave them to their own devices. Dinner will be late, poorly seasoned, undercooked and no one wants seconds. Explain it that way to them. If they want you to be in charge, then YOU are in charge. If they want to be in charge, fine, you’ll step out, and they can do all the work themselves.

OP maliciously complied, and their mom and SIL got exactly what was coming to them.