'AITA for not sharing my inheritance with my estranged sister?'
"AITA for not sharing my inheritance with my estranged sister?"
I (30M) and my sister( 37F) used to be very close as kids. In fact, we were a very tight knit family. My father used to run a string of convenience stores and my mother was a house wife.
We were a traditional Asian family and our parents showered us with love and wicked very hard to ensure we had a good life but they also were conservative in their attitudes and outlooks on life.
So no surprises that this became a huge issue when my parents saw a picture of my then 16 year old sister kissing another girl on her phone. She was immediately grounded and was forced to break up with her then girlfriend. The fighting and arguments were constant from that point on until my sister graduated and left the house and cut contact with us.
This was especially hard for me because even through all the fighting she was really close to me. She used to look after me, help me with homework and even encouraged me to talk to girls and go beyond my social circle. I tried contacting her after I got my first phone but it was very brief at first and then disappeared altogether. Ni phone calls, no texts...just radio silence.
Throughout the years I used to send her updates of my life and even joined a few pride groups at university to advocate for and understand lgbt people as a straight person. I also hoped that sharing this might bring her back into my life but eventually I accepted that she was gone for good.
Throughout this time I blamed my parents for this and resented them for a long time. But we made up when my mother was diagnosed with cancer 6 years ago and she passed away a year later.
After my mother's passing, my dad and I became much closer and I started to help more with the stores and investments properties. He had a will drawn up and transferred the stores and properties exclusively to me. He too was getting a lot weaker with years of smoking and the stresses of running a business and the family drama taking its toll on his health.
About a month after he passed away, my sister contacted me for the first time in years, hoping to have a chat. I thought she wanted to mend fences now that my parents had passed away but as soon as we met she mentioned the inheritance and wanted her share.
She dodged every question I had about her life and the reasons she iced me out with one word answers and half hearted replies, quickly getting back to property.
So I told her that I was explicitly given everything and she wasn't entitled to anything. She tried to argue that she's being robbed because she's a lesbian and that I'm benefiting from my parents prejudices but I wasn't having any of it. I politely asked them to leave and felt terrible for the rest of the day.
I asked my friends and they were divided. Some say I was right but others think it was wrong for me to benefit from my parents bigotry and should've given her her share. AITA?
Edit from OP:
I'm actually South Asian Hindu myself. I was very openly supporting her and we've gotten into some intense arguments over the years and i really did try my best to support her.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ESH. Shitty of her to only come around for money but ultimately your parents left her out of the will purely out of homophobia. You would just be perpetuating that. She didn’t do anything to not deserve that money besides being gay, she shouldn’t have to be besties with you just so you can decide if you’ll give it to her. Legally, sure you don’t have to but morally?
NTA. While a tricky situation all round, the fact that she ignored you for all these years and only came back for the money makes her an AH.
You are making this about you. This is about what is fair
tigerprawns123 OP:
I suppose that's a fair point to consider.
Legally not the asshole and I’m sorry your sister snubbed you when you tried to make an effort. I’m Asian origin so no disrespect, but I think your dad is an asshole. He was homophobic towards his child and tried to stop her from being herself. I don’t blame her for going NC to protect her mental health.
While I applaud your sister for going NC you can’t have it both ways. You can’t go NC and expect your estranged parent to leave you money. That being said I have nothing but empathy for your sister. We are programmed as kids to love our parents and then her mum and dad rejected her for who she was and she was coercively controlled.
She must carry immense feelings of hurt and anger and probably feels entitled to some of that money and your dad disinheriting her is probably rubbing salt in a very old wound that hasn’t been allowed to heal. NAH, except your parents. Again no disrespect intended.
tigerprawns123 OP:
I wholeheartedly agree but it's just I felt immense hurt by her cutting contact with me. I really loved her deeply and felt like I did everything I could to salvage that relationship. It was only after my mother was diagnosed with cancer that I stepped back.
I do feel that your sister lost out on an inheritance and family for being gay, but I also understand that you were hurt. Has she ever said why she went no contact with you?
tigerprawns123 OP:
She didn't give me a very good reasons. Apart from wanting to leave everything behind. I think she was hoping she wasn't explicitly disinherited.