OP tells SIL she's 'making a mistake' by having another child; gets called 'douche.'
'AITA for not congratulating my sister in law on her planned pregnancy and telling her she's making a mistake instead?'
My brother works as a car rental agent and his salary is not livable at all. His wife is a stay at home mom for their 4 year-old, so, he's the sole provider and he's been receiving a fixed sum from both my mom and other sister to keep things afloat. I also helped a few times when I could.
Some time ago, my sister-in-law told me she wanted another child because she didn't want their son to be an only child and asked me what I think. I advised her against it and told her to either wait till my brother gets promoted or till she gets a job.
I told her it would be realistically impossible to provide for another child when you're barely coasting by and that she was still young (27yo). I also told my brother the same thing.
About three weeks ago, my brother calls me all happy and tells me his wife is pregnant. I told him great, I wish you good luck and soon hang up. I never called sister-in-law to congratulate her, nor went over to their place for the baby shower (told them I was busy.)
Yesterday, we had dinner at our parents' house and I inevitably met my sister-in-law. She told me you know I'm pregnant with an excited tone. I told her yeah I know, that's great I wish you good luck. She then said so? That's it? I asked her what she meant and she said aren't you happy for us?
I told her my feelings are irrelevant here and their decision is up to them. She told me of course they matter and begged me to please honestly tell her what I think.
So I told her I frankly think you're making a mistake and this innocent child is going to suffer the consequences of your selfishness. You are not ready to care for another little life when you can't even pay your bills. How long do you think my mom and sister are gonna support you?
She interrupted me and said what the hell, that's none of your f**king business. I only asked you out of politeness, but you really didn't hold back at all. I told her you're the one who told me to be honest. She said that I told you to be honest with me not be a douche. She then called me an a**hole and went off to complain to my brother.
I didn't want to tangle with them and grabbed my purse and left. Some time later my mom calls me fuming and tells me I had no right to make any comment whatsoever. She said I should have congratulated them properly and left it at that. That even if she was the one who asked for my opinion I should've known better than to hurt her with those words.
I think my words might have been pretty hurtful and I went too far. AITA?
Here's what people said in the comments:
BlueRose2300 writes:
Maybe you should’ve been kinder or phrased it better, but she asked for your opinion, got mad when you gave it. Full stop. You’re NTA.
opinionswelcomehere writes:
Not only asked, but had previously heard OP's opinion/advice, then sought OP out and pressed the issue as if to get validation for herself. What was she expecting here?
rubykowa writes:
Seems like OP fell into SIL's manipulative trap: now pregnant SIL can play victim + gain even more sympathy = money from the mom and sister.
Riverina22 writes:
I wonder if SIL is having doubts/anxieties about money so she was hoping OP would be all happy for her and be like 'money will probably be fine.' Idk. She clearly was not looking for an honest answer.
eagereyez writes:
The brother and SIL obviously didn't approach the situation logically. The kid is going to arrive no matter what OP does, so why stir the pot? It's better for everyone to just dodge the question.
FireballFodder writes:
Yep. OP there was nothing to gain from sharing your opinion. It's not like SIL and brother are going to change their minds with her already pregnant, so all your disapproval is going to accomplish is to piss your family off.