Guy's parents don't invite his fiancé to their Christmas party; she's 'livid.'
'AITA for not forcing my parents to invite my fiancée to their upcoming christmas party?'
Christmas in my (28m) family is a big deal. My parents’ holiday parties are pretty extravagant and beyond family, only a select few get invites. This includes close friends and neighbors.
My siblings and I can make suggestions but it’s our parents’ party at the end of the day, which means their decisions are final. My parents also happen to be notoriously hard to impress.
A few of my friends have made the invite list for the party before, but slowly as I’ve gotten older and lost touch with people, that list has dwindled down to just my longtime best friend and former roommate, Jordan (32m).
We grew up in the same neighborhood and he even worked at my dad’s company for the majority of his 20s. While he’s my friend first and foremost, he’s clearly also a friend of the family. My parents love him and have since we met when I was 15 and he was 19.
I got engaged in September after dating my fiancée (29f) for around a year and a half. She wasn’t put on the guest list last year, and she didn’t see it as a problem since she was busy with her own family festivities. I hadn’t really put much thought into what might happen this year besides a brief mention to my parents about adding her sometime last month.
As always, my parents email my siblings and I the final guest list on November 1st in order for us to look over it and give our thoughts as they finalize final numbers in preparation to send out invitations and RSVPs.
As I looked over it this morning, I noticed my fiancée's name wasn’t on there. An important note is that the party isn’t the only Christmas celebration had. I also stay with my family on Christmas night in order to open presents the next morning, and all significant others are invited to that.
I told this to my fiancée and she was livid. She said it was beyond disrespectful that Jordan got an invite but she didn’t, and that I needed to stand up to my parents. I told her it was their party, and they had the final say but that Christmas festivities would still happen - this just gave her time with her own family again.
AITA?
Edit: Spouses almost always get dual invitations, so I don't think this will be a problem if we're actually married.
Comments:
86max86 says:
YTA - your parents have a right to invite whomever they want, but they are choosing to be incredibly disrespectful to your fiancé. If they don’t think your future wife warrants an invite, you should not go.
FYI - “notoriously hard to impress” is a euphemism for “assholes.”
DarmokTheNinja says:
YTA. You really don't see the problem here? If you don't want to fight your parents on their guest list, then you better not be going, either. This is the woman you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with; the time for split holidays is over (unless you BOTH agree otherwise).
Also, this party sounds pretentious as hell.
BeenThereT says:
Do you value spending time with Jordan over you wife to be? Do you like Jordan more? Your family certainly does.
christmaspartyhelp_ OP responded:
Jordan has been a valued part of our family for over a decade now. He's also traveling a lot for work these days, which makes time with him that much more valuable. It's not a matter of who I like more, it's a matter of 'I haven't seen this person in almost three weeks and we're desperate to spend time together.'
AnneListersBottom says:
Three whole weeks! My goodness me, what a hardship!
YTA. Do you even like your future wife?
christmaspartyhelp_ OP responded:
In my defense, three weeks can be long when someone's in another time zone that makes phone calls difficult to time.
PerkyLurkey says:
INFO, at some point, you will need to gush over your fiancée as much as you do over Jordan and the rest of your family.....oh and the Christmas celebrations.
If you can’t (or won’t) do that, gush over your fiancée, you might not be getting married. Is that what you want deep down?
christmaspartyhelp_ OP responded:
There have been times where I've had reservations about moving forward.
gurlwithdragontat2 says:
INFO: why are you marrying her if you don’t consider her family enough to have her at the holiday party?? Are other partners invited to all events? What will be the protocol going forward? Is this a one off, or setting up for a longterm issue.
Idk if I can judge based on how little info is given based on the dynamics here.. but if she’s not invited you can’t exactly expect her to be stoked about that.
christmaspartyhelp_ OP responded:
To me, the holiday party is insignificant from an outside perspective, like to people outside my family. It's not held on actual Christmas and she will be included in all the real, day-of festivities.
Other partners are invited, but they've been around for longer. My sisters have been married for three and five years.
pfashby says:
YTA
Your fiance doesn't make the cut? Wow! Time to decide who is your family going forward. The person you plan to spend the rest of your life with, or mommy and daddy.
christmaspartyhelp_ OP responded:
It is a little complicated because I work for my father, so it's not quite so cut and dry. I'm incredibly close with my family and our lives are intertwined in more ways than just emotional, but financially as well.
DarmokTheNinja says:
YTA. You really don't see the problem here? If you don't want to fight your parents on their guest list, then you better not be going, either. This is the woman you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with; the time for split holidays is over (unless you BOTH agree otherwise).
Also, this party sounds pretentious as hell.
christmaspartyhelp_ OP responded:
I've considered not going as well, but there are other christmas traditions I want to uphold that don't just involve my parents. Jordan and I typically spend a majority of the night together and not going would put a huge damper on the holidays for me.