Sister won't babysit nephew because of his disability; bro calls her 'ableist b*tch.'

Caring for someone else's child is an entire career, so why do so many people expect it for free from their family members?

When one young woman declined such a request, she was met with hostility for her reasoning. So, she came to Reddit to see if she was actually the jerk:

'AITA (Am I the a-hole) for not babysitting my brother's child because he has a disability?'

u/Huge-Tumbleweed9545 writes:

For context: I'm a 19 year old girl, and recently got into college. I have an older brother who is much older than I am, hes 29. and he has a 3 year old kid. His kid has Downs Syndrome.

Recently my brother has been pretty busy, as hes been searching for a better job than the one he has now. hes been trying to be the 'Main breadwinner', according to his girlfriend. And since they've both been working, no ones been able to look after their kid.

So two days ago, my brother asked me to babysit their child for a bit. I turned them down, because of two reasons:

1. I wont have time to look after the baby because of classes and studying, which i have to do a lot at this point in life.

2. he has downs syndrome like I mentioned earlier, and I have no idea how, or even if i am equipped to take care of a child with down syndrome.

When I told them this, they called me an ableist b*tch. They started saying that they were busy, and I couldn't just say no to babysitting because he's disabled. So, AITA (Am I the A-hole)?

What do you think?

Here's what Reddit had to say: NTA (not the a-hole)

Ornery_Cartographer asks:

How close are you with your brother and nephew? If you’re refusing based on knowledge that he has activity restrictions due to heart issues or is a known runner, or other specific issues related to his Down Syndrome, that’s totally fair. It’s also frankly an audacious ask from your brother, and reason 1 is completely sufficient for a ‘no’.

Throwing reason 2 into the mix if you don’t know anything about his specifics comes off a little tone-deaf, and it’s understandable that his parents are primed for that fight.

They’re still wrong for not graciously accepting the No, but you can probably smooth it over by retracting your statement, standing by reason 1, and consciously including your nephew in your life to the same degree as any other nibling.

OP responds:

I'm decently close with my brother, we meet every three months or so. However I have never ever met my nephew.

AdClear6278 says:

NTA (not the a-hole). You are not their free babysitter. Disabled or not, you don't have to watch a kid if you don't want to. They decided to have a child, so it's their responsibility to either watch their kid themselves or find childcare. Can I ask what country you are from?

OP answers:

I'm swedish, how come you ask?

Just wondered why your brother would be so entitled to just demand you to watch his kid. I'm sure Sweden has a lot of daycares that specialize in childcare for disabled kids.

Then WickdWitchoftheBitch jumps in:

Not only do they exist, daycare is heavily subsidised. NTA (not the a-hole) OP, focus on college and let your brother sort out his family situation.

Prestigious_Kuro suggests:

I would have doubled down and called him a sexist b- after he called you an ableist b-. Just because you're a lady doesn't mean you're perfectly equipped to babysit. But all in all I'm glad you stood your ground.

fabfameight writes:

NTA because you aren't obligated.....but, why is everyone so freaked out about the Down Syndrome? The vast majority don't have serious medical issues (which would be a concern, I agree). Down Syndrome children are developmentally delayed....but otherwise the same as others in my experience.

And strange-quark-nebula agrees:

Came here to say this! I used to have a volunteer babysitting service exclusively for kids with Down Syndrome through an advocacy organization and they are generally very easy kids to babysit for. At age 3 they are often still non-verbal, but that’s not really a problem for a kid of that age, and they are very cheerful and fun kids.

OP isn’t obligated to babysit any kid of course, but unless this kid has some specific unusual additional medical needs, just having Down Syndrome wouldn’t really make the babysitting harder.

So, there you have it!

OP isn't a free nanny, but she should probably meet her nephew before anyone asks her to care for him, as well as learn about Down Syndrome.