'AITA for telling my dad’s wife that she’s getting her karma and to leave me out of it?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my dad’s wife that she’s getting her karma and to leave me out of it?"

I (15 F) am my dad’s affair baby. My mom didn’t know he was married and broke it off when she found out but she was already pregnant. She decided to have me and has always been a great mom to me. A lot of my friends don’t get along with their moms but mine is really cool and I wouldn’t trade her for anyone.

My dad takes me out on the weekends to do things and visits on holidays, but I’ve never lived with him or anything. When I was younger he had to take me to his house for a few hours one time when my mom was really sick and his wife yelled at him and I had to stay in a bedroom away from her because she was so mad.

My mom explained the cheating when I was older and realized how weird the situation was compared to friends with divorced parents. I have feels about it, but he’s my dad so I try to not think about it a lot. I know my dad’s wife hates me and is the reason I can’t see him more, so yeah, she has a reason to be mad at him, but also screw her.

So a couple of months ago, my dad started asking if I would like to spend whole weekends with him. I said I would be okay with it if it wasn’t at his house. He said his wife wants me to come and she’s had a change of heart. Sounded really sus so I said no. Then this weekend she wanted to come have lunch with my dad and me.

She said that she realized how important I am to my dad since they can’t have kids now and that she would like to make up for it all and be my step-mom if I would let her. It really made me mad because my whole life she’s made it really hard to see my dad and now she wants to be nice?

I might be TA because I told her that if she can’t have kids that’s karma for how she treated me and she’s never going to be anything but my dad’s wife. She started crying and my dad told me later that was a terrible thing and I need to apologize.

My mom said that she put me in an unfair situation and I should probably avoid talking to her right now because she’s having to deal with infertility and hasn’t really gotten over things. AITA? I feel like she kind of deserved it.

Redditors had plenty to say.

My_igloo_is_melting wrote:

NTA. You were being set-up. They set you up and their little plan failed and exploded in their faces. You were treated very poorly for years, and all of a sudden "Oh never mind, we are good now"? No. Never. Not ever.

People think "I am sorry" erases all the evil they did. It doesn't. What it does, is clear the slate, so they can do it again. You dodged the "again" because sure as heck, that woman will change her mind again.

Fabulous-Shallot1413 wrote:

NTA. You are justified in your feelings and wants. Just because she wants to suddenly be in your life doesn't mean you have to. Try to understand her side too, your the child, that is a constant reminder that her husband cheated on her, and she can not have kids. That, however, doesn't mean she can just be sh#$ty to you forever. She could have/ should have left your dad. She chose to stay.

KuraiHanazono wrote:

Soft ESH/NAH. You are not at fault for being an affair baby, or for how she had treated you over the years. But what you said was extremely harsh. This is NOT an excuse for her behavior, she’s definitely the bigger AH in this situation. But this situation has been hard for her, knowing her husband cheated and betrayed her and the vows he made to her. Infertility is really heartbreaking for a lot of people.

What you said to her is she essentially did something to cause/deserve being infertile and being cheated on. That’s out of line. She needs therapy to deal with her stuff, she should not be taking anything out on you. But all of this is essentially on your dad. He lied to 2 women, he caused a pregnancy outside of his marriage, and HE chooses to not be more involved in your life.

She might make it difficult for him, but that’s part of why she needs therapy. She needs to understand that you hold no responsibility here and deserve to be treated with respect and have the relationship with your dad that you want to have. But again, it’s ultimately on your dad for not spending more time with you. You’re all mad at the wrong person.

Future_Falcon_7233 wrote:

NTA. How she treated you was horrible, she should have never blamed you for what your dad did to her. I think she never really forgive him and your were a constant reminder of his infidelity. Absolutely not a good reason to treat a child this way, she needs therapy. Now, you seem to put all the blame on her...but the only true culprit is your dad no?

Why did he let her sabotage your relationship? He is a grown man and should be able to put his foot down and have some boundaries. In the end, HE was the one making the final decision. He is your father, therefore the only person that you should held accountable for his actions. You can definitely hate his wife, but in the end, your father is the only one responsible.

YearOneTeach wrote:

NTA, but telling someone they deserve to be infertile is pretty harsh, especially since it seems like a lot of the reason you dislike her is because you believe she kept your dad from you. Your dad is a grown man, he could have put his foot down at any time and insisted on your being a bigger part of his life without her interference. The wife is not solely to blame for this situation.

Later OP came back and shared this update in the same post:

First up jfc some of you “adults” are unhinged insisting my mom must have known he was married and calling her a slut and she should have aborted me. Who hurt you? Fr get help. You sound like basement dwelling incels that haven’t seen any light but your computer screen in years.

I had lunch with my mom and dad today to talk about things. I asked my mom to come with me because I didn’t want to see him by myself. I told my dad he had to leave his phone in the car or I wouldn’t come. I told him that I don’t want to go to his house or see his wife. I won’t see him anymore unless he makes sure that his wife won’t interrupt us constantly.

I’ll have my DL soon and if we meet somewhere and he picks up the phone or his wife shows up I’m leaving. I love him and I don’t want to not see him but I can’t do it anymore. My mom says I can choose whether I want to see him or not.

He said he loves me and he understands and he doesn’t want to lose me from his life. He promised he would work it out over the Thanksgiving break and we could talk about spending more time together when I get back from my grandparents.

My mom said to try not to think about it and just enjoy being with the family and seeing my cousins but yeah that’s going to happen. So maybe I still have a dad when I get back and maybe I don’t.