Teen gets in trouble with dad for refusing to call stepmom 'parent' or 'mom.'

Blending families can be incredibly complicated, especially when all the kids have radically different feelings about the stepparent situation.

In an ideal situation, the family can find a way to respect each of the kid's different feelings while keeping some semblance of familial consistency, but this is easier said than done.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if she's wrong for refusing to call her stepmom 'mom' after years.

She wrote:

AITA for refusing to compromise with my dad and stepmom?

I (16f) am the only child in my household who does not call the adults in our home mom and dad. I have two bio siblings ages 14m and 13f. And I have four step-siblings ages 19f, 14m, 14m and 12f. Mine and my brother's mom died when I was 5. Oldest step-sibling never knew her father.

My other three step-siblings dad still plays a role in their lives but was never big on the oldest and eventually my stepmom left him for that reason. My siblings call stepmom mom since they only know her as mom, oldest stepsister calls dad that because she never had one and he was willing, younger three call him that because they are not fond of their bio father. But I have never called my stepmom mom.

I was only 5 when dad and her moved in together (5 months after my mom died). She's okay. But to me I do not love her like that and I do not want her to be my mom. I have some memories of my mom and find it disrespectful.

She's told me before it's never disrespectful and if I had a baby one day, wouldn't I want them to never be without a mom, I told them they'd always have a mom whether I'm dead or alive and I wouldn't want them calling someone else mom. She told me I was too young to get it so I should just follow the flow of the household and start calling her mom.

My dad and stepmom went to a meeting with my school about my IEP and there it was brought up that she was my stepmom because I tell teachers at school and my aid. Always did. But I guess it was brought up for some reason and they hated it.

So they sat me down and said if I won't call her mom, then they will try to accept it, though they think she has earned that title after all these years, but they said at least stop saying dad and stepmom and start saying parents. I told them no. That when I say parents I mean my mom and dad. Not dad and stepmom.

Dad told me I was being a difficult little $#!t and why do I insist on punishing my stepmom for mom's death. I said it's not punishing her. It's doing what feels right to me. Just like the other kids do what feels right to them. He told me he doesn't give a $#!t about what I feel is right. THEY say what is right as an adult. Stepmom said my unwillingness to work with them and compromise drives her crazy. AITA?

People quickly weighed in.

VixenNoire wrote:

NTA. No stepparent has the right to demand a title from you. That's earned. I love my father's wife, but they married after I was grown and I've never lived with them. She's never been any kind of mother to me. I just call her by her first name and we're cool. My little brother was still a preteen when they got married, and he calls her step-mom even though he lived with them full time. She's fine with that too.

I also have to ask, since you mentioned IEP, are you on the autistic spectrum? If so, they should know that many people who have autism find it very hard to say something they feel is untruthful. You don't feel like she's your mom, therefore calling her your mom is an untruth and why would you lie to people?

She has the right to have hurt feelings if she has raised you and treated you the same as her other children. But hurt feelings still don't give her the right to tell you to lie. Her feelings are not more important than your feelings, and as the adult she should understand that.

Ok_Examination3023 wrote:

NTA and your father telling you he doesn't give a sh*t is just so horrible. Even if they forced you to call her what they want would it even count if it's not coming from the heart? They should be happy you are honest with them about your feelings.

Apprehensive-Bet2081 wrote:

How is calling her mom a compromise on their part? You can't force what you don't feel, so why lie about it? No one has the right to dictate your feelings. NTA, but your father is. Would he be okay with someone replacing him?

sunset-tx-armadillo wrote:

NTA - It amazes me about how many Reddit posts are about this issue. Why the hell are the parents-step parents forcing the child to call them mom or dad. Crazy! In your case, your SM moved in 5 months after your bio mother died. Even though you were very young, you still remembered your mom and having SM thrust into your life had to be a shock.

You were not so young, that you didn’t miss your mom & grieve for her. Your father and SM need to respect your decision and stop shoving it down your throat-it’s been 11 years. Enough already.

Meesha1687 wrote:

NTA - A couple of things. First, with you being 16, you should be attending ALL of your meetings about your IEP. When you turn 18, you'll be your own legal guardian and responsible for signing and understanding what is written in your IEP.

I have no idea why it would be brought up that you call your step mom your step mom at your IEP, but moving forward I would insist that you be at ALL meetings. The last thing you want is her being listed as your mom in that document. Second, no one can force you to call them mom or dad. Those titles are earned.

The verdict is unanimous: OP is NTA.