Twin won't let father walk her down the aisle, says 'you abandoned me.' AITA?
Feelings of childhood rejection are incredibly impactful on us as adults, no matter how much we have grown.
One twin was particularly hurt by her parents' behavior. When he and her twin brother were young, he was very sick. She felt like her parents completely focused on his needs, ignoring her own. When he was particularly ill, they sent her away to live with her uncle. When he got better, they never came back for her. And now that her wedding is approaching, she doesn't want them to have anything to do with it.
AITA for not letting my dad walk me down the aisle?
I (24 f) am engaged to Jess (26 f) and want my uncle (49 m) to walk me down the aisle? Lets get into the backstory.
When I was younger I had a twin brother James who had a heart condition. My parents obviously cared about James more than me. They would shower him with love and attention while I was the black sheep.
Eventually when we were 9 his condition got bad to the point where he was in and out of the hospital. My parents then shipped me off to live with my uncle and his wife Sarah (46 f).
When I started living with them It was the best thing to ever happen to me. My uncle and his wife gave me love and attention, something I had desired for the longest time.
Eventually my brother got better but they never came to get me back and completely abandoned me. I hadn’t seen them in 5 years.
When I was 16 they wanted contact but I didn’t. My uncle pressured me into it, so I did start having contact. Well lets fast forward into the present.
As I said before I am now engaged to Jess (26 f) I recently had dinner with my dad and we were talking about the engagement. Midway into it he asked if he could walk me down the aisle.
I laughed at him and asked him why he deserves to and reminded him that he completely abandoned me. I told him my uncle would be the one to give me away. He and my mom ended up leaving early.
My brother called and said I was an a**hole and that my dad deserves this right. I hung up and blocked him. AITA here?
Here are the top comments from readers:
NTA. Tell your dad he already gave you away when you were 9. This time you want your uncle to do the honors.
NTA. I’m baffled at the way that some parents treat their children, and then they wonder why their children don’t want to talk when they grow up. Your parents don’t deserve to walk you down the aisle. Your uncle is more of a dad to you than your biological father. It only makes sense he’d be the one walking you down the aisle.
NTA. Parents need to learn that their actions/inactions have consequences.
NTA - I personally find the giving the bride away thing to be outdated but by traditional standards, if anyone “deserves” the right to give you away, it’s your uncle as he’s been the father in your life.
Would your dad, by chance, be embarrassed if others see your uncle walk you down the aisle instead of him? Just a guess but maybe it’s an image thing.
NTA.
He's your 'father' but not your dad.
The only 'right' they have at this point is the right to go away.
One thing I’ve read, and I think many people don’t realize, is that even siblings can have very different experiences of/with their parents.
This is a pretty extreme example. James got the highly involved, devoted parents who cared for him through his illness. OP got parents who were absent from her life for years. James doesn’t seem to be able to understand or empathize with his sister’s experience.