Uncle rescinds offer to help with niece's wedding after SIL demands more money. AITA?
Most offers aren't on the table forever, there are always catches and conditions.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for rescinding his offer to help with his niece's wedding. HE wrote:
"AITA for rescinding my offer to help with my niece's wedding?"
I have always been good with money and am careful with it. I also inherited a good chunk to be fair, I was able to retire last year fairly early as these things go. I am not married and have no children. My sister-in-law asked me to help with her daughter's wedding. This is my brother's stepdaughter, there is no blood relationship. I suppose she is not really my niece, but they call me her uncle.
I initially told them I would help, I was thinking maybe $1,000 or so. I was going to give the same amount as a wedding gift, but they did not know that. They started booking things and asked if I could give them $15,000. Yes, I could, I just don't want to, I would give $1,000. My sister-in-law started pressuring me for more, I said no. $1,000 was a nice contribution for a step-uncle (for lack of a better term).
She then got angry and called me names, etc. This is where I might be an AH. I told her that the offer of any money is rescinded, I would not give a cent, not attend the wedding, and not give a gift. She called me an AH and all sorts of other things. My brother called me and apologized for his wife and asked if I would consider $5,000.
I told him that I loved him, but did not like his wife and that my decision to give nothing stands. He then joined the AH chorus. AITA for rescinding my offer to $1,000?
People didn't hold back at all.
Stranger0nReddit wrote:
NTA. Yeah, calling you names was a genius way to get you to contribute more money. I don't blame you for not giving anything at this point. They are acting so entitled to YOUR money, but just because you have money to spend doesn't mean you have to spend it on them.
ThisIsTheCaptain wrote:
I'm gonna go NTA here. While I personally wouldn't have shot straight to rescinding and not going to the wedding at all, I really can't blame you for your decision. It sounds like they were trying to use you as a wallet and got mad when the purse strings were cut. People can't plan an event above their means with the intent of depending on someone else's bank account.
You're retired. You're not going to have more money coming in, regardless of how much you still have. You can't go blowing it willy-nilly on some party just because your step-niece wants a more expensive breed of flower for the table settings. That's absurd.
And it sounds like you're not particularly close with them as it is, or the step differentiation probably wouldn't have crossed your mind. We're people on the Internet, we don't care about who's related by blood and who's related by marriage. But it does stress (to me) that it doesn't sound like these are people you regularly brunch with or anything.
wearing_shades_247 wrote:
Only thing I’d suggest if there was a similar situation, is to answer “can you help?” with a “I’d be happy to contribute $1,000 to helping them with their celebration” instead of an open “yes.” Would help to clarify expectations early on. They got ahead of themselves thinking higher amounts and common civility went out the window.
conchitu wrote:
NTA. You don’t have to give a single penny, and TBH, those thousand dollars were not at all what they wanted. When you thought it was more than a generous gift (and it is!) your SIL saw it as nothing. So keep your money and stay home.
FuzzyMom2005 wrote:
NTA. Their assumption of $15K is outrageous. Your offer of $1K was generous. Sure, it should have been worked out ahead of time, but they never ever should have booked things with a blank check in mind. Then to start insulting you, thinking that would somehow soften your heart and open your wallet? Ha!
OP is most definitely NTA, he's just dealing with some very entitled family.