'WIBTA if I go on vacation instead of my brother's wedding?' UPDATED
"WIBTA if I go on vacation instead of my brother's wedding?"
My brother Tom (36m) and I (26f) have never had a really solid relationship, due to our age gap we didn't spend much time and by the time I was old enough to develop a personality he was moved out of the house.
For the last two years my brother and his fiance Sarah (32f) have been planning their wedding. And it's coming up in September. I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I figured i was only asked as a courtesy since I'm her soon to be sister in law but I still took it seriously. I have been a bridesmaid for the last two years.
Just a few weeks ago I managed to save up to buy the 800 dollar bridesmaid dress. Over all in the last two years between group outings to parties, dinners, lunches, clothes, etc… I spent thousands of dollars. Eventually all the girls in the wedding and I became extremely close and I started to get hyped for the wedding.
Sarah recently got close with her brother's wife Becky (30f). Last week she dropped the ball on me that she no longer wants me to be a bridesmaid and she would prefer if Becky would take my place.
It broke my heart a little but it's her wedding and it's not my place to tell her how to run it so I said it was fine. Yesterday I went to my brother's house to pick up the bridesmaid's dress, and was going to see if I could return it since it was within the time frame.
Sarah was completely appalled and said that Becky was going to wear it since she and I are the same size. I said that would be fine, but they would have to pay me the 800 for it. Sarah said that Becky couldn't afford and I should just be nice and let her use it and said that I could keep it after the wedding.
I explained that I'm not just giving away the dress, and I'm not ever going to use it after the wedding. After some bickering back and forth I just ended up taking it and leaving.
My brother and Sarah tried to compromise with me, and say I could be 'the assistant flower girl' and I felt offended at the offer. After I said no, they then said that Becky could give me 250 bucks for it. Again no and I returned the dress and got a full refund.
I told them I understand that it's their wedding but they are being extremely disrespectful to me and I don't need to deal with it and I'm not going to the wedding.
Today my coworker says she has an extra round trip plane ticket to go to Miami that she'll sell to me for half price plus I would have to pay for half the hotel and I can go hang out with her in Florida. The only downside is that I'll be in Florida for the week of my brother's wedding.
So will I be the a-hole if I just go party in miami instead of going to my brother's wedding?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Auntie-Mam69 says:
NTA (not the a-hole). Go to Miami. A wedding is not an event where a soon-to-be SIL and your own brother crap all over you and you smile and take it.
mfruitfly writes:
GO TO MIAMI! NTA. Your brother and SIL are being terrible. They could just add another bridesmaid if there was suddenly a person that needed to be included. And at the very least, should be paying you for the dress AND other costs you already incurred for being a bridesmaid. Go sit on the beach in Miami, have a fun cocktail, swim in the ocean and dance in the bars. You won't regret it.
OP responded:
The reason they wouldn't just add another brides maid is because there 'isn't enough room at the table'
How likely is it that this wasn't coincidence? Were you made bridesmaid so that you'd foot the bill for the dress for the 'new' bridesmaid? You just HAPPEN to be the same size as the new bridesmaid? I don't buy it.
Later OP came back with an update:
So unfortunately Becky saw the post re-posted on TikTok, so she obviously let the cat out of the bag. My whole family is split on what I should do, but after a heated argument it was mutually agreed that I will not be attending the wedding. My brother and FSIL cannot seem to comprehend that this is not about the dress but how they treated me.
For those wondering what our parents have to say, our mother says "if you're gunna be an asshole don't be upset when someone's an asshole back" my dad says "..." Because he's long dead.
My brother & FSIL thinks I am the asshole but by the way my mom paid for the hotel for my trip, I think it is safe to assume whose side she's low key on. I appreciate all the love and support I got, I will have an amazing time in Maimi and won't feel the slightest bit guilty thanks to the overwhelmingly positive response I got on here. Thanks you all!
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Were the names and ages not fake on the original post? If so, ouch
trashgirlfriend OP responded:
I used fake names, but I guess me talking about an 800 dollar dress and getting booted from a wedding was oddly specific.
That’ll do it! At least it doesn’t seem to have caused that big of a problem for you. Good luck OP!
Excellent update. Your bro and FSIL are some real un-self-aware, clueless AHs. Safe safe and have fun on your trip!
Lepke2011Seriously. I read the 1st post and I can't believe the FSIL at first wanted to be friends (or at least appear to be) by making OP a bridesmaid, and then turned around and not only found someone she liked more, but tried to get an $800 dress for that person for free. I would never speak to these people again.